You might not be a Dominant if...  

oooDARKEYESooo 50F
102 posts
2/2/2006 5:36 pm

Last Read:
3/25/2007 7:45 pm

You might not be a Dominant if...

you might not be a dom/me:

if you have to type in all caps all the time.

if you think its acceptable to disrespect another Dominant
of the opposite sex and tell them you will fuck them and
make them beg to be used again.

if you have to put Dom/me, Master/Mistress, God/Goddess,
Lord/Lady in your nick, unless its really clever.

if you *have* to have toys or implements to do a domination

if you think you know all there is to know about bdsm.

if you have never attended a class, read a book or attended
a large bdsm event.

if you think wearing leather makes you dominant.

if you think every sub and slave should fall on their knees

a) suck your cock/lick your cunt
b) kiss/lick your boots/heels
c) call you Master/Mistress, Dom/Domme, God/Goddess, etc
d) surrender control the minute they meet you for the first

if you do rope bondage and do not have a pair of surgical
safety scissors on hand.

if you brag about what a great Top you are.

if you claim you are the best that anyone has or ever will

if you cant laugh at yourself now and then.

if you think you never make a mistake and never have to
apologize for anything.

if you think subs/slaves are worthless and stupid (calling
a slave worthless or stupid in play is one thing, believing
it as a trait inherent in all subs/slaves is completely

if you think you *never* need to have safewords.

if you cross hard limits of your sub/slave just because you
consider yourself a *true* dominant (nudging them is one

if you gag someone and do not give them another method to call a safeword.

if you use drugs or alcohol when playing.

if you have never been on the receiving end of your own
implements/tortures "know they rod and thy staff thyself".

if you think being rude is your right.

if you don't know what aftercare is -- or worse, you know
what it is and don't ever bother with it.

if you think spit is an acceptable lube for anal play (see:
know they rod thyself rule).

if you think leaving someone tied up and gagged alone in a
room for ANY amount of time unsupervised is ok.

rm_wenchang1966 46M
404 posts
2/5/2006 6:32 pm

Oh, my dear, I know your sex desire is very strong. If you come to Singapore, I can help you.

GaudsDogesSitar 61M

2/12/2006 5:21 pm

I need a little help.I believe that I am dom and have been told that and I have just met a woman that likes pain and pleasure not one more than the other and she trusts me. and I will be true to her.
My question is where do you you get those whips and where is the best place to buy them. I will most likely make a lot of my own restraints and binding tools as i can use them on myself first. Help me on the whips and such. Chris

oooDARKEYESooo 50F

2/14/2006 4:11 pm

There are lots of places online if you do not have a good local store. I would suggest you try JT's Stockroom online (google them). Things can get expensive though, so try first to use common things to administer pain before investing a lot. Leather belts, clothes pins (they come in a variety to sizes and materials), wooden spoons make great starter paddles, and a trip to Home Depot and you can stock up on rope.

I would strongly suggest before you do anything else is that you read. is a good place to start, as well as reading "Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns", Jay Wiseman's rope bondage book, and "D/s - A Different Kind of Loving". It is not just about inflicting pain. There is a serious mental connection and it needs to be tempered with a good knowledge of what you are doing both physically and mentally to your subject. Also, one persons idea of a high pain threshold is not necessarily anothers, so start slow and build, constantly checking back in with her during AND after sessions. A lot of times, subs are hesitant to call safewords if its too much while in play for fear of upsetting their Top, but encourage them afterwards when you are snuggling, to tell you what she liked best, what she didnt like at all, what she wished you had done harder, or perhaps what she had hoped would have happened.

Being a Dominant does not mean you become a mind reader, you need to constantly be probing them, finding out things in the bdsm world, testing them on yourself and then her, and then following up. Never assume that you know it all and that you cant learn to be better. I strive hard not to be a one-size-fits-all Domme because each person is an individual with their own needs, limits and thresholds and to forget that is not only dangerous, but likely to result in the relationship failing unnecessarily.

Good luck and let me know how things go.

Lady DE

rm_xbgm3 51M

5/9/2006 9:06 pm

I wouldn't dream of asking for your time until I had prepared myself, reading all you wrote or recommend. Where can I find more of your writings?

Thank you,

cock_brush_no9 44M

12/7/2006 11:17 pm

Well then if thats the definition of what is nOT a DOM.. I am happy to say that i AM one...however I do have the desire to sometimes, be the slave to some hot sexy dom woman to use me once in a while

darik2007 43M

3/25/2007 7:55 am

The most sensual and erotic DarkEyes has the outline down!! Thank you so much for those specifics. These are items that are overlooked and misunderstood, to a great deal of error. There is an etiquette to the interests and behavior that fall to the wayside of mainstream interpretation. Thank you again, this was exceptionally gratifying to see someone finally point out these misnomers. Darik2007.

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