Oil Change instructions for Men:  

panthersdreamer 46M
182 posts
5/20/2006 4:37 pm

Last Read:
5/30/2006 7:52 pm

Oil Change instructions for Men:

>1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil,
>filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a check for
>$50 00.
>2) Stop by 7 - 11 and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20, drive
>3) Open a beer and drink it.
>4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
>5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
>6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
>7) Place drain pan under engine.
> Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
>9) Give up and use crescent wrench.
>10) Unscrew drain plug.
>11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process.
>12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms. Throw
>kitty litter on spilled oil.
>13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
>14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
>15) Give up; crawl under ca r and hammer a screwdriver through oil
>filter and twist off
>16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil
>everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in
>trash can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.
>17) Buddy shows up; finish case of beer with him. Decide to finish oil
>change tomorrow so you can go see his new garage door opener.
>1 Sunday: Skip church because "I gotta finish the oil change." Drag
>pan full of old oil out from underneath car. Cleverly dump oil in hole
>in back yard instead of taking it back to Kragen to recycle.
>19) Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18.
>20) Beer? No, drank it all yesterday.
>21) Walk to 7-11; buy beer.
>22) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to
>gasket surface.
>23) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
>24) Remember drain plug from step 11.
>25) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
>26) Remember that the used oil is buried in a hole in the back yard,
>along with drain plug.
>27) Drink beer
>2 Shovel out hole and sift oily mud for drain plug. Re-shovel oily
>dirt into hole. Steal sand from kids sandbox to cleverly cover oily
>patch of ground and avoid environmental penalties. Wash drain plug in
>lawnmower gas.
>29) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw
>kitty litter on oil spill.
>30) Drink beer.
>31) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily
>rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench
>tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame.
>32) Bang head on floorboards in reaction to step 31.
>33) Begin cussing fit.
>34) Throw stupid crescent wrench.
>35) Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit bowling trophy.
>36) Beer.
>37) Clean up hands and forehead and bandage as required to stop blood
>3 Beer.
>39) Beer.
>40) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
>41) Beer.
>42) Lower car from jack stands.
>43) Accidentally crush remaining case of new motor oil.
>44) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during
>steps 23 - 43.
>45) Beer.
>46) Test drive car.
>47) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
>4 Car gets impounded.
>49) Call loving wife, make bail.
>50) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.
>Money spent:
>Parts $50.00
>DUI $2500.00
>Impound fee $75.00
>Bail $1500.00
>Beer $40.00
>Total - - $4,165.00
>But you know the job was done right!

MaggiesWishes 59F

5/20/2006 6:04 pm

I'm sorry ... this cracked me up!

It couldn't get any better than this, unless I did it
*slips into bib-overhauls*

warm huggies 2ya sugg's

panthersdreamer replies on 5/23/2006 12:00 am:
you need to slip out of the overhauls naked when giving me hugs girl! nice visual though! thanx hon!

MWWwantsmore 51F

5/20/2006 6:24 pm

Hmm you didnt mention the womans oil change, driving to Jiffy Lube

panthersdreamer replies on 5/23/2006 12:02 am:
you'll need more than that hon! i'll give you a special rate on an overhall sweetie!

red_hot_trucker 58F

5/27/2006 5:46 pm

I'd love to see what you do replacing a throw out bearing, or installing new ball joints in your suspension? Or here's one for you, overhauling the crankshaft!

[post 1785076]

rm_VixeyNShadow 53M/51F
17 posts
5/30/2006 7:10 pm

NO.. I think the best job you could describe for us would be to replace the motor.. That would definiately be a laugh riot.
I have helped my Hubby do several.. so I would like to see what kind of fun you could come up with.. lmao

That was too funny,, I grew up with four brothers and have witnessed a few of those very repairs.. lol

Become a member to create a blog