Every 90 Seconds  

one_wilde_orchid 49F
31 posts
3/22/2006 7:03 pm

Last Read:
4/29/2006 5:05 am

Every 90 Seconds

Fact #1: 17.6 % of womyen in the United States have survived a completed or attempted . Of these, 21.6% were younger than age 12 when they were first , and 32.4% were between the ages of 12 and 17. (Full Report of the Prevalence, Incidence, and Consequences of Violence Against Women, Findings from the National Violence Against Women Survey, November, 2000)
Fact #2: 64% of women who reported being , phsically assaulted, and/or stalked since age 18 were victimized by a current or former husband, cohabiting partner, boyfriend, or date. (Full Report of the Prevalance, Incidence, and Consequences of Violence Against Women, Findings from the National Violence Against Women Survey, November, 2000)
Fact #3: Only about half of domestic violence incidents are reported to police. African-American women are more likely than others to report their victimization to police Lawrence A. Greenfeld et al. (199. (Violence by Intimates: Analysis of Data on Crimes by Current or Former Spouses, Boyfriends, and Girlfriends. Bureau of Justice Statistics Factbook. Washington DC: U.S. Department of Justice. NCJ #167237. Available from National Criminal Justice Reference Service.)
Fact #4: The FBI estimates that only 37% of all are reported to the police. U.S. Justice Department statistics are even lower, with only 26% of all or attempted being reported to law enforcement officials.
Fact #5: In the National Violence Against Women Survey, approximately 25% of women and 8% of men said they were and/or physically assaulted by a current or former spouse, cohabiting partner, or date in their lifetimes. The survey estimates that more than 300,000 intimate partner occur each year against women 18 and older. (Full Report of the Prevalance, Incidence, and Consequences of Violence Against Women, Findings from the National Violence Against Women Survey, November, 2000)
Fact #6: The National College Women Sexual Victimization Study estimated that between 1 in 4 and 1 in 5 college women experience completed or attempted during their college years (Fisher 2000).
Fact #7: Men perpetrate the majority of violent acts against women (DeLahunta 1997).
Fact #8: Every 90 seconds, somewhere in America, someone is sexually assaulted. ( , Abuse and Incest National Network (RAINN). RAINN calculation based on 1999 USDOJ NCVS data.)
Fact #9: Most perpetrators know their victims. According to the 2000 National Crime Victimization Survey, 62% of and sexual assault victims knew the perpetrator. More than 40% of and sexual assaults came at the hands of a person the female victim called a friend or acquaintance. Female victims identified intimate partners as the perpetrator in 18% of and sexual assaults (DOJ 2001).
Fact #10: In 2001, only 39% of and sexual assaults were reported to law enforcement officials - about one in every three. (1999 National Crime Victimization Survey)

In 1984 at the age of 17, on an Easter vacation with my best friend to Myrtle Beach, SC, I was the victim of "date ". It wasn't really a date at all. My best friend didn't want to drive the 50 miles back to Long Beach, NC, where her parents had a beach home. We happened to meet up with another girl from our school who was also vacationing in Myrtle. We hung out at the Magic Attic, which was really popular with the teens, and the band Sugarcreek was a frequent "headliner". They were playing there that night. Sugarcreek was based out of NC, named for the Sugarcreek area. There, we met some guys from New York, who were working in Myrtle in the Motel/Hotel construction that was always going on. They had a room they rented by the month. My best friend and the other girl cooked up the plan to stay at their room, the usual "I'll tell my mom I'm staying with you and you tell your mom you're staying with me". My mom was back home in NC. I wish I could have stayed with her. Each of the guys sort of "picked" who they liked of the three of us. Neither of us girls wound up with the one we wanted to. It was like a coed slumber party. We drank some beer, joked and laughed. But it was getting after midnight. And the inevitable question hung in the air around us...was anyone going to have sex? The other girl had her period, and the fact was thrown out in everyone's presence. My best friend was skilled at flirting and being coy...she declared she was a virgin...and played the part very well. But I've always had trouble lying, and I was very naive and extremely shy. I didn't know how to speak up for myself. So I just laughed when everyone else laughed and tried to avoid the topic falling to me. The boy liked me too much. I didn't understand why, because almost every guy always went after my best friend, the bold black-haired outgoing one. And he was the one she liked the most. I didn't know fear until the other four fell asleep. I tried to pretend I was going to sleep...but he wouldn't let me. I only knew his name was Scott. He just rolled on top of me and I put my hands between us and I shook my head and said "NO",but he jerked my shorts down and put his knee between my legs and shoved them apart, and he whispered "I need you", I brought my hands down between us against his stomach and tried to push him up off away from me, but he was too heavy and alot stronger than me...I tried pushing him off of me the whole time that he shoved himself into me...it didn't take him long...but the whole time I was crying and I felt too embarrassed to let anyone know what was happening to me...I didn't know how to make him stop...and I couldn't believe it was happening to me...and then it was over so quickly...and then he said "thank you", like I had given him something!!!! It made me feel so sick!!!...he just rolled over and passed out or something and I pulled my shorts up and went in the bathroom...I had to wash it off of me...and then I sat on the cold bathroom floor with my knees to my chest, crying because I wanted to be away from there and knowing my best friend wouldn't get up and leave until she was ready...I sat there for 3 hours, praying someone would wake up...I felt so stupid, how could I have been so stupid...as soon as daylight came my best friend and the other girl woke up...I didn't want everyone to see that something was wrong, I didn't want to make a scene...I just wanted to GO!!!...I was waiting at the door when my best friend came up to me and asked me "did you do it?" and I sort of nodded and I said "But I didn't want to"...and she said "Why not, He was the cute one!" in that way of hers that always made me feel like I was the party crasher...What she said cut through me like nothing I've ever felt before...I felt betrayed...I was alone...SHE was NOT my comfort or support...It hit me so hard...I could never tell her...and I could never forgive her...I buried the whole ordeal deep down inside me, pushed it back so far that it did not exist in my mind...I did not tell anyone for a long long time...and then it was to a childhood friend who had been a victim of also.
I never let myself be a victim again. Somehow, I pulled up the strength within myself that I did not have before. My ex husband inflicted verbal and emotional abuse on me for almost 2 years, until the day that he finally did what I'd always been able to avoid, and he gave me a black eye. Once was enough for me. I pulled upon my strength again and vowed to never be a victim of spousal abuse again. I was learning that the key to it all was in the choices. My youngest son's father was a master at being a con. He is a chronic liar. When my son was 5 months old, I walked into the home of an acquaintance with my children and his sister, to find him in bed with this local tramp. I pulled up my strength, turned around, and walked out the door, never saying a word and never looking back. I vowed to never be cheated on again. It was my choice to determine the things that led up to all events that happened. It has always been my choice to somehow rise above the pain and ugliness. I owe it to myself to always believe I'm too good to continuously and needlessly suffer through the worst pains a person can experience.
I'm not a saint. I enjoy indulging in the pleasures of the flesh and world just as much as anyone else. I've been naughty, but I've never been evil. I've never been malicious. I know that taking the higher road is the way to go. I know that evil begets evil. What I'm guilty of is being too honest, too willing to bare it all, and giving in to spontaneous ideas without fully thinking them through...not perceiving all the possible consequences.
I know that I'm a good and generous person. I know that many things are beneath me. I know that my intentions are good, perhaps my logic is faulty, but my intentions are meant in good faith. I know this and GOD knows this. I'm more spiritual than religious. I know that thoughts carry energy and can do great harm. I have felt this harm a lot recently. My intentions are always misunderstood, because I don't think the way most people think. I forget that very few people think like I do, and take things I do or say in the worst ways. Someone once told me "You don't know your strength"...I guess I don't. I don't realize how I come across until after it happens. Like when I get happy and tease someone I like, there have been those who took it to heart, got angry or upset, just because it was me doing it...when harm was the last thing I intended. I didn't know beforehand how those people would react. I don't deliberately hurt people because I know what it feels like, and I know that almost everyone will react with a vengeance. I know that revenge begets HELL on EARTH. That is why I don't seek it. I don't seek what I don't want to feel.
And though I have not been seeking it, I have been feeling it. Many times I have explained and explained to deaf ears and silence. If I realize I've been wrong about something, I will bring myself to admit it. I will apologize for it. I have never done anything so wrong it can't be forgiven. I have been hurt by someone on this site, but I've been hurt far worse by people much, much closer to me. I did not seek revenge then, and I do not seek revenge now. The only thing I can figure is that it is much easier for this person to believe, or want to believe, that I'm a petty, malicious, spiteful person...for whatever reasons only he knows. And he has freely painted that picture of me, knowing that it causes me pain. He freely paints the picture of me that he wants others to believe, but in that picture he has also painted himself. The very things he says I've done, He has done. I thought some things were a little odd a while back... but I didn't quite know what it was at the time. My perceptions hit too close to the bone for him. I only wished to help him, not condemn him. I tried to let him know I accepted him no matter what silly mischief he may be up to. My perception unsettles people, and it unsettled him. So much so that he created a scenario to push me away, without having to spill the truth. If you read the descriptions of the sun signs in Astrology, you will find that Aquarians value and practice truth more than any other sign. I'm an Aquarian to the core.
I made the mistake of pouring everything out to a friend I have on this site, another blogger who has always been very interested in me that I've kept as a friend. All my suspicions, all my pain. In jest one day I said, " oh what are you going to be, my knight?!" He took it to heart. But I don't want a war. I don't like fighting, arguing, all the hatefullness that comes out...hateful things that should never be said. When he told me what he'd done, it was already too late. And it's been every bit as horrible as I've feared. It makes me sick. And that was only the little bit I read yesterday. This isn't my fight, because I'm not fighting. I haven't been fighting. Even if you don't believe me B, its enough for me to know what the truth is. I don't have the will, the energy, or the time to expend on shit that is beneath me. It's been my choice to NOT put myself in the position to feel pain or humiliation. 90% of my time online is spent working on getting my site up and running. It's what I've looked forward to every day. IT is what's been on my mind since the last time I wrote you. I don't wish to mock you, hurt you, hate you, or agitate you. I don't know how to get that through that silly stubborn head of yours... I pulled on my inner strength and rose above the petty crap these blogs have brought. You haven't damaged me. I just look at it as something that happened the way it did for "whatever" reason, if I discover one, fine, if I don't, that's fine too. But I'm done with this chapter for now. Whatever shit happens back and forth between the two of you on here, I'm not a part of it!! I'm not taking responsibility for it. And I won't be seeing it. This online stuff is as real as a person wants to make it... I'm not letting it be real to me anymore. None of this bullshit between us would have happened in the outside world. I'm no longer letting it happen in mine. I wish you peace. L

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