The rules of friendship  

nightstalker172 36M
1646 posts
9/25/2005 12:14 am

Last Read:
6/21/2006 4:16 pm

The rules of friendship

Can anyone tell me why is it that women think that being "friends" is a "good thing". How many women out there can honestly say that they want to be "friends" with someone they are attracted to or even have a crush on? So what is it in your mind that makes you think that "friends" is the way we want to go. Then you get all pissed when we avoid and ignor you. HELLO! does wasteing my time mean anything to you? Why do you even care if I dont want to be friends you dont like me anyway so whats the big deal? My point being is women think the "friends" is being polite. Do you even realize its more of a lead on?...Saying you want to be "friends" means that you like me as a person so I might have a chance to make things workout. When in fact you have no interest in this person what so ever. Do you really think thats fair? Why are you so dishonest? Why cant you say Im not attracted to you and I dont like you leave me alone. It may be mean but at least you arent giveing a guy a false sense of hope by pretending to be "friends".

In my exsperience men and women cannot be just "friends" not when ones is attracted to the other.

wyvernrose 38F
3895 posts
9/25/2005 2:57 am

in my experience they can be


nightstalker172 36M
1258 posts
9/25/2005 3:17 am

Im talking about a sexless doesnt work if one is attracted to the other in that way. But if you are the one who has someone who hasa crush on you but you dont feel the same of course its good for YOU! can them around your little finder....which is cruelest thing you could do to anyone...x)

goddessofbitches 41M/33F

9/25/2005 11:51 am

On the norm...I usually agree with you. But today...I don't. Here's where my definition of "friends" comes into play.

You know I am a different type of woman. I am the Brutally in your FACE type woman. I am also one who doesn't think twice to tell someone what I think, and I know you know that from reading my responses in the advice lines and my bitch rants as well.

Before I met my husband, I did things a little different than most. I wouldn't just let a guy date me. We had to be friends first. Why? My belief is that someone you want to be going to have to show that he/she can be a trust worthy friend. If they can't, what makes you think they will be a good boyfriend/girlfriend?
So..I am friends with all of my past boyfriends and girlfriends. All of them. I was a friend first.
Now. There was an incident where...I was deadly attracted to a guy that knew how I was. We became friends and we did hang out every now and then. He took advantage of me one night. He asked me if I wanted to take things to a sexual level. I agreed. I took things to that new sexual level and decided to leave it at that. Well...that's what he wanted. He had no intentions of being a steady boyfriend. And that hurt me. I was hoping that he would come around and say...I want to be more...but he never did. He got what he wanted and then he disappeared for a few weeks. He would come back...make it seem as though he wanted things to progress...only to get what he wanted. It was so sad really. the end. Everyone ended being my friend first. Even my husband was a friend first. But we had an instant connection...that sparked me to go outside of my norm.
We now tell people we are each others "Best Friend" And it works out too. We tell each other secrets...hopes and dreams. Everything. Some say that is what makes us such a strong couple. Is because we don't have many other or otherwise...that distract us.

So...being friends with me is actually a plus. Not only because I am a good friend...but because it can lead to other things. And don't worry about feelings. I was very careful to keep things on a level that didn't hurt anyones. If I saw that someone was falling for me and the feeling was mutual...I took care of it.
I guess I'm not normal. I guess I am a rare type of woman who doesn't like fooling with men's and women's emotions and playing head games. But then again...I am just like all of the others. I want what I want and only what I want in the end.

I hope someone hasn't hurt you. I will kick her ass. You just say the word sweetie...I'm there...


Always The Bitch

nightstalker172 36M
1258 posts
9/25/2005 10:03 pm

well Goddess I would love to have a partner who was my best friend and lover at the same time..You are very lucky indeed. But I guess perhaps I should have worded it better. See the girl that hurt me and yes she did was already my friend..for about 5 years I was attracted to her the first time I saw her but I didnt do anything at the time because it was highschool and I felt that she was alittle young for me she was 15 I was 18. I got to know her alot better over the years Her family and ours have become pretty good friends...I guess I kinda fell for her unknowningly and when I confessed how I felt she rejected me...which In my mind was a bad Idea at the time but I just couldnt help myself lol...if I could go back in time I would kick myself in the ass just before so I could stop myself lol...anyway if you are interested in knowing more simply read my past posts in my blog you will know all then. Anyway after she rejected me and gave me the friends speech. She began to alienate me...everytime she was around me all she did was talk about dateing other guys. It was like she was doing it on purpose just to mess with me...She pretty much avoids me altogether which made me sad as well...and then she moves away with not a word...and then moves back and doesnt bother to say anything to me...but of course she does to the rest of my family...funny how that works...I had enough when she took off to me that was the end of any friendship her and I had At least from my end. I look back and think that she never really liked me as a friend either and that she used me to feel better about herself or to have someone to cry to when things wherent so good..and like any real friend would be I was there. I guess perhaps not voiceing my attraction to her years ago may have been my mistake...but I was also still bitter about my ex at the time who also just ditched me because she was going to school...which is good for her but she wasnt nice about breaking up...but thats another story....

Anyway I was talking to rdy2try4 in private about being used and such and it reminded me of this girl...AGAIN....Im constantly reminded of her and it drive me nut because her mom and my mom have become really close friends...and this girl was also good friends with my mom and it just GRRRRR anyway if you want to know more read my past posts its in more detail there....Ill just keep typeing if I dont stop now LOL

And personaly I think you would be a cool friend to have and I do enjoy your blog should tell your husband hes a lucky man but Im sure he already know huh

spinmedown 49M
3626 posts
9/28/2005 4:21 pm

Looking back I can see where I ruined many wonderful friendships with wonderful ladies by trying to push the boundaries of friendship too far. I regret every one of them.

I don't know how it happened, but now I seem to just know which relationships can develop further and which can not.
I have invented a new category called, Friends With Flirting.

The progression that I have found to work is:
Friends > Friends With Flirting > Friends With Serious Flirting > Friends With Feelings > Relationships With Friends
This allows for a lot of testing and backpeddling if things don't work out, and I usually don't lose a good friend this way.

Love your friends. Sometimes it seems to me more that enemies last forever and friends come and go. I miss the ladies I was friends with more than the men, and women seem to make the most painful of enemies.

Well, I've used up my wisdom for the day, and my work here is done.

Most people are other people... FUCKING CHARACTER LIMIT!!! ~Oscar Wilde

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