How far do you go in early chats? Taking the conversation into risky territory.  

pashunateatty 57M
13 posts
8/30/2005 11:10 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

How far do you go in early chats? Taking the conversation into risky territory.

How far do you go in early chats? Taking the conversation into risky territory.

Ah, this is one of the thrilling things in making new connections. It's also a very very risky time in the budding connection.

Being men, a Huge piece of our being has the following craving -

We CRAVE for ladies to tell us right up front that you really like the way we look, and like what you know about us, and can't wait for just such a guy to come and take care of you (because you haven't found anyone on A-F-F that turns you on so much you wanted to meet him in person!). And then you send us your pics right away (and you will be pleasant looking and not sloppy fat!), and then you will propose that we talk about how and where and when to meet.

Ladies if you'd just do that, we'd be SO happy! Having confidence that YOU feel the connection too, we could then have a LOT more fun in the getting-to-know-each-other chat phase!

But here's how things really work, from the perspective of a more mature guy (a guy who takes some time for the connection to develop rather than risk chasing the ladies off instantly) -

The kind of ladies who appeal to me the most are very bright ladies who are quite verbal and love to talk.

They are probably real horndogs, that's why they are on A-F-F ! But they let the doggies out more slowly, at least with me. They make me work for it!

We exchange pleasantries, and I give them my web addresses so they can check out my websites and see that I'm real.

After they learn that I'm real, then they relax a LOT.

Once they begin to relax, I talk about our humanness, and these are my favorite conversation points -

I LOVE to know the journey ladies have taken to arrive at A-F-F.

I find it extremely erotic when women talk about their human needs and desires for passion and intimacy, and when they discuss how they came to break taboos.

Being on A-F-F is breaking a taboo! It's an acknowledgment to many other human beings that a woman feels an unfulfilled need for sexual chemistry and passion. Perhaps the women claim to be looking for LTRs, and I'm sure they are open to LTRs if the right guy comes along.

But the fact is A-F-F is a human sexuality-focused personals site, and everyone on here is feeling a sense of need for more passion and eroticism and sexual excitement in their lives. Otherwise they wouldn't be here.

And it's MY job to lead the conversation into the whys and wherefores of the ladies' journies to A-F-F.

As the ladies talk about their journies to A-F-F, they will tell you stories and you need to listen and follow up

Ladies will drop hints about their past passion history - some will tell you very directly. But listen closely and you will find a LOT to follow up on. In your long marriage, was the passion there? If not, when did it leave and why? Have you found new passion since? What new experiences have you had?

And on and on and on. Encourage the ladies to talk about their experiences and attitudes and feelings, and try to relate to them from your own experiences.

If you can get the ladies talking about themselves and interacting with you, they will give you feedback to let you know that you are connecting. They will appreciate your sensitivity to their innermost desires and fears. It helps if you LOVE to talk intimately with women this way!

Very long and very erotic chats arise from having the ladies talk about their passion history. If you are a good conversationalist, you will be able to feel (and so will she!) the connection building.

Cybersex vs Intimate chat

Don't push cybersex. Stay focused on developing deep intimacy, at least until you have a very good connection with your new friend and it feels very safe.

If you are approaching the connection on a more mature level and trying to appeal to the lady's mind and erotic spirit, I think you will want to stay away from crude talk for awhile. She will let you know when it is ok. She might start it! If you want to culminate the connection with a personal meeting, take it slower.

You might be tempted to get very graphic during these highly charged intimate talks. Resist. Be wary if she starts dirty talk too fast into the conversation. If she starts crude talk too fast, she might just be into the connection for cybersex, and that tends to mean a personal meeting is not likely. Or else, "she" could be a man.

It's just male human nature to become excited. But women already know this about us, and it's real risky to remind them that we are just as capable of over-enthusiasm as a 20 year old! So go slower!

Ladies want to feel confident that we see something special in them - And we DO! That's why we are spending time in intimate chat without permitting ourselves to get too excited. We are showing them respect and taking our time, and most of them like that. It tells them something of the considerate lover we are!

You will WANT to tell her how hard you have become during your intimate talk, how much your fluid has leaked out all over your pants, and how you'd like to meet her NOW! BUT DON'T! Not unless she seems to want you to tell her that.

At some point I ask "How is your body reacting to our talk?" That's her invitation to tell me all is well. She usually tells me all is well, and we have broken the next barrier in our growing intimacy .....

It's probably just me, but I MUST feel a mind connection or else I'm just not interested. There's nothing special about finding a gal who will spread her legs for me - after all, I've done lifestyle activities where a lot of the ladies are quite willing to spread em for those they hardly know.

I demand the mental connection. That's the center of eroticism. I love erotic intimate chat. In lifestyle activities, I respond to ladies with whom I have developed a mutual "like" through one on one talk and connecting and sharing.

That's enough for now.

rm_Mtch4303 57M

9/1/2005 12:14 pm

You have put a lot of energy into figuring ur women on this site - good work - it is appreciated. I have found much the same with this but am naware if I have chatted with a man...that would be odd.
What kind of response have you been getting from women to these notes?

redmustang91 57M  
8604 posts
9/6/2005 10:30 am

Very cerebral. Many guys would be content with leg spreading, but you demand more. Having higher expectations is good.

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