Here I am...back again...  

pretty_blue_eyes 38F
3045 posts
2/25/2006 7:27 pm

Last Read:
8/11/2006 12:23 pm

Here I am...back again...

Hello Strangers! Hope all is well with you all. Enjoying the weekend I hope. As I sit here I am browsing the online dating/personal sites. Why might you ask? Aren't you married you married, you ask? Well, yes I am. BUT I am doing so b/c I want to know who around my area is on them. To see if I recognize any. Thats why! Its fun to do at times, although it makes me wonder about my situation. I mean, there are some pretty attractive women on those sites, so how would I get a man's attention on one to want to go out? I mean, I do have to start comtemplating those things now. Besides, most of the guys profiles that I look at say what kind of woman they are interested size. Well, pfft. Thats a no go! Anyways, any thoughts on this? Comments? Let me know!!!

TTigerAtty 62M

2/26/2006 7:08 am

PBE ... I'd suggest resolving your marriage situation first. Are you married or not? Happy or not? Answer those questions and then move forward accordingly. If you are planning to dissolve the marriage, then you can become more active on these sites, post your pic and "shop around"! All the best to you!

pretty_blue_eyes 38F
2091 posts
2/26/2006 10:35 am

I think you may have misunderstood my thoughts, I'm not looking on the sites to find someone for me...I'm just being nosy is all! lol. Now when I do resolve the marriage situation, I might look into it more. I see some of the women in my area that are on there, and I'm thinking WOW! They are beautiful! Now if they can't get a date my chances would be slim to none!

Loosetooth 41M
1146 posts
2/27/2006 10:56 am

I concur but with a proviso....... you entry says more about your attitude to yourself. The fact that you have started to think about your potential future love life indicates that your marriage is in trouble and you are losing faith with it. Your brain has started to think 'well hold on..........if my fate is to be in competition with all these dirty pretty things then I am screwed, I will not find anyone, I will be alone...panic, depression, etc'.

Well first off I would say that 99% of relationships do not occur through dating websites, indeed I could list all of the times I personally have found love on-line.....actually I cannot as a list has to contain entries in order to be a list. No matter.... point made...... you were looking in the wrong place.

Secondly. All those pretty young women, well they are not as pretty in their eyes as they are in yours. Do not tell me, you were comparing their pictures (carefully selected because their make-up was right that night and the lighting on the beach made their good side look a little like Cameron Diaz) to the face that you see in the mirror when you get up.....right? Of course they were all stunning and you are a lousy moose of a girl. Except that we have seen your picture. You have no worries.

Size pales into insignificance when compared to self confidence. A gentlemen/lady who is happy in their skin are sexually attractive beings - does not matter how large that skin is. It is not these non-existent potential dates who have a problem with your size or indeed any other part of you, which you have spent the weekend comparing to pixilated 1"x 1" pictures, it is yourself. Therefore I can only suggest that you sit down and examine yourself. Write out what it is that you do not like about yourself, size, lumpy this, skinny that and look at your list. Decide which are the things that you are truly disatisfied with and can be changed and which are the ones that you can live with. Then set about changing.

The last point I would like to make is about the mens responses and what they said they wanted. If I were to say to you list what it is you would like in your ideal man what would your list look like (in fact please do a blog on that!). Would I be able to look at your list and then look at myself and think 'yeah! thats me!!!!'. If you were honest in your list then the answer would be no. People are listing their ideals, their fantasies but that is, more often than not, a list that has been inserted into their minds through years of soaking up adverts, films and marketing. Luckily this is a very surface level Pavlovian response. If you scratch deeper you will find what people really find attractive and it is a cornucopia of difference. Some men spend their nights lusting after a curvy lady, with a beautiful face and intense blue eyes.

The worst sexual relationship I ever had was with a lady who looked perfect. I would clap my eyes on her and instantly feel horny, she was beautiful and svelte, models body, clothes would hang alluringly from her. But everytime we got into bed I felt like I was wrestling a skeleton (literally) her hip-bones dug in, her elbows poked at me, at one point during our love making I resolved to chop off her legs because the skinny, gangly things kept getting in the way. I have never been with such a girl again. I know, I know, you are welling up at the effect my beautiful words have had on you, but not every English man can command the language as Shakepeare did! and, damn it, it is true.

In conclusion. Stop worrying, you are not actually facing this problem yet, there is a slim chance that you will not face it, and you have time to do something about it before it happens. Easy x.

pretty_blue_eyes 38F
2091 posts
2/27/2006 9:27 pm

Loose...well I must admitt you do have a very eloquent way with your typing. I'm not to sure if you spend time on how your phrase them, or if you think that way and type as such.

In all honesty, I really have no reason to keep up hope in my marriage and why should I? I haven't been happy as evidence various blog postings. He has done it before, he will do it again. There is nothing that spectacular about me that would keep him from doing such again. I mean afterall if there was, he wouldn't have done it to begin with, right?

I do realize that everyone has some perceived flaw. Something that they are self-conscious about, would like to change. I also do know that most relationships that have developed on-line aren't likely to last. Why, I don't know, just from the things that I have seen, most don't.

Anyways, now did I say I was a "moose" of a girl? Geez, that was harsh! As far as their makeup, lighting was good that night. Well...I don't wear makeup, just mascara. Thats it. Never could stand to wear all that stuff. Besides, much quicker and easier to get done and do some more entertaining things such as with camping. I don't feel nearly as bad as those that wear alot of makup that forego it when camping. Thats how I am usually! lol. Wow, am I making myself sound "rough looking" or what???? Thats not good. Oh, and by the way, I've been told I have nice blue eyes once or twice. *bats her eyes*

You are right, I am worrying about something I shouldn't be. However, I am just thinking ahead, the "what ifs" of the situation. Also, even if I were to be single in the next few months. I am fairly certain I wouldn't want to "date" right off. I said fairly certain because I can't honestly know, it hasn't happened yet. Yet, I don't want to be alone. I've been alone so much and for so long. I'm tired of it. I want to be with someone. Not in a sexual way necessarily. The companionship, snuggling, cuddling, laughing over dinner, curling up watching a movie together, I miss all of those things.

JudeL5 46M
1535 posts
2/27/2006 10:50 pm

Pretty blue,
I have to disagree with your line of thinking... about "there is nothing spectacular about me that would keep him from doing..." and "he wouldn't have done it to begin with".

The phrase that Loosetooth used about "someone being comfortable in their skin" was a revelation phrase for me when I was sorting through the myself over the last couple years as my marriage was ending... It really hit home with me just how much my feelings, emotions and decisions were being driven nebulous and (I think now) questionable social expectation, rules and general "think". And my journey over the last couple years has been inside myself, understanding me, and being confident in ME.

I also began to realize just how much other people offload their insecurities onto the people around them... The key for me was recognizing other peoples comments, attitudes and feelings for what they are... their feelings about themselves... and not taking on their attitudes and feelings.

And in the long run, confidence is what is sexy.

Keep on journeying... UP

Loosetooth 41M
1146 posts
3/1/2006 6:24 am

Blue eyes I was not saying that I think you are a moose of a girl I was merely externalising my perception of your inner voice.

Jude, you have hit the nail on the head.

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