Goofing In The Berkshires..!  

pragmaticCTcpl 61M/50F
3614 posts
6/21/2006 1:37 pm

Last Read:
6/24/2006 9:31 am

Goofing In The Berkshires..!

Disclaimer: The following blog, in no way, is an attempt to poke fun, or be derogatory, to any human being.

As some of you may have already come to find out by reading our past blogs, I (him) love to people watch...and use my overactive imagination to "goof" on people.

Recently, we spent a great weekend at a resort in the Berkshires of Massachusetts. As we just kicked back and relaxed...by the inside and outside pools...I delivered a running commentary on everyone that came and went, in and out of the pool area. My commentary was delivered to an audience of one...my wife...who sat there biting her lips...scrunching up her face...and looking like she was about to explode...from not laughing out loud, from my whispered comments about the people that we saw coming and going.

My first "goof" was of a middle-aged, burly-looking woman, who...until she took off her sweatshirt to enter the pool...had me completely clueless as to her gender.


"I'm MAN-WOMAN..! *trumpets blare* That's right, kiddies...all of my hard-earned money went for this sex change operation..! I used to be known as Claude, the lumberjack. Now, they call me Claudia..!!!"

Post 9-11 security HAS and IS still in effect at all of the pools. The Gestapo pool-staff has an abundance of employees who not only check everyone coming and going for their room keys or membership cards, but also take hourly water samples to make sure the water is clean and pristine...the whole day through.

There was one elderly man, wearing a "Pool Staff" shirt, but obviously...wasn't up to the challenge.


"Oh Ma'am...you have six little children in the hot tub...the sign says "No one under the age of 18 allowed." ... Ma'am .... now one of them is pee'ing in the pool...from the deck..! ... Ma'am ... that shit-filled diaper is floating on top of the water in the hot tub again .... Oh Ma'am.........."

Next, to enter the pool area, are three teen-age girls. All of them combined, are wearing barely enough material to blow your nose with...and when they walk...it looks like they all have just gotten out of a 10 hour hula-dance class..!

"Tee-hee...look at the size of the boobies on that woman sitting over there...! (my wife's 42DD's) *the "smallest" of the three says* I wouldn't want to have to walk around with THOSE all day..!"

A nightly visitor to the indoor pool and hot tub is Victor. Victor is always smiling. Not just a regular smile...but a "Oh Boy....Oh Boy" type of smile.

"I have two chipmunks inside of my bathing suit...and they're both chewing on my nuts...and I like it..!!!!"

The "judge" and his family entourage make their appearance late in the day...each and every weekend during the summer. Because he owns a good percentage of the resort, he is entitled to "more" than the average person. The umbrella'd table and chairs that he wants are quickly cleared of those who have occupied them all day, by the Gestapo pool staff.

"Okay, Gestapo...clear them out...or you just may find yourself before me on a simple traffic citation...and end up serving life in prison for it."

Finally...and my favorites...are the family from "de Nort Woods of Can-a-da"

Dere's Dog-Collar...so named because his hair is so long and unkempt that people MUST say to him..."get a haircut or a dog-collar"

His wife, Peroxide Patty. She's wearing the latest green and pink two piece...with matching sarong-skirt, ordered from "de Sears catalog, eh?" Der weren't too many pages left in dat catalog...de snow got so deep last winter...we had to use it for toilet paper.

Dog-Collar's girlfriend, Sheep-Dip. "She got a haircut like a French Poodle, and she can bark for her supper too, eh?"

Then there are the kids...4 boys and 3 girls. The boys are named Dog-Collar 1...Dog-Collar 2...Dog-Collar 3...and Hedge-Trimmer... "he got his hair-cut when we went to de Home Depot and dhey had de Black & Decker demonstration, eh?"

"De girls dhey so pretty...just like dere Momma...pretty soon dhey gonna wash dere hair like Momma...and be blonde..!"

"We got a resort in Can-a-da, too. We don't got no pools...we don't got no hot tub...but we got five bugs and a tree, eh?"


.


angelofmercy5 58F
17881 posts
6/21/2006 1:42 pm

Well, you and I would be dy-no-mite at this place together! I'm an incurable people watcher too!


pragmaticCTcpl replies on 6/23/2006 1:41 pm:
Thanks, angel..! The funny part of it is that I never sit down intending to "people-goof"...it just comes out..!

NSAAddict 42F

6/21/2006 3:58 pm

I love people watching, the stranger the better, my commentary however revolves around guessing what their favorite sexual positions are


pragmaticCTcpl replies on 6/23/2006 1:45 pm:
Thanks, NSA..! I purposely left that one out of this blog...but, put together all of the media coverage about myspace...a grandfather-type...and a teen-age girl...and you're inside of my mind...looking out..!

docdirk 47M

6/21/2006 5:40 pm

Hey, don't knock the chipmunk thing til ya try it!!!

Ah, Its you again, Your Angel Feathers and your Blood Stains...


pragmaticCTcpl replies on 6/23/2006 1:58 pm:
Chipmunk...shmipmunk...! I've got Mrs. Prag to nibble on my nuts..! Who knows, doc...you may soon agree with me...AND be able to answer the other question...from experience (is more than a mouthful a waste?).

imLadyBambi 58M/50F

6/21/2006 6:35 pm

Mr.&Mrs.P,
pragmaticCTcpl

Mr.Bambi and I do similar thing's.

Lady B.


pragmaticCTcpl replies on 6/23/2006 2:00 pm:
Thanks, Lady Bambi..! {=}

Let's see....the old saying goes..."the family that goofs and laughs together...............!"

Kaliedascope61 41M
4084 posts
6/21/2006 6:36 pm

I have never been in a public pool that I havn't peed in.

don't tell CC or she won't let me in the hot tub anymore.


pragmaticCTcpl replies on 6/23/2006 2:05 pm:
***...thinks to himself...*** "the perfect Wedding gift...IF..........a sign that they can hang, saying," "We don't swim in your toilet...don't pee in our pool..!"

MWWwantmore 51F

6/23/2006 7:28 am

LMAO Mr Prag must be a lot of fun to be out with at times I love watching drunk people in bars they can be hysterical



I'll have a cafe, mocha, vodka, valium latte to go please!

Good girls go to heaven.....bad girls go down!!


pragmaticCTcpl replies on 6/23/2006 2:11 pm:
..............."Mr Prag must be a lot of fun to be out with at times"........... ??????????????????????????

***...begins to think of ways and all sorts of crawly things to slip down into her cast...***

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