On the Subject of Jealousy  

noordinarychic2 48F
510 posts
6/5/2006 6:31 am

Last Read:
6/8/2006 5:23 am

On the Subject of Jealousy

So this morning I get a wake up call (ok a get up now i know your sleeping but i need to talk call) from my girlfriend...who is having a man crisis! How does one have a "man crisis" at seven in the morning???? lol....Frankly, my rule--no crisis of any sort until after at least one cup of coffee!! Seriously though....I'm wondering why it is that this girl....who is smart, sexy, funny and collects phone numbers and guys for that matter just by saying "hi" is fooling with this--I repent in advance God---jerk of a guy...he's mad for her but seems to have a bit of a stalker mentality.....the latest twist... she got offered a job last night...out of the blue, great pay and so on her way to talk to the owner of the company this am she calls this guy and expects a "that's great! way to go! good luck! " etc.... what she gets instead is him crying (literally) and saying this is just another thing that will come between them...that if she would just move in with him he will take care of her...she doesn't have to work...he wants to marry her....etc etc etc....Now my friend, being the sweetheart that she is doesn't want to hurt him but truth be told he is "strangling" the life out of any potential relationship.... "r" -- my friend---is a free spirit...she's been in two horrible relationships...she's not ready to settle down and if she did...it wouldn't be with this guy...or at least i don't think so.....hell even she admits the sex isn't all that great...and for her ....sex is a fun filled adventure .... and a relationship without it....doomed from the start........I thought this blog was about jealousy but I think its more my attempt to get some of this straight in my head.......I really luv this girl and want to give her the best advise I can......and she's struggling here.....and hurting....and this guys playing dirty.....he's dangling money, involving her kids.....and making her feel guilty for not being madly in love with him.......and all the while accomplishing nothing except driving her farther away from him..........he trying to force something that may be there eventually -- a serious relationship -- in my mind because he realizes what an awesome woman she is and is so insecure with himself that he's afraid that time is not on his side........I guess there's no answer here but for my part...as I told her this am....I'm in it with her for the long haul....I'll support whatever decision she makes but she knows me well enought to know that I speak my mind...I do it with love but word to the wise...if you every ask me my opinion ....expect oh.... my opinion have a great day all....I'm off to play college student!!! NOC2

RogueAgent000 49M

6/5/2006 7:28 am

I must concur as well...sounds as if "R" should "stay the course" and not allow the dangling to influence her. While compromise is good in a relationship, not having ones needs met in other areas could be a "red flag." Timing means a lot...hope it all works out for her.

Darkpassion 57F

6/5/2006 7:53 am

She should take her kids and run as fast as she can away from this guy. Possessiveness, jealousy and stalking are not love. All she has to do is what makes her happy and if she is ringing you at 7am she's not happy.

out_for_a_ride 35M

6/5/2006 8:31 am

all great advice and right on the money. you need to help her run fast from this, she has settled and compromised her own ambitions and desires long enough...it's not selfishness to focus your attention first on fulfilling your souls desires...in fact, in doing so one is far more beneficial in helping others because they have mastered internal peace and balance. your friend needs this more than anything, and you have to be the one to help her see this...the key difference between you and this guy (that i think you should point out if you haven't already) is that you are expressing your opinion and showing her the road you think she should travel, knowing that she must choose to walk it herself; where as he is trying to force her down that path....eventually we all get where we want to go, but unless we are consciously specific in how we want to get there, odds are that we'll get what we want in a way we didn't want to get it. that might read as though "no matter what, things works out", but thing about that is, if we're getting what we want in a way we don't want to get it, we cease to want what we're getting. and the cycle is respawned with our newest desires until we understand that we must not only decide where we want to go, but how we want to get there. i hope, for her sanity (and yours as the friend you are), she chooses an easier path for the long haul than the one she's on currently

midwestboy1972 44M  
663 posts
6/6/2006 5:00 am

Tough subject but no brainer! These guys are all right. These are all signs of mental abuse towards her and possibly mental illness on his part. If he's using money, crying, working on the kids, he'll obviously go to great lengths to get what he wants. She needs to get away fast, but be very careful doing it. I've seen people like this guy snap before and the consequences can be fatal. I really don't mean to scare you, but this sounds like a potentially dangerous situation. Please advise your friend to tred lightly!

noordinarychic2 48F
242 posts
6/6/2006 9:15 am

Midwest...once again you and i are on the same page.....I've broached this subject and i think she's thinking the same thing and that's why she's so hesitant in telling him what she really thinks...hell she's still sleeping with other guys....she doesn't have her best friends issue with casual sex at all...lol....the only time i've ever heard her REALLY tell him anything close to the truth is when she was drunk the other night.....i don't know.....i've said from the beginning this guy was moving way way way too fast.....

fndsinva 50M

6/7/2006 1:12 pm

I won't even add my two cents here. Everyone already has it covered. But I will say she should RUN, not walk away from this guy.....quickly.

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