envy vs. insecurity  

puddledyke 43F
16 posts
9/3/2005 2:50 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

envy vs. insecurity

I made the observation that J has a lot of people to weed from her garden. The response she's gotten to her personal is akin to the weeds in an urban vacant lot, running rampant. My response is more like a barren dessert. I've got J, my prickly flowering cactus, and that's it. Nothing to weed, cause it's not there. I've planted seeds, but nothings growing.

I am frustrated by the overwhelming response she's gotten. It's left me dizzy, not sure where I stand (yes, J has offered me reassurances). I think what rankles more is the lack of response I've gotten. So maybe I'm feeling more envy than insecurity. It's just easier to label it as insecurity. I've done that before. Envy makes me look at myself, what I could do different to achieve the results I'm envious of. I don't know what I could do differently. Envy is challenging for me to deal with as an individual, insecurity is challenging to deal with as a couple. Bah.

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