What a freakin' slut...  

pseudohippie 49F
219 posts
8/23/2005 8:31 pm

Last Read:
10/8/2007 11:01 am

What a freakin' slut...

My cat, Murphy, is a complete slut.

I've known her for 16 years. She's such a typical pain-in-the-ass female. She's moody, demanding, confusing, and of course, a freakin' slut.

Okay, so now you're judging me, right? Thinking, "GASP! What a misogynist! Pseudo lets her cat outside AND she's not responsible about controlling the pet population! Call Bob Barker!"

Oh no no no no NO. That's not it at ALL. Not only is she an indoor city cat, but she has been neutered for nearly all her life. She doesn't cat around anywhere but in MY house.

You see, Murphy is a slut for HUMAN males. She's tried to steal every boyfriend I've ever had. Yeah, I know she's a cat, I'm not jealous...but you people haven't seen the power of her feminine wiles. She's quite wiley, yes indeedy.

So here I am, with a new boyfriend. You know, I fully expected Murphy to try her little ruses with him. I did. But MAN, this time, she's pulled out ALL the stops. She's literally THROWING herself at Dark, like he's the only man on earth and she's a sex-crazed man-eater!

He gets into bed...she miraculously appears immediately and parks herself right at his face. After batting her eyelashes at him to get his attention (and it works, of course), she then stares at him with her big green eyes and beautiful delicate face and then head butts him right in his beautiful delicate face! BRAZEN HUSSY!

Sigh. As any man would, he laughs and then he's all, "oh Murphy, you want some lovin'? Awwwww!" and then he gives her JUST want she wants...he strokes her, he murmurs sweet nothings at her, his ego all satiated by the attention of a beautiful female...

I guess we're all merely animals and sex makes the world go around.

But you know...I feed her, I take care of her, I clean her shit outta the box and smell her goddamned urine and does she even go out and try to find a job to help pay for her privileged airconditioned life complete with dozens of cozy cat perches? NO! She tries to steal my boyfriend INSTEAD!

Is it any wonder I prefer men to women? Men are simple creatures...and by that, I do not mean they aren't complex, evolved, mature, whatever. Women are complex in a different way. They're sneakier. They forgive, but NEVER forget. Men just make sure they get their needs met, have people to pal around with to drink beer and watch football, and make sure they have women for sex or potential sex or just good advice.

Males are far less scary than females. Even female CATS.

P.S. They never go any further, just so you AdultFriendFinder and PETA people don't think my boyfriend is some kind of beastiality freak.


pseudohippie 49F

8/23/2005 10:55 pm

lol...just so you know, that's just some random pic I found on the web...but it DOES look like Dusty! lol

Dark must have a heck of a lot of testosterone...lol


justsayhi2005 51F

8/24/2005 8:47 am

omg Lucy is a lesbian!! She hides under the sofa whenever a man comes into the apartment and doesn't come out until he's out the door!!! LOL

I love cats, btw...so many people don't understand them


rm_MrDark71 46M
14 posts
8/24/2005 11:16 am

That goddam feline whore!!!!!!!!!!!!-LOL Well I managed to curtail her advances by lodging myself between the wall and Hippie so she can't get near me.........Murphy is a scary stalking maniac....help!


nietchze 43M

8/24/2005 2:06 pm

I have the same proble. Weeel kinda....ok i have rats. They love me. Every apartment I've ever had has had buckets of them. And no matter how many i kill, they keep coming back. After awhile they don't even fall for the traps anymore, they just blatanlty wander around without fear. One day i came home from work and a really big one was sitting on my couch in a stained wife beater tank top...he yelled at me to shut the door. I moved a week later, didnt get my security deposit either goddammit. My mom says it because i just leave all the garbage piled up in the corner, but I'm sure it's just a phermone thing.


justsayhi2005 51F

8/25/2005 7:28 am

nietchze get a cat!!!!


blkbbwswallows 45F
7 posts
9/8/2005 1:01 pm

OMG! This must be one of the funniest things I ever read. I'm a cat lover myself. I have a tuxedo cat. His name is Mr. Paws. He's named that because of the Paws shelter he comes from and his white paws. Most of the time we don't call him that. We call him Kitty. LOL. My cat is very friendly and rotten. He loves the attention from EVERYBODY. He always gets it. He's an indoor cat and fully declawed. So can I call him a male slut of a cat? LOL


2muchwoman4some 41F

11/11/2005 2:47 am

I think you have it pretty good here Pseudo.

My "alpha" male cat HATES my bedmates, and tends to ignore me/us all day till we humans want to get to business in bed...then he only wants MY attention. A little feline flirtation would be a nice change.


Become a member to create a blog