Hope Springs Eternal  

pinkzplaytoyz 49F
255 posts
3/9/2006 7:50 pm

Last Read:
3/10/2006 8:37 pm

Hope Springs Eternal

In May,1992 my oldest son was 4 years old. My youngest son was about to turn 2. During the middle of May, my oldest son came down with pneumonia. He had had strep throat a couple of months prior, and evidently some strep germs remained after treatment. The evening after taking my son to the doctor, he had an allergic reaction to the antibiotic Augmentin, that was given to him. He developed high spiking fevers, he lost all control of bowel movements,he vomited everything he ingested, and he developed a rash that had never been seen before. After taking him to the hospital, they discovered fluid had built up in his lungs. To remove the fluid, he would need to be transported to a children's hospital an hour and a half away. I had to leave my youngest son in the care of my parents as I rode in the ambulance transport with my son.
After arriving at the latest hospital, a shunt was placed below his armpit to drain the fluid. The first antibiotic was replaced with another. No one at this well known hospital had ever seen his particular rash either. His fevers still spiked, at one point as high as 106.7 degrees. He had to be wheeled down for an eye examination at that point, because high fevers have been known to damage the eyesight. Every day for 30 days, he had to have x-rays. During this period, they discovered he also had fluid around his heart, which had gathered from the strep and pneumonia. He had to have critical surgery then, and spent the weekend in the ICU afterwards. Every day they drew blood. He lost 7 pounds, which was too much for his body weight. His vomiting did not cease. He had to have diapers placed on him. The rash did not fade. After the first week, the doctors were perplexed. So they started doing tests. Meningitis, spinal tap for leukemia, Aids testing for both he and I, because a mother can transmit the virus to her child during the birthing process. Every conceivable test that would cause his symptons was done.
Each time they came to tell me about the next test they were running, I had to brace myself for the possibilites of the outcome. When it got to the point for the spinal tap for leukemia, I went outside during the procedure and came to a peace within...if this is what my child turned out to have, then I could face this, I could deal with it, because at least I would know what I was up against...But the test came back negative, and I was thrown back into the fear of the unknown, and the terrible feeling of helplessness. The doctors had done all they knew to do...The last step was to have us transported even further away to D--- University Medical Center, which is one of the top 10 research hospitals in the U.S.
I can think of nothing worse than that feeling of being unable to help my child. I helped change his bed linens each day, I assisted the staff when they needed me to hold him or reassure him whenever they did a procedure. To not know why my son was not getting better was the hardest thing I ever had to carry within me. I was alone with my son, week after week, with my parents bringing my youngest on the weekends and relieving me so I could spend some time away with him.
After arriving at the research hospital, they put him on an even blander diet than he had been on. And they discovered what the other hospital had not. He had picked up a parasite in his intestines. There was no way to determine where or when it occurred. But he could not leave until he had gained at least 4 pounds back. And he had to undergo physical therapy on his legs because he had lost all strength from the 2 months he had been in the hospital. But simply knowing what it was that had to be dealt with lifted the ton of steel from my heart and mind. After peering into the black abyss for 8 weeks of agonized mind and spirit, hope returned in an instant.
What I wanted to say by sharing this with you is this...Regardless of what you are going through, and however long you must suffer through it, it too shall pass. Hope springs eternal.

love,
Pink

original oil & oil pastel, copyright 2003
Title: "Dun With It"
Model: "Hollywood Dun It"



zorgnot2 60M

3/9/2006 8:27 pm

Thanks, Pink, for going into detail of what must have been a harrowing and difficult time that could well have shaken ones' very belief in any merits of life itself.
Your courage and fortitude is truly admirable..even though many times at those times you just go through the motions and do what you have to do.
You carry on and keep trying and in this case, it turned out well.
I say a prayer of thanks for you and a prayer for those who had any situation that didn't turn out so well.
We all need to be re-connected to what is really important sometimes and while being on this site can be an exciting and fun distraction, life in the real world can smack us in the face and turn our priorities around.
Thanks again. Namaste
<3


jadedbabe78 105F

3/9/2006 9:23 pm

Being unable to help your child is the worst feeling in the world and I can identify with that. In December 2003, my youngest...who was 8 months old at the time, developed croup. He didn't sleep all night and I couldn't get a doctor's appointment until the afternoon. All I could do was hold him as he cried and had trouble breathing. By the time we got to the doctor's, his complexion was greying from lack of oxygen and we were sent to the hospital. It was there I learned that the croup was so bad, it was causing swelling in his throat. Bless the people in the waiting area of the ER who told the nurses to let us go ahead of them (the waiting area was a joke.) The breathing treatments wouldn't work and he had to be intubated and then transported to a hospital in downtown Denver, so he could be placed in the PICU. 5 days he had the tube down his throat, so he could breathe. He had an IV in his head, in his leg. He had to, of course, be sedated. And then, when he was finally able to breath on his own, he was still in the pediatric wing for several more days with RSV, which he contracted in the hospital. They were never able to identify the virus that caused his croup. He had a combination of bronchitis that turned into pnuemonia that turned into something else. We had no family in Denver. My 3 yr old (now 5) witnessed this in the ER, his little brother being poked and prodded. Our daycare providers took him for us. And then he ended up with pnuemonia 2 days later.

It was so awful and your story made me remember. When he was released...he had to be on oxygen for two weeks straight. Every time he gets sick now, I worry.

I made it through though. You are so right in saying that no matter what, it will pass.

Thank you for sharing this. It brought tears to my eyes...thinking of your experience and remembering mine.

Hugs
~Jadey


rm_JohnMacLaine 50M
585 posts
3/9/2006 9:29 pm

That was a wonderful story Pink, thank you for sharing it with us, and thank you for the profound words at the end.

I could not imagine being that helpless with my child, as a parent you always want to be in control. you want to be strong for your child because they look to you for guidance and for strength.

thank you again {=}

*hugs*

John

"I can retain neither respect or affection for a government which has been moving from wrong to wrong in order to defend its own immorality" Mahatma Ghandi


Efilnikufesin69 47M

3/9/2006 11:24 pm

Wow. You really went through alot there. It brought a tear to my eyes when I read it, making me think of my boys and mostly of my daughter. I don't know how I would be able to react to such a situation. I would break apart emotionally. Goes to show how strong you realy are, and how much love you have to share. I wish you and your family all the love, hapiness, and health possible.

Love and kisses{=}

Chris


pinkzplaytoyz 49F

3/10/2006 4:26 am

zorgi- I appreciate your kind words and your prayers are a wonderful thing, I carry on though, because there is no other choice really...and feeling like I am at the lowest weakest points in life. I don't know if that is admirable or not.
jadey- BIG HUGS back to you hun!!!!I knew there would be others with similar experiences to share...your son was so young and without the benefit of conversation to tell you what felt wrong or hurt...I can imagine how the helplessness was intensified by that!!!Yes, I spent many years afterward worrying about my son getting sick also...it strikes a tremor of fear through the heart each time he did. I can say that fear did not truly go away until he reached his teenaged years...Bless you Jadey, and your sons...Hopefully they will grow forever stronger, and they are fortunate to have you as their mother!!!
John- you are so right in what you say! When that feeling of strength is taken away, it is a life altering experience.
Chris- thank you, though I can't claim to have been completely strong throughout, I did break many times, or thought I did, but there was no one else but me to experience it all with him, and I had to put my own feelings aside in order to do that. I believe all parents who truly love and appreciate their children are capable of going to the same depths that I did...and will. Because we see our children as our own, we fight against every odds in their defense, and sometimes it has to be blindly. I believe you would be strong for your children.


rm_kelli4u2dew 41F
5220 posts
3/10/2006 10:58 am

Thank you for sharing this. I've known you are a strong woman, and now I know a bit more about where that strength comes from.

And thanks for the painting. I continue to be impressed with how talented you are.

Hugs,
Kelli


papyrina 50F
21133 posts
3/10/2006 2:34 pm

thankyou for sharing that,i hope hes a strong little tike now and causing you alsorts of good healthy stress


I'm a

and
i'm here to stay


PeensChubsTabby 54M
30 posts
3/10/2006 7:25 pm

thank you for that. Last april my wifes behavior had become more and more bizarre. Spending was escalating. In an argument over money she attacked me with a knife. I tried to patch things and 2 weeks later she called the law and said I had attacked her. I'm out of my house still and she has used our 6 year old in every way to get what she wants. She is crazy and is abusing the system that is set up for truely battered women. I feel helpless. there is hope though. God bless you.


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