couples...can you help me out please?  

patsam69 51M/51F
704 posts
4/6/2005 12:17 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

couples...can you help me out please?


My husband and I started swinging last april. I have sex with him and another man. At times, he has a hard time with it. He gets jealous that I talk to and flirt with other men. He doubts that this is right for our marriage. Then other times the thought of me with someone else drives him wild! We started doing this at his urging. After about 2 years, I agreed, and here we are. We have not been with another man in about 5 months, and the opportunity has come up for us to do it again soon...and he is having doubts.

When we had done it in the past..he is crazy turned on...then we cant get our hands off of each other for the next week. Some of the time though he is unhappy with it. He knows that I love him,we will be together forever. He is the best man that I know. The ONLY man i would ever want to share my life with.

I guess my question to other couples out there is ...was it smooth sailing for you? Did you have doubts? problems that you worked out? How many times did you give up and go back to it?

I cannot imagine how he feels, for I do not want to see him with another woman. He says that he does not want to be with another women. I have asked him many, many times.

Thank you so much for any advice you can give.

leyndokona2 49F

4/6/2005 2:46 pm

Never been there but guess if there's any doubt you shouldn't do it but then again it's probably not easy if he want's it some of the time and then regrets it later. What about you? Do you ever feel any guilt or doubt yourself?


keithcancook 60M
17718 posts
4/6/2005 4:42 pm

This sounds very normal to me. He is experimenting and communicating which in my opinion are both good things. I would only advise to continue what you are doing communication wise. Your love is obviously strong, keep reinforcing that even more than before verbally. When you are discussing other men constantly bring his name and your love for him into play.

Of course when either one of you is too uncomfortable with it put it away. The idea is to make your bond together even stronger through this type of activity. Neh?


patsam69 51M/51F

4/6/2005 6:50 pm

I know it may be hard to understand keith...but it did bring us closer...we discovered we can talk about ANYthing with each other.

Leyndokana...No I do not have any regrets...I am only upset by it when he is upset. Of course, it is nice to know that he doesnt just want to give me away..he does have a conscience about it. He says he wants to try again. It has been awhile, and maybe he has forgotten the excitement of it all. We shall see. I Still dont know what to do.


PeteSteph 56M/F
1 post
4/9/2005 4:22 am

192 We're the same; it turns me on to be with her and another guy and in groups; I also love watching her flirt with guys in swing clubs, get guys excited then fuck them. Sometimes when I'm away from home working I get a bit jealous, but she's cool and knows how to make me feel safe, and she says the more freedom I give her the4 more she loves me, and in reality it turns out that way too.


Apolybear 54M

4/14/2005 8:52 pm

I have a question? Has he been with other women and how do you feel about that? Have you read my blog on jealousy?

Always reassure him that he is the man of your dreams, you love him, you would never leave him for another man. It's all about sexual variety, not any disfaction with his performance - you get the idea. Do it every time you discuss other men with him.


Apolybear 54M

4/14/2005 9:14 pm

Sorry, the last part of your post didn't register for some reason.

You need to explore why it’s ok for you to be with other men and he can’t be with other women. Granted, he’s not interested now, but what if he surprises you one day and wants to have a 4some with another couple? What would you do then?

To be honest, it’s not a good sign that your husband isn’t interested in having sex with other women. That tells me that he has some hang-ups about swinging that need to be resolved, or it might harm your relationship. In swinging, the relationship must be protected at all costs.

Your issues are normal part of learning how to be a non-monogamous couple. I’d slow down and resolve these issues before doing anymore swinging. Good luck.


patsam69 51M/51F

4/15/2005 12:15 pm

Thanks apolybear...you are sweet for caring with your advice...

I do not want to see my husband with another women. But if he were to come to me that he wanted to, I would never say never. The thing with us is, He wanted to see me with another man. It was a fantasy of his for years! It took me a very long time to separate love and sex (being a woman..lol) but I did. I decided to try this for him and see where it went. I loved it the first time. He loved it during...but had some emotional strife afterwards. But we talked about it and I told him that I do not need to do this. I like it very much...but it is not necessary to my life. HE IS MY LIFE. He knows this, and I remind him of this all of the time. I know he has thought of having sex with other women...He is human after all!! LOL...but I think he has insecutrities about who may want him. We have discussed the couples angle. But he is more interested in he and I BOTH doing the wife...which I am not interested in. We are still new to this. Has only been a year. We are continually evolving. Thank you so much for want ing to help. I have read some of your blog and will read the rest soon!


Apolybear 54M

4/19/2005 1:50 am

Patsam69, I'm glad that you two are communicating and being aware of each others feelings. That's a very healthy sign.

I sympathize with your husband…lol. I would love to have 3somes with my wife and another lady, but she’s not attracted to other women either. We used to have 4somes with other couples, but we found it difficult to find compatible straight couples.

I’ve got some posts on my blog you might find helpful. Take care. John


superkev2004 56M

8/13/2005 1:26 am

My first wife was OK with it, but it was awkward. 2nd wife was happy with it, did it twice, but then got strange about it. She felt guilty, especially because she loved it so much! She got religion and then started guilting me, blaming me for it happening. Ex-GF came hard with it, repeatedly, both during the fantasy talk before and the actual event. But immediately afterward, she went into a frenzy about how I was sick and perverted and freaky. She loved it and hated herself and me for it. Ex-GF2 loved it, couldn't get enough, was extremely talented and sexy hot. We had a hard time finding a good third though. I'm sure we would have found it all eventually, but we broke up. Damn, I miss that gal! Kisses, TW!


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