SAD & DEEP AS ME  

nohighman22 64M
5 posts
7/9/2006 7:51 am

Last Read:
7/15/2006 8:06 am

SAD & DEEP AS ME

Sadness takes me over from any and all directions, sometimes from nowhere, sometimes from a reaction from a outside force, usually from nothing at all. This deep, deep sadness is felt and falls way down in my soul. I get confused easy, my attention is limited and every thing in my life seems to have been a failure. People say things like you look like you lost your best friend because it shows so distently in my face. I find that i look and here simple life ocurrences and have to hold back a busting cry that would embaress me. I say and tell myself there is something terribly wrong with me, why does this happen?,what forces in the passed or baggage I am carrying makes me feel this? What issues do i need to resolve? I can't get any decent sleep and feel tired and run down. It carries on for days. I am late for work and its a hard push just to get going because of how i feel. Its about me , self , nothing else seens to matter. I have seen doctors , therpist , taken one antidepressant after another, They may help for awhile , then i need to change to others and others. I think about my endless lonliness , it don't matter that people care, My life,whats it purpose? I think about death all the time, it scares the hell out of me. Its said that a coward dies many times , but a hero just once! I think of the pain i will feel when my Mom dies, my dog, etc. I want to be different and know what is beyond. As a boy i would lye in bed at night and think, when i am gone i will never exist any more , no more me , no Marty anymore, Damm that just scares me to schiver.


Become a member to create a blog