I'd like to know what you think  

picksie 54M/51F
123 posts
3/18/2006 11:41 pm

Last Read:
12/1/2006 6:37 pm

I'd like to know what you think

My husband and I were talking tonight..He asked me what have I been looking for more then anything else on here..

This is what I've come up with...which might surprise alot of people on here, It's taken me a long time to finally figure out what it is with the help of a special friend...

Here it is... I'm looking for a best friend of the opposite sex a male that would be..my question is and this is where my husband disagrees with me..can a woman and a man be friends with out sex? What if the friendship started out with the understanding that there would be sex but for some reason that had changed could you still be friends? And then what if you met somebody and it started out with a friendship would sex be expected I think women can be friends with out having sex but my husband says noway men aren't like that..and another thing which one would it be easier to be friends with a married man, single, or attached. and which ones would expect sex? This is my opion I think a single man could handle a friendship with a woman more so then the others and not expect sex if thats how it worked out..

But I'm not saying I don't want a male best friend that doesn't involved sex either but I think I'm one step closer to what it is that I want....

rm_CpuDocMi 67M
38 posts
3/19/2006 4:25 am

WOW...what a question....Can men have female friends (don't say girl friends because that gets turned into GIRLFRIEND...just a flaw in our language) without having sex with them?.... YES... Do they THINK about having sex with them?....YES and YES!!!... Will they accept sex if offered?.... YES and YES and YES. We are a horny bunch...lol

But your real question is do we EXPECT sex from a female friend. I would say no. Friendships are not built on expectations. They are built on conversations (not the horizontal type) and common views and opinions. They develop into a concern for the other person and and an interest in their welfare. The best indicator of a friend I can think of is this: When you are down or having problems, a fiend will NOT ask 'what's wrong?'.. they will ask 'How can I help?'. This willingness to INVEST THEIR TIME in you is the touchstone.

And that brings us to the 'married, attached, single' question. Single men have more time to invest. That is a good thing. But the flip side of that coin is that they MAY also become TOO attached... you know what I mean... Most husbands at threatened by that. The same applies to divorced men. Probably the best combination is the male half of a couple both know and like but they are hard to find. Married and 'attached' men will be driven crazy by trying to balence both you and their 'other', and guess who losses. Ya.

But, I sense another question. You have used both 'friend' and 'best friend' in your post. I'm sure your aware that male and females have different definitions for those terms. Male don't have 'best friends' very often. I can only think of one in my lifetime, and I miss him always. Women have many more, but again, the relationship is different. I'm sure your husband has heard, at some point,he should be 'best friends' with his wife,so your talk of a male 'best friend' may be confusing him. The level of commitment that a male feels toward his 'best' friend is huge. It means putting THEIR welfare ABOVE your own. I'm not sure that is the way women see it. Is that what you are asking of this new male best friend? ................It may be too much.

Well, I am out of gas.... Let me just say that we find friends when we least expect it, and in the strangeist places. The best thing to do is be open to the possiblities and let them develop naturally. Because I have yet to find a heading in the classified labeled "Wanted-Best Friend".

ToneMan5000 42M
57 posts
3/19/2006 5:28 am

I had 2 female friends growing up. Both were very good looking. One I found attractive, the other I didn't. But I never made any advances towards either of them. I never wanted to upset that friendship. If it's a true friendship then I believe it's possible. At least I hope it can be possible.

picksie 54M/51F

3/26/2006 10:26 pm

I want to thank you Doc as always to put some kind of light on this for me and you did. I've been thinking alot in the pass week about this, that is why I haven't gotten to it sooner and as always I'm more confused then I was before..lol..which you know me it doesn't take much to do that..A person once told me that all the friends we have make up that best friend, or something in that general idea I'm so bad at quoteing others word from word but you get the gist of it anyways.Do we find that is true? I can say this about you Doc your one of the sweetest men I have met on here and I so value our "friendship" so very much. Next time lunch is on me!!!!

picksie 54M/51F

3/26/2006 10:30 pm

    Quoting ToneMan5000:
    I had 2 female friends growing up. Both were very good looking. One I found attractive, the other I didn't. But I never made any advances towards either of them. I never wanted to upset that friendship. If it's a true friendship then I believe it's possible. At least I hope it can be possible.
I do too hope its possible or at least it can be..Let me know how you make out in what your trying to get out of this...Picksie
P.S. thanks again

BlackHeatLust 47M

3/27/2006 10:35 pm

I think that a man and a women can be friends without the sex...but the two of you should know where the boundaries are in your relationship? I have had several female friends whom I have found to be very extremely attractive but did not make a move what so ever because I looked at it in this light of them being my little sister whom I would try and protect from all the bad boys they meet?

Let me know what else you come up with Picksie because I want to gain some more knowledge and understanding on this particular subject from you?

BlackHeatLust 47M

5/11/2006 4:19 am

Hi Picksie. How are you doing? I haven't hear from you in a while? I hope you are doing well and owuld like to chat with you sometime if you can.

picksie 54M/51F

6/14/2006 10:31 pm

Well here it is about 3 months later since I had written this..still haven't found that best friend but I have met a few chatted with a few but nothing...WOW!!!! Still haven't given up on it, if I never find that best friend it wasn't meant to be and I am fine with that..One thing I did find is me... I have changed in the last few months more sure of myself and what is really important to me....

rm_z71nut 44M

8/19/2006 1:09 pm

i do think that it is very posible for a man and a woman to be best of freinds without sex.I will say this though,i do think for most people when they find that person they should marry them.after all that is who you need for a spouse.if you cant treat them like your best freind and talk to them about anything and everything you will have trouble in that marriage.lets face it,in a relationship communication is always the key componant.as communication breaks down so does the relationship!!

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