Can We Really Be Friends?  

noordinarychic2 48F
510 posts
7/25/2006 9:42 pm

Last Read:
7/30/2006 6:07 pm

Can We Really Be Friends?

For the last two days my best friend (i hesitate at this point to wonder if he still considers me his best friend) anyway...we've been fighting. He said some well deserved yet painful to hear things to me today about how he REALLY feels. In his defense he's a guy..we chics...we don't have a problem letting it all out, but he let it out today and said "fuck the sugar coating" it is. And it hurt. He tells me we will remain in each others lives but I'm beginning to wonder if my presence is hurting him more then its helping him...but walking away? To me that would be akin to losing a body part-he's become a big part of my daily life...and that's the issue or so it seems. The one comment I will share and I'd be interested to get some feedback on is this...he said "I'm tired of basing all of my decisions on whether or not it would hurt you"...mainly women and dating...he holds back because of me...because he knows that it hurts me...and its true. For all my "we're just friends" and all my dates..which i tell him if to prove to both of us that i'm moving on....when he says "i've got a date"...i implode...there are tears etc etc etc....and that is wrong and unfair to him. I've done a lot of soul searching today and i've realized...much to my shame...that he's right. I haven't let go. I'm holding on with everything i've got to what little of him is still mine. I don't trust him enough to let go and believe that when he tells me I'll never be without him..he's means it. I make sure i'm never without him and in the end...if i keep that up and don't just lay this relationship down and trust that what it is meant to be, it will be...i'm going to lose him anyway. So today...i'm laying it down. We talked tonight and he made the point that i never give him a chance to prove to me that he will call, that he will be there, that he does care....that we will still do things and be together and have fun because i do it first...aka i don't give him a chance to text me..i text him first...if he doesn't call, i assume disaster and call him...if i have a problem...i call him versus trying to solve it myself....Sadly NOC2 is realizing that she is not this tenderhearted, selfless loving soul she thinks herself to be. I've got a lot of work to do....but everything in me tells me to try...not to just say "fuck it" and pack it in. We have a strong foundation he and I and if he'd wanted to go, he would have gone a long time ago...i'll be the first to admit that being my friend...its not the easiest task on the here's to trust-to walking into the darkness and believing that the hand you need to guide you through will be there when you need it the most. Nite... NOC2

midwestboy1972 44M  
663 posts
7/26/2006 4:40 am

I think that's one approach. The other one, which I've done successfully, is to walk away. The foundation you have will not crack and after a time the two of you will be able to move forward with your friendship and build something on top of that foundation. I'm just saying it's worked for me better that way! Good luck.

sordy2go2 40F

7/26/2006 11:53 am

Did you ever think for a moment its better to have him in your life as your friend then a lover. You keep pushing him and pushing him what happens when you push to far and you are left with nothing? I have been in your shoes before in love with my best friend with nothing but friendship from him. Not the best place to be. But I just had to do it. Do I push him out of my life all together or do I let my love go and just be his friend? So I did it and we have been best friends for over 10 years now. We have seen each other thru lovers, friends, family matters and we are still there even if he is in another state. I am there when he needs me and he is there for me when I am in need. Does not make it any easier to hear this I know but trust me it does get better and in time you will see that too. I wish you all the luck in the world. And your mister right will come to you and your best friend will be there wishing you all the luck with him.

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