obsessions with infections...  

playwithme00000 44F  
171 posts
6/3/2006 5:08 pm

Last Read:
6/1/2009 2:51 pm

obsessions with infections...

Funny really...reading my last post...reads like a mish mash of posts..hmm very me...very...(ok tangent back! Thank fuck I wrote a title! I now remember why I was posting!)

Spoke to a sibling today and she hadn't been well. Been to the docs too this week to sort out something that had gone on for over a week. She was concerned it was going down her leg, she was concerned it wasn't real.

Spoke to another sibling on thursday and he had a small op last week. He was concerned about the stitches, about the possibility of infections...

I realised something, that all three of us, living miles apart, living such very different lives, had something in common....infections...or the fear of them..

In hospital our mother caught MRSA, then that led to another, she went into critical...she got another, then another, till the point they had to open her open and try and take out some of the build up.. the medicine wasn't working anymore...and they couldn't take it all out..it had spread right through her body and into our collective conciousness.

The thing about death is that it is life affirming, and what is clear, is that we all don't want to die yet. For all the yesterdays we couldn't, it is now true that we wouldn't, for the tomorrows that we might, we will. I so hope for more.

Reading a post of beautiful blogger whose mother was slill alive but so distant ...it is true nothing is quite the same again...that pain and the punishments of loss do so eat away. I lost my mother many many years ago, she was also alive, she was eaten away by and through the loss of my father, who died just after I was born. I lost her twice.

I don't know what to say to support you H but you are an amazing woman and the love that has been been kept from you may mean you have have become so much more than you would have been. Though hurt and searching for fullfillment...you give and share. You could have become cold and hardened but you haven't and you are quite inspiring! Big hug to you and for making the moments much more. x

Play with me........

playwithme00000 44F  
96 posts
6/8/2006 4:34 pm

thanks for posting..kept thinking how do you make someone open up or move on.. whatever the pains..how do you say those who have lost, come on lets move. If I could speak to your mother I would tell her she is missing something, holding back from you wont mean its any easier if she loses you.. all she will feel is more guilt..If you could tell about me..about a friend who felt she lost someone twice maybe...maybe she would hear...but if she does its gonna be a journey for you both. Holding back from feeling any more pain usually means there is a build..maybe she is holding back from the grief she needs to release. Tell I said she will regret this. tell her I said she shouldnt punish you like this. This may sound harsh from me.. but I felt like I was punished and I feel like you are. not intentionally but withdrawing from you...leaving you to wander what you have done.. what you should do.

Big hug to you both...x

Play with me........

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