Communication: How Important Is It?  

ohcurious14 59M
1225 posts
5/31/2006 3:53 pm

Last Read:
11/23/2006 2:13 am

Communication: How Important Is It?

The one thing I learned in a failed marriage was that the lack of communication was a killer. It was not that it wasn't attempted either but through many years of being degraded and humiliated did I learn how important it was, that it was a major cause of failed marriage and I vowed it wouldn't happen again.

So I have decided to bring to light the importance of good communication and how it has made my relationship with naughtyblonde78 so strong. In order to establish a strong foundation for a relationship, NB and I both believe Communication to be key. Now mind you it is not the only thing that is important but is definitely a mainstay of the relationship.

Within the communication, and i'm not talking general conversation either, is where everything sprouts from. Communication builds trust. Anything that we do is mutually agreed to and we very clearly express our desires, each of us expressing our needs, and making sure we have a clear idea of what each of us expects from the other as well as what obligations are crucial to our relationship. Neither one of us take the other for granted, and this is so because everything is always discussed, reasoned, understood and communicated daily. DAILY, that's right, it is on going everyday. We leave no room for assumptions.

And why have we done this? Because we have dedicated our commitment to making sure that there are no misunderstandings, ever. We both had similar wants and needs as we knew very early in our relationship we were going to be Long term. With her being a newbie sub when we met, I clearly communicated that I would take things slow and would elevate her in the lifestyle as I saw progression. Well this woman did progress well and quickly.

As far as the BDSM lifestyle was concerned, understanding her desires, her limits, even her expectations were discussed. I had her fill out a fetish checklist so I could see what similarities we had, what things we both liked, what her limits were, and also what was considered to be her hard limits. Even though this was all on paper, it was still communication.

After each play session we have, I always lay atop her reach under her and hold her, ask if she is ok, and I do know she is, but out of respect and compassion I ask her anyhow, every single time. I always kiss her and tell her how much I love her and we discuss our play session each time as well. It helps in understanding how she felt inside and whether or not something needs to be changed or if there is something else she desired.

I know of some BDSM relationships where the submissive is given no voice and I feel that is wrong. All that happens in that type of situation is it gives the Dom an ego trip and is more theatrical than it is lifestyle. NB will always have the right to voice her concerns, her disappointments, her wants, her needs, her future desires at any time and feel she will not be chastised for that.

Even though our choices may change later, we are an open relationship couple and play both together and separately. We are non-judgemental and constantly communicate our thoughts and feelings. We need only look at each other to know that we are in total control of ourselves and are secure in our relationship and all because we communicate so well.

So what else does good communication do? It nullifies doubt, instills trust, allows for honesty at all times and establishes and even closer bond.


rm_Twister2bed 47M
617 posts
5/31/2006 6:20 pm

Without open lines communication many things break down not just a marriage I found this to be true in all facets of life. Work, friendships everything basically.

Insightful post

LOL wow first time spell checker didn't find anything wrong I think I'll go play powerball I'm feeling lucky


ohcurious14 59M
1683 posts
5/31/2006 9:37 pm

    Quoting rm_silkditty:
    Because I'm new, most of what I know about BDSM relationships has been through reading. It does seem to me there may be a chance for a stronger bond than a regular relationship offers, if the communication is as thorough as you suggest.

    I have had some exchanges on another blog probing the issue of whether the potent and titillating high produced can survive the rigors of living together day to day - the mundane taking over. What are your thoughts on that?
I think it most definately can. It is not an easy task but by the same token the efort is essentially effortless with us. We have gone to great lengths to maintain what we have and the reward was greatewr than the effort.


ohcurious14 59M
1683 posts
5/31/2006 9:40 pm

    Quoting rm_Twister2bed:
    Without open lines communication many things break down not just a marriage I found this to be true in all facets of life. Work, friendships everything basically.

    Insightful post

    LOL wow first time spell checker didn't find anything wrong I think I'll go play powerball I'm feeling lucky
And you are correct too Twister but it's very hard to find the good communication in the workplace.

Powerball? 17-19-33-37-45-59 lol j/k


ohcurious14 59M
1683 posts
5/31/2006 9:41 pm

    Quoting rm_Jeff196892:
    Ahhhhh its the Fly,, LOL
    I have been doing a little reading on the Subjct OC. I think I will have a good list for you. Are you coming to Clinton to camp?

    Jeff
Not for sure yet Jeff but will sure try.


ohcurious14 59M
1683 posts
5/31/2006 9:46 pm

    Quoting ShayeDK:
    If a Domme/Dom truly loves and respect her/his sub, she/he allows that sub to have a voice and a very clear voice, mind you. Anything less is role playing without true conviction and.or dedication to the lifestyle.

    In the world of BDSM, communication is paramount, as is trust and respect. A Domme/Dom that has no respect towards her/his sub, is once again, not committed to the lifestyle and is merely playing a role for one's ego stroking. In time, if there is no respect shown the sub, the sub becomes nothing more than a shell, something to be used and yes, abused. Remove the respect and that's about all a Domme/Dom is doing, using and abusing another human being.

    I just recently ran across your blog and have found your experiences in BDSM interesting.
    I'm a Loving Domme myself, shedding the S&M, preferring my control to one that is executed without pain or humiliation.
    And yes, it can be done.

    The degrees of the lifestyle are variable and every Domme/Dom and sub share a unique blend of what suits their desires, wants and needs. But I have yet to find a successful union of Domme/Dom and sub that did not place high value on mutual respect and trust.
I'm glad you did Shaye and I would love to of your stories as well. I am always seeking wisdom. I agree with the role playing point and that brings me to another interesting post i'm gonna do,The Online Dom, what a joke. I look forward to following your blog as well.Thanks so much for your input.


ohcurious14 59M
1683 posts
5/31/2006 9:48 pm

    Quoting NaughtyBlonde78:
    My Love, you know I agree with everything you've written...and we communicate so well, no matter what the subject is. That's not to say that it isn't difficult at times with touchy, emotional or painful subjects, but facing those fears I remind myself that I am loved and that the one I am talking to is open minded and caring.
Yes my love I understand and we have dealt with this too and have gotten through it because of our Communication.


fancy_for_you 40F
3014 posts
5/31/2006 11:47 pm

Guess I needs some communication lessons. Then again I know what I wanna say just not the right words to say it. And never been with anyone long enough for them to understand my bodily communication. Hummmmmmmmm definately need to work on this I think.

And glad you and NB communicate so well. Shows me yet again it can be done. Thank you both for being my living role models.

Fuzzy

~~Fuzzy~~


Nightguy_1961 55M
4866 posts
6/1/2006 12:22 am

Without communication, BDSM and it's activities degenerates into nothing more than abuse....imho

Good post.....

NG61....disappearing into the shadows....


ohcurious14 59M
1683 posts
6/1/2006 10:08 am

    Quoting fancy_for_you:
    Guess I needs some communication lessons. Then again I know what I wanna say just not the right words to say it. And never been with anyone long enough for them to understand my bodily communication. Hummmmmmmmm definately need to work on this I think.

    And glad you and NB communicate so well. Shows me yet again it can be done. Thank you both for being my living role models.

    Fuzzy
It's our pleasure Sweetie!!!!!


ohcurious14 59M
1683 posts
6/1/2006 10:10 am

    Quoting Nightguy_1961:
    Without communication, BDSM and it's activities degenerates into nothing more than abuse....imho

    Good post.....

    NG61....disappearing into the shadows....
This is so true NG. Oh no not that ABUSE word again!!!!! lol

Thanks for all of your input Sir!!!


rm_metalmama69 42F
3878 posts
6/4/2006 4:02 pm

i totally agree and have learned alot from You & NB. It can be very difficult when others feel the need to stick their noses in or get otherwise involved. Communication must also be heard by the other party...otherwise it's just talking!


Bladesong 40F
476 posts
6/5/2006 1:14 pm

Great post ohcurious. I totally agree with you on this. My master and I are the same way. Communication is very important and "does nullifies doubt, instills trust, allows for honesty at all times and establishes and even closer bond."

I have seen so many relationships fall apart and not nearly as close as they should be for this very reason. This is why I am blessed to have my master/Mate XXWindwalkerXX. We still to this day have a very strong relationship and marriage after 10 years because of this very fact. I married him fairly young (I was 20). We were talking about this very fact yesterday though even though we married early part of the reason we have lasted the way we have and have such a close bond is the fact that we communicate with each other our wants, desires, etc. Now mind you that does not mean that sometimes we don't have points where it gets tough but being able to talk about it together has kept us together even through the roughest of times.

This is also something that keeps our BDSM activities interesting. It tells us where our interests are changing as they constantly grow. Also if you value your submissive communication is the best way to show it. It strengthens the respect of the relationship and the trust as well as makes sure there are no assumptions.

Thank you for your view points ohcurious. I am really growing fond of your writings and wait to hear the next intersting thing you bring up.

~It is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved!

Be Good to those around you!

Blade


_Safira 53F
11260 posts
6/5/2006 9:40 pm

Beautiful post ... C'est vrai!

Safira {=}

This is my blog - Comes With Warning Labels. There are many like it, but this one is mine.

RECOMMENDED READING: A F F ... The Only Site For Me?


ohcurious14 59M
1683 posts
6/5/2006 11:02 pm

    Quoting rm_metalmama69:
    i totally agree and have learned alot from You & NB. It can be very difficult when others feel the need to stick their noses in or get otherwise involved. Communication must also be heard by the other party...otherwise it's just talking!
So true Metalmama69 and I know exactly what you mean too sweetie.


ohcurious14 59M
1683 posts
6/5/2006 11:08 pm

    Quoting Bladesong:
    Great post ohcurious. I totally agree with you on this. My master and I are the same way. Communication is very important and "does nullifies doubt, instills trust, allows for honesty at all times and establishes and even closer bond."

    I have seen so many relationships fall apart and not nearly as close as they should be for this very reason. This is why I am blessed to have my master/Mate XXWindwalkerXX. We still to this day have a very strong relationship and marriage after 10 years because of this very fact. I married him fairly young (I was 20). We were talking about this very fact yesterday though even though we married early part of the reason we have lasted the way we have and have such a close bond is the fact that we communicate with each other our wants, desires, etc. Now mind you that does not mean that sometimes we don't have points where it gets tough but being able to talk about it together has kept us together even through the roughest of times.

    This is also something that keeps our BDSM activities interesting. It tells us where our interests are changing as they constantly grow. Also if you value your submissive communication is the best way to show it. It strengthens the respect of the relationship and the trust as well as makes sure there are no assumptions.

    Thank you for your view points ohcurious. I am really growing fond of your writings and wait to hear the next intersting thing you bring up.
Blade, I thank you kindly for your endearing comments and am glad you enjoy. It is also nice to know this thoughts are shared by you as well in yours and XXWindwalkerXX life. I appreciate your input and am thrilled you visit regularly. I am truly honored. Thanks.

"Always Expect the Unexpected"


ohcurious14 59M
1683 posts
6/5/2006 11:09 pm

    Quoting Bladesong:
    Great post ohcurious. I totally agree with you on this. My master and I are the same way. Communication is very important and "does nullifies doubt, instills trust, allows for honesty at all times and establishes and even closer bond."

    I have seen so many relationships fall apart and not nearly as close as they should be for this very reason. This is why I am blessed to have my master/Mate XXWindwalkerXX. We still to this day have a very strong relationship and marriage after 10 years because of this very fact. I married him fairly young (I was 20). We were talking about this very fact yesterday though even though we married early part of the reason we have lasted the way we have and have such a close bond is the fact that we communicate with each other our wants, desires, etc. Now mind you that does not mean that sometimes we don't have points where it gets tough but being able to talk about it together has kept us together even through the roughest of times.

    This is also something that keeps our BDSM activities interesting. It tells us where our interests are changing as they constantly grow. Also if you value your submissive communication is the best way to show it. It strengthens the respect of the relationship and the trust as well as makes sure there are no assumptions.

    Thank you for your view points ohcurious. I am really growing fond of your writings and wait to hear the next intersting thing you bring up.
Safira, I'm truly honored by your visit. I am glad you approve.


HBowt2 59F

6/10/2006 6:54 am

    Quoting Nightguy_1961:
    Without communication, BDSM and it's activities degenerates into nothing more than abuse....imho

    Good post.....

    NG61....disappearing into the shadows....
You are so right NG.......nuff said...


rm_metalmama69 42F
3878 posts
11/3/2006 4:41 am

I'm glad I read this again! The communication between Sorceror07 and I has improved dramatically as time wears on. I feel comfortable telling him exactly what's on my mind and comfortable telling him when I feel he didn't listen. I'm also getting much better at listening to MYSELF, asking myself if there really is a concern or if my mind [or other people] is playing tricks on me. I still have room for improvement, and so does he. But we seem to be coming together as a couple VERY nicely and building a solid foundation for the rest of our lives together

Thank you, OC. You and NB were there for me when I needed you the most and I will forever be grateful to you both


ohcurious14 replies on 11/3/2006 11:19 am:
MM you are ever so welcome too sweetie. You and Sorceror are very special friends and we will be there for you through thick or thin.

hotnjucy44 44F

11/22/2006 4:17 pm

thank you for even more insight to the importance of communication, its role n bdsm as well as any relationship!

big huggs
niki


Become a member to create a blog