Helping others.  

nightstogether 56M
818 posts
8/3/2005 2:27 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Helping others.

It's a strange thing, but some people seem to have a sort of sixth sense when it comes to finding those prepared to help others. I should really have expected it, since the person concerned is an ex-wife, and she should have some sort of idea of what sort of person I am.

Regardless of which, she turned up here late on Monday night, just as I was about to get into my car and drive off the the sauna. She told me of her debt problems, which came as no surprise to me because I knew about them when we were married and I cannot imagine anyway that she would have bothered to clear them or to regulate her income.

This time, however, it's different. This time she has come to me to listen to my suggestions rather than to let them run from one ear, through an empty head and out the other. This time two firms that she owes money to have gone the full hog and have received court orders blocking her bank account. Her small income goes into the bank, and stays there. Up until now they've only written to her, and she has successfully ignored them; now she is forced to take action.

And what does a person do who cannot handle their own financial accounts and is beset from every side by debts and court actions? Exactly; they come to me.

So, I had to give up practically all of my day on Tuesday too. I travelled to her home town and we both went to her bank. At the bank I requested copies of the blocking orders and details of the companies and sums involved. I first had to explain to the middle-aged woman that, although we have the same name (my ex and I ), I do not have any debts, nor an account at their bank, and if she insists on treating me like a criminal and a deadbeat, I'll simply go over her head and have the bank manager come out front and deal with matters. She understood.

I got copies of the various bits and pieces referring to the court orders and a promise that my ex-wife would be able to get money from her bank account to feed herself and the children.

Then, since my ex is moving house, I opened a special savings book for her. In Germany we have a thing called a Kaution. This is the financial security some landlords demand in advance for any protential damage to property or sontents during a rental period. It can be up to three months rent (without other costs being taken into account such as heating and water). My ex-wife, although she had made all the arrangements to move and so on, naturally didn't have the necessary eight hundred Euro to pay this security. Without the security payment she cannot move into the new flat, but still has to move out of the old one on time. Homeless through stupidity. So, guess who paid 800 into the account?

Next move, off to the court. Here I was able to advise the court official that payments were now going to be made, and explain that my ex had only come to me for help the previous night, otherwise things might have happened quicker. He was very understanding, since he apparently knows my ex and her finances rather well now. The court orders would be lifted by the court when payment of the debts began, and then completely removed once the debts had been paid off.

Next move, contact the two firms involved. They're not the original firms. Here debts are not necessarily sold onto another firm - factoring - but are passed on to a specialist debt collecting firm. These debt collecting firms have to be officially recognised by the highest court in their respective region before they operate, and are always carefully scrutinised. No large men in black suits knocking on doors here, or at least, not very often!

The two firms agreed to put their demands on hold and accept a payment plan which I proposed. Both companies - or rather, their legal representatives as the debt has been moved on - receive three hundred Euro down payment this week and then payments each month until the debts are cleared. Once the debt is cleared they remove their request to the courts.

So, for the time-being, my ex is out of trouble. The payments will be made regularly and in full because I'm the one doing it, and because, since I am the one doing it, she has no other choice. For the next five years or so, she's going to have to live on the bare minimum. That's something she has to accept, because the alternative is that her bank account is blocked once more and that her new employer receives demands from the various companies to pay them directly. Most companies do not like doing this, and the debtor has to pay a fee for what their employer is legally bound to do. The fee can be twenty-five Euro per transaction. As most firms don't like doing this, they simply fire the employee and take the easy way out. They may well lose if the case is brought before a court, but that makes little difference, as they're not necessarily required to re-instate the bad debtor. For my ex that would mean the end; she hasn't worked long enough to get an even halfway reasonable sum in unemployment money and, since she's capable of working, doesn't qualify for welfare.

One of the debts is from 1979 and the other from 1988. More than two thirds of the sum she has to pay are court costs and interest payments.

What do you think; will she learn from her mistakes, or will she write up more debt in the knowledge that it'll be several years before she has to pay up?

private-intellectual (.de)

mi_mwpm 51M

8/3/2005 7:37 am

I have a sister-in-law that's very much the same way. I've tried helping her, but she's still in the in one ear, out the other mode. Hopefully your Ex will finally have grasped the problem now that she's had to turn to you for help.

476 posts
8/3/2005 8:13 am

I was deeper in debt once (about 140K in loans, 10K in credit cards, and 50K in back taxes), but I managed to get it cleaned up mostly. Had a home and car repo-ed, and worked out payments with the Ccs and IRS. NEVER again.

Send her to Keithcancook's bolg for a robo-spanking by the penguins.

CuteAZguy27 39M
1545 posts
8/3/2005 8:41 am

First of all, excellent job, i really enjoyed the quote :... and if she insists on treating me like a criminal and a deadbeat, I'll simply go over her head and have the bank manager come out front and deal with matters. She understood.

Its so annoying just because one is wearing a tie or a dress with a name tag, they look down on you, come on folks, get a like !

I hope your ex does learn her lesson, I have to give you a hand on going out and handling this with her, my ex and i don't see eye to eye at all! the only reason that we argue over the phone is because of our kids are in our lives, lol.


CuteAZguy27 39M
1545 posts
8/3/2005 8:43 am

lol i love my typose...(life)

nightstogether 56M

8/3/2005 9:08 am

It's a sad fact of life that some people believe they can continue as if nothing has happened simply by putting an unopened envelope in a drawer and leaving it there. The only reason my ex came to me is because her bank account was frozen and she couldn't do anything about it without paying, and didn't / doesn't have the cash to solve the problem. Some times it really is only the kick between the legs which gets things moving!

private-intellectual (.de)

nightstogether 56M

8/3/2005 9:08 am

Oh, and I should add, this is the same woman who telephoned me and asked for money for food because she'd spent her last money on cigarettes and had nothing left for the children.

private-intellectual (.de)

DukeAbbaddon 42M
280 posts
8/3/2005 12:02 pm

at first i thuoght ... looking for praises well is half some i meen
if she gambled it would explain it... or oh by the way when you maried did she still need independant loans ? and was it for the kids education or a ring ? like a real one with a diamond on it ?

rm_saintlianna 45F
15466 posts
8/3/2005 8:52 pm

Doubtful, but you never know. Just keep repeating to yourself over and over, "Doing it for the kids, I'm doing it for the kids". You know, I am starting to realize that intelligent conversation beats the hell out of I will suck this or lick that. Thank you.

nightstogether 56M

8/4/2005 2:58 pm

She does have to repay the entire sum to me, nbtnt, since I deduct it direct from the alimony that I would normally pay her each month.

You're right, saintlianna, that's what I should be sayong and, to a certain extent, it is also true. But it is also a fact of life that certain feelings are left over from a relationship, no matter how it ends up, and I would have helped her even without my daughter.

private-intellectual (.de)

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