Persian Rug Jul 8, 2009 2:00 pm Mood: Amused, 215 Views A woman walks into a shop that sells VERY EXPENSIVE PERSIAN RUGS. She looks around and spots the perfect rug and walks over to inspect it. As she bends to feel the texture of the rug she farts loudly. Very embarrassed she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and hopes a sales person does not pop up right now. As she turns back, there standing next to her is a salesman. "Good day Ma'am, how may we help you today?" Very uncomfortably she asks, "How much does this rug cost?" He answers, "Lady if you farted just touching it, you're gonna shit in your pants when you hear what the price is." 13 Comments

TOP 10 SIGNS THAT YOU KNOW IT'S TIME TO JOIN E-MAILERS ANONYMOUS Jul 5, 2009 2:21 pm Mood: HORNY AS FUCK!!, 579 Views 10. You wake up at 3 a.m. to go to the bathroom, and check your e-mail on the way back to bed. 9. Your firstborn is named "dotcom." 8. You turn off your modem and are suddenly filled with a feeling of emptiness, as if you just pulled the plug on a loved one. 7. You spend half of a plane trip with your laptop in your lap...and your child in the overhead compartment. 6. You decide to stay in college for an additional year or two just for the free Internet access. 5. You find yourself typing "com" after every period when using a word dotcom. 4. You refer to going to the bathroom as downloading. 3. You move into a new home and decide to netscape before you landscape. 2. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. AND THE NO. 1 SIGN THAT YOU KNOW IT'S TIME TO JOIN E-MAILERS ANONYMOUS....... Immediately after reading this list, you e-mail it to someone. 15 Comments

It's 90+ Degrees Jul 5, 2009 2:15 pm Mood: HORNY AS FUCK!!, 616 Views So it's a perfect time to take off all your clothes....... Who wants to join me? 26 Comments

11th Husband Jul 4, 2009 12:06 pm Mood: Amused, 751 Views A young man married a beautiful woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband to 'Please be gentle; I'm still a virgin'. 'What?' said the puzzled groom. 'How can that be if you've been married ten times.?' 'Well, husband#1 was a Sales Representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be. 'Husband # 2 was in Software Services; he was never really sure how it was suppose to function; but he said he'd look into it and get back with me. 'Husband # 3 was from Field Services; he said that everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up. 'Husband # 4 was in Telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver. 'Husband # 5 was an Engineer, he understood the basic process but he wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state of the-art method. 'Husband #6 was from Administration; he thought he knew how but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not. 'Husband # 7 was in Marketing; although he had a product, he was never sure how to position it. 'Husband # 8 was a Psychiatrist; all he did was talk about it. 'Husband # 9 was a Gynecologist; all he did was look at it. 'Husband # 10 was a Stamp Collector; all he ever did was.....well you can imagine........ God I miss him. ' But now that I've married you, I'm so excited'. 'Wonderful', said the husband, 'but why? 'Your're with the 'GOVERNMENT'.. This time I KNOW I'M gonna get screwed 23 Comments

Happy 4th!!! Jul 4, 2009 11:57 am Mood: Excited, 755 Views I hope everyone has a fun and safe 4th of July!!! Enjoy the day and make some fireworks. Oh, yeah, enjoy the fireworks display too..... 22 Comments

Top Ten Things Men SHOULDN'T say out loud in Victoria's Secret: Jul 2, 2009 12:09 pm Mood: Amused, 1036 Views #10 Does this come in children's sizes? #9 No Thanks. Just Sniffing. #8 I'll be in the dressing room going blind. #7 Mom will love this. #6 Do you have this with a Dallas Cowboys Logo on it? #5 No need to wrap it up, I'll eat it here. #4 Will you model this for me??? #3 Oh honey, you'll never squeeze your fat ass into that! #2 45 bucks?? You're just gonna end up NAKED anyway!! #1 The Miracle What??? This is better than world peace!! 34 Comments

Deodorant Jun 30, 2009 11:30 pm Mood: Amused, 1239 Views A blonde walks into a pharmacy and asks the assistant for some rectum deodorant. The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to the woman that, they don't sell rectum deodorant and never have. Unfazed, the blonde assures the pharmacist that she has been buying the stuff from this store on a regular basis and would like some more. "I'm sorry," says the pharmacist, "We don't have any." But, I always buy it here," says the blonde. "Do you have the container that it came in?" asks the pharmacist. "Yes," said the blonde, "I'll go home and get it." She returns with the container and hands it to the pharmacist who looks at it and says to her, "This is just a normal stick of underarm deodorant." Annoyed, the blonde snatches the container back and reads out loud from the container "TO APPLY, PUSH UP BOTTOM." 30 Comments

Women in Lingerie Jun 30, 2009 9:42 pm Mood: Excited, 1266 Views I can't recall anyone that doesn't enjoy the sight of a beautiful woman in sexy lingerie. Whether it's for lounging, sleeping, or just down right being a naughty little thang.......a woman wearing lingerie is beautiful. So Bustybettyboop is having some fun with women in lingerie with her "sexiest lingerie" contest. Go check it out. There are some fabulous women there. If you don't like participating in contests at least go look. There are some hot women...... And while you are there, you could lend me your vote if you'd like... or if not, I will understand, there are some hot women over there......I just thought, hey, I have a lot of lingerie, might as well put it to good use!!! LOL!!!! Here's the post I am in...... [post 1995657] and here are the other posts ........ [post 1995676] [post 1995698] [post 1995689] [post 1995695] [post 1995703] [post 1995709] [post 1995716] [post 1995727] [post 1995733] [post 1995743] Good Luck to All!!!! {/center] 28 Comments

Dentist Visit Jun 29, 2009 9:01 pm Mood: Amused, 1428 Views A man goes to a dental surgeon to have a tooth pulled. The dentist pulls out a freezing needle to give the man. "No way! No needles! I hate needles!" the patient said. The dentist starts to hook up the laughing gas and the man again objects. "I can't do the gas thing - the thought of having the gas mask on is suffocating to me!" The dentist then asks if the man has any objection to taking a pill. "No objection", the patient says, "I am fine with pills". The dentist then returns and says, "Here is a Viagra tablet." The patient says, "Wow - I didn't know Viagra worked as a pain killer!" "It doesn't," said the dentist, "but it will give you something to hold onto when I pull out your tooth." 36 Comments

Dandruff Jun 25, 2009 1:52 pm Mood: Amused, 1988 Views A blonde and a brunette both board an elevator and push the buttons for their respective floors. On the next floor, the door opens and a businessman wearing a black suit boards the elevator. It’s evident that the man has dandruff problems, because it can be seen on the shoulder of his suit. Two floors later the man gets off, and the two women remain. When the door closes the brunette says, “Someone should give that guy some Head & Shoulders.” The blonde then responds, “How do you give shoulders?” 48 Comments

Midnight Jun 23, 2009 10:34 pm Mood: Excited, 2140 Views It's almost midnight and I am pumped. We are going to see Transformers 2, Revenge of the Fallen tonight. Our little man is stoked!! My hubby has been running around the house pretending he has been transforming all day.....Well until tomorrow...... 44 Comments

Woman in a Coma Jun 23, 2009 8:48 pm Mood: Amused, 2124 Views A woman was in a coma, she had been in it for months. Nurses were in her room giving her a blanket bath. One of them was washing her private area and noticed that there was a slight response on the monitor when she touched her. They tried it again and sure enough there was a small, recognizable movement. They went to her husband and explained what happened, telling him, 'As crazy as this sounds, maybe a little oral sex will do the trick and bring her out of the coma.' The husband was skeptical, but they assured him that they'd close the curtains for privacy. The husband finally agreed and went into his wife's room. After a few minute s the woman's monitor flat lined, no pulse, no heart rate. The nurses run back into the room. 'What happened!?' they cried. The husband said, 'I'm not sure, but I think she might have choked? 38 Comments

800 Jun 22, 2009 8:31 pm Mood: Excited, 2618 Views 800!!! Here's to the next 800!!!! 100 Comments

 ninner1998

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