|Blogs > pragmaticCTcpl > Random Thoughts & Expressions|
Without reservation...only waiting a few days to get a valid email address...the following letter was sent.
It may or may not have come into your thoughts as to why I've seemingly disappeared from you.
The answer is simple...and complex.
I've waited until now to say anything for only one reason...not knowing whether it would be better to just disappear, or to say why, and bring the mystery to closure.
Unlike you, I never erased any of our IM conversations. There was never any reason to. So when Mrs. Prag read back on some of them, she asked me to explain some of the things that were contained in them...and, some things that weren't contained in them.
Being as brief as possible, there were quite a few things contained in them, from you, that were derogatory about Mrs. Prag...her weight...her seemingly "selfish" nature about extramarital sex...and her, in general, as my wife.
What wasn't contained in them was any kind of defense, by me, for most of the derogatory comments.
Mrs. Prag and I had a discussion about these things. She presented her feelings from her observations, and I explained them.
Right...wrong...or indifferent, I realized that you had crossed the line, with regard to things you said about Mrs. Prag, as far as being a true friend. Right...wrong...or indifferent, I realize that by failing to defend and/or explain or argue with you about them, I hurt her as her husband. But more importantly, I failed to disagree with you...something that I didn't do back when it was my ex-wife you were talking about; but should have this time, with Mrs. Prag being the target.
Yes, "Patty"...you were absolutely correct in your observations and assessments of my ex-wife. You can be proud that you made me realize that and get out of that relationship. I didn't want to face that reality, for what it really was, but as a true friend, you kept telling me what I eventually came to see and realize was true.
Your judgments then, were accurate.
I have to be completely honest with you in saying that your observations, judgments, and comments about Mrs. Prag were inaccurate. I also have to be blunt in saying that after all we've shared and talked about over the course of almost 9 years, your words about Mrs. Prag weren't the words of a true friend.
I know you'll bristle at that statement, but please let me clarify why I say that.
You have seen the development of the relationship that Mrs. Prag and I have. You were there at the beginning when I told you of my joy and happiness in finding someone that loves me the way I didn't even imagine that a person could be loved. Throughout the almost 5 years that Mrs. Prag and I have been together, you've heard from me the consistent message that my love for her is.
At times, you questioned me as to whether or not I was just dumb-struck-in-love, or if my feelings were heartfelt and real. It's almost as if you were worried that I might be falling into something similar, but different, than I rationalized I had with my ex-wife.
If I ever failed to give you an honest, intelligent, and well thought out answer, or confirmation of my feelings for Mrs. Prag, I seriously doubt it.
What I failed to do is to tell you to get off of your high horse, and to stop dissing Mrs. Prag. I failed to do so because I didn't want to rub your nose in your own misery and unhappiness. I failed to do so because I realize...better than anyone else...that you are human. Human enough to have jealousies. Human enough to not want to hear about someone else's happiness, when your own happiness is incomplete. And human enough to forget, from time to time, what true friendship really is.
By failing to do those things, I let Mrs. Prag down.
Her self-esteem is still fragile from a lifetime of being hurt by the men in her life. Her father, her ex-husband, and all of her boyfriends. Men, who unlike me, put themselves ahead of her for their own selfish reasons. By not reacting to your derogatory comments about her, I raised doubts in her mind that I truly deserve the love and trust that she has given to me. Love and trust that have been given to others in her life, only to be treated lightly, unappreciated, and always...always, betrayed.
After our discussion, I voluntarily told Mrs. Prag that I was going to just stop communicating with you. I did so as a re-affirmation of my love for her, and, as a realization that your words denigrating her were not that of a true friend. A true friend would show concerns, ask questions, and offer understanding and compassion. A true friend would never flame someone else's partner or judge them harshly. Without ever having met or observed Mrs. Prag and I together, your judgment was not only critical, but negative. I will admit that I ripped into your husband most of the time...but you ALWAYS expressed your misery to me, no matter what kind of rose-colored glasses you might have been wearing at that moment. That's something that you never heard from me regarding Mrs. Prag.
If you feel that my decision and reasoning are wrong, then I can only offer this...I've had a lot of time to think about this...but my gut-feeling is to bring closure to something that was unique and special in my life, for whatever reason, or reasons, that changed...and, posed a threat to the happiness that I have with Mrs. Prag.
My love for, and life with, Mrs. Prag are the only things that matter to me in my life...and that's because after a lifetime of not being happy...with her, I have been, and I am.
Immediately after sending this email letter, the IM account (and connected email address) were deleted.
Mrs. Prag has now stated.... "NOW, the horse is dead...and won't be beaten anymore..!"
My lovely wife's happiness is the ONLY thing that is of any consequence to me...and her happiness ensures mine.
We discussed this over the weekend...and I must admit, Mrs. Prag spoke of it from her heart, and not as if she were "beating a dead horse."
All of your comments are greatly appreciated, as are your concerns for our happiness together.
These actions have brought closure and finality to this matter.
8/7/2006 3:40 pm
I salute you Mr Prag, you are a good husband! I am glad you both found closure with this!|
I'll have a cafe, mocha, vodka, valium latte to go please!
Good girls go to heaven.....bad girls go down!!
8/7/2006 5:31 pm
I'm so glad you were BOTH able to get some closure on this. And I'm glad the horse is FINALLY dead and burried!!!|
8/7/2006 5:43 pm
I too am VERY happy you have brought this issue to closure... beaten... dead.... and buried!!|
I will admit to concern that it had the potential to come between you and that would be a trajedy!!!
8/9/2006 6:16 pm
For $100, I could have had the horse shot and saved you from writing! |
Ah, Its you again, Your Angel Feathers and your Blood Stains...