Monday again...  

pretty_blue_eyes 38F
3045 posts
7/25/2005 6:26 am

Last Read:
8/11/2006 10:51 am

Monday again...


Well, I would love to say I had a wonderful birthday, but I didn't. We erupted into WWIII again. Oh joy! This time it consisted of him stepping in my face threatening to hit me. Yet, he always told me never to step in his face. "If a woman thinks she is man enough to hit a man and step in his face, then she is man enough to be hit." I kept asking him why was he stepping in my face then, I told him...c'mon...hit me...hit me, thats all you do is threaten to hit me. Okay, now I should say that he has never hit me, and he never will. If he were to ever hit me he would be out so fast, thanks to the police. I told him if he felt that I didn't love him and didn't want to be with him, why don't he just leave. He tells me that I have things that I have over him, him meaning, myself and our son. Which doesn't make sense, b/c if I treated him as badly as what he says, then why would someone stay??? Needless to say, he ended up hitting a door. I told him to leave and get out, he turns around and says its my house. *sigh* The battle is done, but the war is not over......Comments appreciated if can shed some light for me...

Loosetooth 41M
1146 posts
7/25/2005 8:28 am

Get help or get out. You two are just stuck in a spiral in which you argue and push each other a little further each time. He would never hit you, he only hits doors? Well next time why not add a little alcohol and you say some slightly nastier things and see if he will not hit you then. Voilence has been put on the agenda and now you are both daring him to do it.

Do you feel like you can fix this? If so marriage counselling. If not then make the necessary arrangements to break apart your lives, for the good of you and him and most importantly the child.

In your monologue the child is woefully neglected. Where is the child when this fighting is going on? Is it old enough to understand what its parents are doing? If it is not bear in mind that one day it will be. If you are finding this situation hard ask yourself if you want to expose your child to it and how it will feel when you do? I can honestly say that I would want to grow up in a happy home without a father than an abusive home with both parents. Remember your happiness and health feeds directly into your child. Mom and Dad are together but unhappy equals one unhappy child. If the only thing that keeps you together is your family unit, well does not sound like there is a unit, jus two single people ignoring their needs.

If you are staying together cos of love, then it is bad love. Make it good or get rid of it cos bad love will give you an early grave. If you are staying together cos you are scared to let go, then face your fear and let go. If you are staying together cos it never occurred to leave, then sit down and think.

You are 26 now. How long are you going to let this continue as it is? 28, 36, 46? Life is very short (that house that belongs to him will be here longer than you both and will belong to many different families) and you are helping no-one by allowing this situation to carry on. In relationships we all have control (even if we feel we do not) it is time for you to exert yours. Fix the situation, if not remove you and your child from it. We do not always feel as though relationships are that simple (for example I have heard females in lesser situations than you say 'but I love him', 'I know we are fighting but we are good for each other', 'I do not want my child to grow up without a dad' etc) but they are woefully simple. Decide what can be achieved in the relationship, decide from that your course of action and then do it and stick to it.

In this situation I would recommend you follow your instincts and not logic. Logic has a way of convincing you to do something that is not for the best. What is right for you and your child? that is all that matters.

Hope that helps. Remember things do not just get better by themselves you gotta make them better. That will take two of you. You can do your part, but if he is unable or unwilling then you have done all that can be done. Good luck.


MUTigerinOPKS 48M

7/25/2005 8:40 am

at one time I had a problem with anger and I suspect it may have been associated with uncertainty or even an inferiority complex. Ive since licked that problem and have others to deal with now but that is an ugly problem; one that you need to take charge in and leave until he gets help. its too risky for you to be involved knowing first hand what can happen to you if he actually loses control.

it sounds like you need some actual adult conversation and perhaps to get your mind off of it, clear your head. let me know if I can help. Id be happy to meet for lunch and talk or something like that.

Brian


redswallow777 48M
6810 posts
7/25/2005 9:42 am

Whew....my only thought is that there is physical violence and there is verbal violence. Neither is very nice to be around. Both can be very harmful for adults and children. It sounds like you could both use some help learning how to not be violent and still get your real needs met. Sorry this is such a struggle for you.


rm_Pare888 40M
35 posts
8/2/2005 5:29 am

loosetooth, what a wonderful advice? Who can do better than you do?

pretty, i you believe your reason 4 staying is the best, then stay. But if you're not even convinced of your reason you dont have a reason really.


pretty_blue_eyes 38F
2091 posts
8/3/2005 7:37 am

Pare...ty...I wanted to delete Loosetooth's comment, but I realized just b/c I disagreed with it, it was his opinion and I asked for it and that would just make me a spoil sport. I think I lost my chance to leave 3 yrs ago.....


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