pragmaticCTcpl 61M/50F
3614 posts
4/5/2006 7:45 am

Last Read:
4/7/2006 4:10 pm


The birds and the bees.

Growing up we all learned one way or another about sex. Be it, sooner or later. Some of the facts I picked up along the way were right and some were so wrong. Aside, from my own fifth grade "sex ed. class"...it was much later for me. I never saw a gynecologist until after, I had already had sex, and went there looking to receive a prescription for "the pill." It was during this first visit that I discovered that I was pregnant. "A little to little, a little too late." I know what your thinking! But really, I'm talking about the size of my first penis.

It seems that today's youth is more informed compared to the youths of the past. Does the openness of sexuality in our society today allow for us to be more comfortable in having frank discussions with our children? Like most things in life, there are positives and a negatives to both sides.

On the positive, we are able to educate our children on "safe" sex and the enormous responsibilities and risks that come along with having sexual relations. We no longer tell our children that babies come from cabbage patches or the stork. Also, we no longer support or promote the idea that masturbation will cause you to go blind or send you to hell.

On the negative, we have children and young teens that are growing up way too fast. A boy or girl, who are the same age, may not be at the same level of maturity. Because, a mother takes her daughter to the gynecologist to get "the pill" or a father hands his son condoms, are we then sending a message to "Go have sex.. NOW!?"

From my own personal experience, my elder son, began having sex at the age of 13. It was one of the most Earth shattering revelations in my life. Due to my ongoing divorce, I never stopped to think about him growing into a young man or that he was getting older. After all, he was only 13! Well, the day came when I found the "dreaded" condom. Courtesy, of a nearby "Plan Parenthood" center. Now, I know...I should have been thankful that he had a condom. However, I physical became ill and vomited when I found it. You see...this was, "my baby...my son."

My youngest, has been asking questions about sex. Not to mention, the necessity, due to a local girl whose favorite new game is something called "Seven minutes in Heaven." (Seven minutes in a closet with the lights off) I feel very blessed that he feels so comfortable to talk to me. So far, we have discussed masturbation and the beginnings of sexual feelings. I'm trying not to give him too much information before he is ready. Question is... how much information to give? I don't want to give too little and not too much.

My son recently said to me, "Mom, I'm a lesbian and you are gay. Cause, I like girls and you like boys." AHHH kids...you got to love the way they think! Needless to say, the sex talks have continued.

Tell me your feelings on your own sexual education while growing up and how you would or are, dealing with talking about sex.

49AK 55M
1823 posts
4/5/2006 11:21 am

I don't remember much in the way of actual conversation about sex with my parents. I remember the drug conversation much better.

When I was a kid, I thought I had lived a rather vanilla and protected childhood, sexually... but as I look back, that wasn't the case... While a lot of it was the usual 'kids playing doctor', that was outgrown fairly quickly once I reached the age of about 12 or so. It was like once the expectation caught up with reality (I was apparently ahead of the curve until about that age) I suddenly felt like I was left out. I guess I discovered a lot on my own before anyone ever bothered to talk to me about it.

I don't have kids, but I think, looking back at my own childhood, I would rather have it be something normal and a topic for discussion, than something secret. But I think that there has to be the vehicle for dialog between parent and child -- Not as peers, but you have to be able to have a conversation and be respected as a speaker with your kid, before you can talk about this. I am in my 40's and I still think I know more about sex than my parents, and I always have, and that probably isn't true. The only glimpse I have ever gotten into that was that there was a guy in our neighborhood (much older than me) that was hot for little boys, and my parents picked that up right away, and I was clueless.

I think you're on the right track... and the only thing I can think of to say constructively is that sexuality isn't something that suddenly gets turned on at some age, but develops from birth... so the dialog has to start early...

pragmaticCTcpl replies on 4/6/2006 12:24 pm:
I firmly believe that we, as adults today, know more about sex today than our parents did. I hesitate to add that I think our kids will be more knowledgable than us, someday...maybe..!

Lucky for you your parents did pick up on the neighborhood chicken-hawk...clueless or not, that would've scarred you for life.

pet_humility 48F

4/5/2006 11:41 am

Mom never talked to me about it. I found out on my own with hands on experience. I was pretty lucky though not to get pregnant..

I talk to my 15 and 12 year old about sex all the time.
We joke about it so its easier to express them selves. I think now a days if I sat them down and had a serious talk, they wouldn't listen.
But thats just cause our house is full of laughter and jokes. But they know that when I say something along the lines of don't do this or whatever, they know I'm serious about it.

I know what I was doing at 14 with out a watchful eye on me. So I can see the signs clearly if my daughters are interested. I don't hoover over them, but I watch for the signs of a new boy they talk about, or if they laughingly bring up a subject on their own.. I listen!!

pragmaticCTcpl replies on 4/6/2006 12:27 pm:
Sounds like you have a great, open, and close relationship with your girls.

boyfuctoy 40M
6 posts
4/5/2006 12:42 pm

Here's the deal. I was the baby son of my divorced parents. My father bought me a book, I still have it. Never opened it until 8 yrs after my first sexually experience. Its got all the when married people are in love stuff. And that homosexuals are going to hell. Glad I didn't look to that book for advice. Mom gave me a codom and an awkward talk. Never used the condom. Aside from that my parents never started a conversation about it. But if I asked, which wasn't often they would answer. You know your son better than we do. Follow your instincts

pragmaticCTcpl replies on 4/6/2006 12:30 pm:
Lucky for you that book wasn't "Deep Throat"..!

Thanks for your input, and I'm definitely going to continue to rely on my instincts.


4/5/2006 12:46 pm

Great post...
My mother told me all when I was 6.. I think I asked her what Pregnant meant..
She had no problem telling me everything.. She was a free spirit hippie.

So when it came to my kid ( I raised my nephew)I really wanted him to understand the emotional stuff that goes along with sex...and hubby was talked to him often also.
But what really worked was making him carry a 25 lb pet pig that squealed constantly and told him it was his baby.Also took 60% out of his allowance to take care of the pig... He got the message.

It is a tuffy one though.. to offer birth control to kids or not.. what is the right message???

under the stars
We choose to write
you choose what you comprehend.
read twice and be nice
every key stroke... has a heart beat

pragmaticCTcpl replies on 4/6/2006 12:46 pm:
Again, I think it's more a matter of sex education, than just birth control. All of the aspects...emotions...health...and dealing with the reality and responsibilities of becoming a parent are things we've had to learn on our own and hope to pass on to our kids.

Thanks for sharing your experiences.

southrnpeach333 50F

4/5/2006 2:11 pm

I tried to put off the talks with my older ones. But I discovered that the older you let them get the more difficult it is to talk about. So I began to me very open with them. And they are open with me in return. One of the things I do if I think the time is right is I make the describe to me step by step how they will accquire a condom. If they can't do that, I tell them, then they are not ready. So far my 13 year old can't finish that conversation.

pragmaticCTcpl replies on 4/6/2006 12:52 pm:
I agree with you...you can't wait until they're older..!

At 13 it's just not being able to verbally "walk-thru" acquiring condoms...those suckers don't come with instructions for use..!

mangomamiCT 41F

4/5/2006 7:59 pm

How cool is it your son feels so open with you !!! I think that means you have been doing the right thing . I for one am a believer in being honest with kids . Otherwise (like me ) they go around believing thay cant get knocked up with one foot on the floor . Or they can pull out !!

NSAAddict 42F

4/5/2006 9:16 pm

How did I learn about it? Friends, the media, my brother's penthouses and of course hands on experience Notice, no mention of my parents here, they never talked with me about it and would probably have died if I brought it up. They're of the no premarital sex generation and honestly probably still think (or pray) I'm a virgin. Don't have any kids to share the virtues of safe sex with but will definitely be more open with them than my parents were. Great post

pragmaticCTcpl replies on 4/6/2006 1:01 pm:
Thanks..! ....AND.....OF COURSE you're a VIRGIN...aren't we all..? {=}

pragmaticCTcpl 61M/50F

4/6/2006 12:57 pm

    Quoting mangomamiCT:
    How cool is it your son feels so open with you !!! I think that means you have been doing the right thing . I for one am a believer in being honest with kids . Otherwise (like me ) they go around believing thay cant get knocked up with one foot on the floor . Or they can pull out !!
OMG..!!!!! You mean it's NOT true if they pull out you won't get pregnant..???????

libgemOH 56M/52F

4/6/2006 4:11 pm

so this is the post I missed!!!

My education was strange. My mother told me everything I wanted to know and probably some stuff I really didn't want to know but then told me not to do it. Yeah right!!!!

With my own kids, I answer all questions they ask and if they bring up something they heard in school (my daughter asked me what a fag and a lez were) I talk to them and tell them. I bought condoms for my son when he was 13, pulled one out and used my finger as a "penis model" to show him how to use them, gave him the rest of the box and told him if he's gonna go there, use them. He made the choice to not have sex unless it meant something. (still haven't figured out which planet the kid's from!!)

It does no good to hide things that kids need to know. Yes, they definately grow up faster than we did, but it's our job to protect and inform them! -B

pragmaticCTcpl replies on 4/7/2006 5:34 am:
I think you hit the nail on the head...."it's our job to protect and inform them!" I strongly believe that as parents we need to give our children all the information (as needed) about sex. Since sex is a part of life and can alter the future ....what were OUR parents thinking? My Mom was so concerned with my religious faith, my health, my schooling, but always turned the other cheek and pretended that if you don't talk about it...it's doesn't exist...it's not real. Not just about sex, but everything in life. I'm glad that we are not like or parents.

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