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The Swingstock Gazette, Thursday July 15, 2004
The Swingstock Gazette, Thursday July 15, 2004
Just thought you might enjoy a newsletter I published at Swingstock a few years ago before the newsletter was banned. I have removed any references to locations, you can guess where it is.
The Swingstock Gazette
Thursday July 15, 2004, somewhere in the northwoods, in bare country!
Published by Dennis & Ellen, cause we have too much time on our hands.
We are not affiliated with Swingstock other than paying to get in just like you.
Howdy from Dennis & Ellen
Ellen and I have been coming to Swingstock since we think 1998. For those that were here last year, we are at the campsite called: “No Shoes, No Shirt, No Problems!” which probably best describes the Swingstock philosophy. Last year we fed about 200 people corn on the cob and weiners on Wednesday and Thursday nights. This year we will have burgers, fries and desert on Wednesday night. Thursday night we will be serving corn on the cob again and, skin on and skin off wieners (cause some women can’t make up their minds what they like). Friday night we hope to again serve corn on the cob.
We are located near the restrooms in the RV area campsite 24. Oh, in case you didn’t hear, we do vote for best camp site, and this newsletter and the food is a simple bribe to cast your vote for campsite: “No Shoes, No Shirt, No Problems!” Stop bye and say hi!
This newsletter like the publication we own in our real life is and will be politically incorrect. If we offend you, it was on purpose! If you have problems with that, please use this and the upcoming issues to start your next fire!
On the subject of fires
Ellen and I take great pride in finding things that are hard to find.. (OK some hard things are GOOD to find)... but that is a whole nuther issue. Leon and Mary pulled in about noon the other day from Indiana and did not have a fire ring, since the fire rings were not yet delivered.
It was so sad, so we went out to look for a fire ring for them. We stopped at the auto savage place half way to town. We saw a great truck rim that would do the job just fine. But the junk yard dude felt it was a better weed pot than a fire ring, so he wouldn’t sell it to us. He suggested we drive into xxxxxxxx four miles away and buy one there. We did as he suggested and drove past the feed mill in xxxxxx to x-x-x-x-x-x-x Supply. They had a ton of fire ring/truck rims. The guy was asking only $10 a piece, so we bought one. If you need a fire ring, they are the number one fire ring retailer in all of x-x-x-x-x County, and endorsed by the Swingstock Gazette.
Looking for a great wiener?
Dennis & Ellen will be serving free skin on and skin-off wieners and corn at 5 today at campsite 24 “No shoes, No Shirt, No Service!” And we ask for your vote for best campsite, stop on by!
Where do I get that?
We have been coming to Swingstock for the past six years. To keep from going nuts we have a list. Actually that list has evolved into an excel spreadsheet. Call us anal but, our forgot list is usually down to two or three items.
Sam Drucker is in at X_X_X_X_X
If you don’t remember Petticoat Junction and Sam Druckers store, your too fricken young to be here. Well either way Sams store can be found about a mile away in X-X-X-X. Leon & Mary forgot their coffee pot. The lady at the X-X-X-X store, went in the back room and came out with a pot, which she cleaned, that they could USE for FREE while they were at Swingstock. That is the kind of service you will find at the X-X-X-X store.
The store and restaurant is open til 7 PM. Ellen and I have the prices and menu at our campsite 24. A burger basket costs $5.50. The store is stocked with nearly anything you might need. It’s fun to just look around it. It’s the cheapest place to get ice we paid $1.50 for a five pound bag.
If the X-X-X-X-X store does not have what you need. You need to go to town. Which in this area is X-X-X-X-X about 20 miles away. The town is fairly well stocked. The town of X-X-X-X-X-X has one grocery store, two hardware stores, a lumber yard, an auto parts store, a X-X-X-X-X-X, one bank and two liquor stores north of downtown on XX.
Swingstock Gazette position of the day
Sorry photos don't work here. It's a lady standing with just her fingernails touching, guy standing and taking her from behind.
Looking for suggestions for tomorrow position... we will need to test the viability.
Booze delivered to your doorstep, can you ask for any better?
On Wednesday we went to X-X-X to see the sights. We were looking for stuff we didn’t know we needed. I bought a pair of handcuffs from X-X-X-X... for some odd reason the clerk looked at me funny when I asked for a whip.
Then we when to X-X_X_X Liquor store about four blocks to the right as you get to main street. When I told the clerk I was looking for a small (3 liter) box of wine, cause five liters don’t fit in our fridge. The answer I got was: “Five Liters is all we stock.” Which was fine, so Leon and I decided to go to the OTHER liquor store in town.
About a stones throw south from X-X-X-X Liquor store is X-X-X-X-X Liquor Store. Within a minute after I got in the store, I knew the guy understood the opportunity that was in front of him. He said, gentlemen welcome to our community is there anything I can do for you?
I said: “well I’d like a 3 liter box of wine I don’t care about the price, I don’t have room for the five liter.” The guy said: “I’ll order it tonight, it will be here tomorrow. Oh and by the way tell the rest of the Swingstock crew if they show their wristband we offer 5% off. Also if the order is large enough, WE WILL DELIVER to Swingstock.” Now THIS guy understands Swingstock and the money involved. So take your money to X-X-X-X Liquor you’ll be glad you did.
I’m bored, what is there to do?
If your up here and getting laid and BSing with great people is not enough for you, you may have issues. There are a few things you can do.
I do the majority of my grouse hunting within five miles of here. You can see deer in the area, there was even a bear spotted on Swingstock grounds. If your worried about bears, they are only a problem if they are startled. So some people suggest that you wear bells so they can hear you coming.
There’s two types of bears in the area: black and grizzly bear. The best way to tell the difference is look at their dropping piles if you can find them. Pick through them you’ll find bells in the Grizzly piles.
Is it worth the Gamble?
So if nature and getting laid is not enough to keep you busy, you can donate to the local Indian Tribe. Just --- miles ---- in XXXX is XXXX Casino one of the largest casinos in the xxxx. xxxx Casino has slots and black jack. They also have three restaurants. Sorry they all require that you be fully clothed. They have an all-you-can- eat buffet that ain’t half bad.
If you can think of a better place to be this weekend... don’t let the gate hit you in the ass as you are leaving!
Show your tits!
Is this your first year at Swingstock? Are you afraid to bare it all? This is a clothing OPTIONAL event. For the first time in your life it’s YOUR option, NOT societies if and how many clothes you are wearing. If you want to stay fully dressed, NO ONE should say anything to you. If someone does, I have as very profound response... tell them to: “Go fuck yourself, it’s MY body and I will do with it as I want!”
If you do decide to bare it all, you may be taking a life changing leap. You will be announcing to the world that you refuse to abide by stupid laws by some uptight people with serious issues. Skin to WIN!
So what are the rules?
Since we stay up late and burn the midnight fire I have had a few questions from the newbies at Swingstock. Once I was asked: if it’s all right to watch people have sex. I responded, it's OK to watch, but raising score cards was a bit over the top.
Or my wife and I want to get together with another couple what do we do? Best answer is husband or wife, ask the other husband or wife, if they wanna swap. That’s what people are here for, and don’t take offense if the answer is no. You have about 350 other couples to ask. Some couples only swap as couples. Some couples never swap but like to watch and be watched by other couples.
Easiest rule to remember is No! means No!
How about threesomes?
If you ask guys what their number on fantasy is, you will probably hear a 3some with two women. That happens a bunch at Swingstock. What also happens is two guys having a 3some with two women at the same time.. its called swinging...
What about same sex sex?
Is it OK for us to have same sex sex? Hey if everyone is in agreement do what you desire.
This weekend you are in the Puritan Free Zone. Just be SAFE!