oldman1776 78M
2175 posts
12/28/2005 10:49 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm


I writing this for me to get it out of my system.

I started drinking when I was 18 and by the time I was 21 and went into the Air Force I was a drunk.

I never drank on duty but every minute that I off duty.
It cost me two wives and four children and at the time I could have cared less because I had my Booze.
I have three children I haven't seen since 1965 I don't know where they are or if they are still alive, or if they know if I'm alive.

I have one daughter that lives 2 miles from me the only time I here from her is when she wants something and I can't blame her I was never a father to her but I had my Booze.

Then I found the love of my life and she put up with me and my booze.

One night I came home and some how in my drunken stepper realized what I had I told her that I wouldn't drink again.

You know what I never drank a drop after that while she was alive.

I even began to like my self.

then she got emphysema after 5 years she had to go on oxygen 24 hrs a day I had to get her a hospital bed because she couldn't sleep laying flat.
The last 3 years of her life she was in a wheel chair.

Damn it was hard to work all day come home do the house work cook do laundry take her to the bath room give her baths and all the time watch her slowly get worse.

Then one day she called me at work and said that she wanted to go to the doctor she said her stomach hurt the doctor said that she was going to put her in the hospital for some tests.

She got a room in the hospital in the after noon I told her I was going home and get some thing to eat. It takes about 15 minutes to get home from there when I walked in thee was a message on the phone to call the ICU unit I called and they said to get back up there as she was in ICU.

When I arrived she had Iv's a tube down her throat she couldn't talk she was full of pain killers.

The doc took me in a room and told me that she had cancer of the kidney and that it had spared through her lower body and there was nothing they could do and that she wanted off of life support.

I asked how long she would have if they removed the tubes o2 and Iv's they said that she would not last for more than 2 hours.

I told him that she had always said she didn't want to be on life support. I told the doc that if that was what she wanted thats the way is should be.

They said they would give her a privet room so that we could be alone.

well I sat there and held her hand and cry ed for 28 hours she lived for 28 hours after they took her after they took her off of life support I sat there and watched her dye It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do.

Setting and watching the one person that I had relay loved dye inch by inch minute by minute.

I know I've done a lot of wrong things in my life but she helped me change and then she was gone. It just isn't fair. But I guess life doesn't have to be fair.

Sorry but I feel better now I guess thats what blogland is for to get things out of your system.

Hope you don't think to bad of me.

You see since I've came to this site and found blogland and the people here. I have been happier than I have in 3 years Your all like my family like the kids that I never got to know.

You all accepted me even though I'm old enough to the father of most of you. and I love you all

Fairy_Gothmother 41F

12/29/2005 6:40 am


We're here for ya just call on us.

mysteriesofme 44F

12/29/2005 7:58 am

Why not track down the other kids...? You could write a letter to them once you found them, like you wrote now to us.

I am seperated from my birth father.. have tracked him down myself, still I have no explanation.. except from his sisters. (There was a huge custody battle for us kids, my mom won. He took that as, he wasn't good enough to be a father, so he wasn't. He did pay child support, but nothing else.) I tracked him down a few years ago, he thought I was my, he's clearly, not of his right mind. I have no regrets..

oldman1776 78M
3164 posts
12/29/2005 8:17 am

Fairy..Thanks for the hug. Some times we all need a HUG. And thanks for for being there.

oldman1776 78M
3164 posts
12/29/2005 8:21 am

mysteries..I've thought of finding them since my wife died I just have to get up the nerve. I will some day real soon.

Thanks for stoping by stop in any time.

oldman1776 78M
3164 posts
12/29/2005 11:36 am

mzhuny..Thank you so much. You are a special person to me.

You be good and take care sweet lady.

Valdrane78 38M

12/29/2005 1:44 pm

We all good threw those moments in our life. Those trying times. Living in a bottle is no way to live, and you are a beter man for beating it!

BANG! POW! BOOM! a study in useless knowledge and sick humor!
I want a damn soundtrack to my blog!

oldman1776 78M
3164 posts
12/29/2005 3:16 pm

Vasdrane...Thanks the first year was the bad one after that its not so bad at least for me.

Thanks for stopping in.

papyrina 51F
21133 posts
12/29/2005 3:25 pm

first time here and i really feel for you ,so a simple hug from paps.

i read some of your other posts,i enjoyed them thankyou and will be back on other occaisons not i've found you

I'm a

i'm here to stay

bardicman 50M

12/29/2005 5:35 pm

Oldman.. Blogville saved my life too. Not only saved my life but is slowly giving me a new life. One that makes me happier than I have been in so long.

Glad you are here.

Blog on brother !

I am not dead yet

oldman1776 78M
3164 posts
12/29/2005 5:36 pm

papyrina...Thanks for the kind words anthe hug.

Stop in any time the door is always open.

oldman1776 78M
3164 posts
12/29/2005 7:43 pm

Bard..Thats the way I feel to. Like I said they take you in no matter who you are. If your not an ass and if you are they will let you know.

Love your blog. Sometimes you can even be serious.

Thanks for stoping in I'm always home.

oldman1776 78M
3164 posts
12/29/2005 10:15 pm

Thank you for the hugs this old guy loves hugs.

Thanks for toping in come back I'm always home.

(Princess Lips)

12/29/2005 10:39 pm

another hug...


Whispersoftly5 52F
15176 posts
12/30/2005 5:53 am

My first time to your blog. Thank you for sharing this story. This post hit me. I've not seen or talked my dad since my 17th birthday and I'm 41 now. One of my brothers is still in contact with him and apparently he is still drinking pretty hard core. If he were like you and stopped I would more than welcome him back into my life. I respect you for stopping and wish you the absolute best in everything. Big hugs to you sweetie!


oldman1776 78M
3164 posts
12/30/2005 1:16 pm

redlipsprincess...Thanks I love your hugs.

oldman1776 78M
3164 posts
12/30/2005 1:20 pm

Whispers..Thanks. It's hard not knowing how they are.

Thanks for stoping by come by again I'm always home.

norprin5 55M

12/31/2005 6:12 pm

well, since you are old enough to be my's a manly hug from me, too.

it's only too late when you're dead. you'll know if & when it's the right time to contact your kids.

King Nor XVIII

oldman1776 78M
3164 posts
12/31/2005 9:39 pm

norprin...thanks and your hug it is apreciated.

I know I'll try and find them in the next year or two maybe sooner.

rm_Bct2Esi 51M/50F
1375 posts
1/1/2006 1:52 pm

{{{{{{{{{{oldman}}}}}}}}}} I have no idea how you came to be such a big part of my day, but you are I am thankful that we found each other.

I appreciate your views, opinions and stories

Yes you are old enough to be my dad Because of you, I found the strength to once again have a relationship with my father and forgive him for all the wrong doings that was done to me in my life.

Thank you for that, please don't wait too long to find them, its a 50-50 and I understand that its scarey to take that leap

My thoughts and prayers are with you on this un-journey when you decide to take it

hugs, luvs and smiles

oldman1776 78M
3164 posts
1/1/2006 9:17 pm

Bct..I'm glad you are going to have a relationship with your father .
It makes me feel good that I may have played a part in that.

oldman1776 78M
3164 posts
1/5/2006 7:52 am

Valley...Thank you sir for the kind words. I plan on starting the search this year.

Wishing you and yours the best of luck in the New Year.

acpp 61M
7 posts
1/7/2006 3:37 am

living from the heart even when painfull keeps us on the journey and allows the miracles of love and peace to come in, this has been a new way to look at adff. site thankyou for the blog and the heartfelt responses love and peace to all. i have walked the road less traveled and sometimes it feels like walking through sand but mostley now its skipping along keep up the good work because it will make you young again love acpp

oldman1776 78M
3164 posts
1/7/2006 8:07 am

acpp..Thank you for the kind words.

Thank you for droping in and come back any time.

ilsgicemru 72M
2822 posts
1/13/2006 8:15 pm

Oldman ................. Ah ........... The US Air Force !!! ....... Thats where I learned to drink !!! .................Sorry to hear about your troubles and the loss of your wife !! ....... I am a good friend of Bill W's !!!! ........ Did his friends help you with your drinking .. or were you able to just stay quit on your own ?? I will be brousing in your blog a little !!! .................. Keep up the good work !! ..............G

oldman1776 78M
3164 posts
1/18/2006 8:58 pm

ils...I just quit on my own. damn it was hard but worth it.

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