Stick to it do it  

nightstalker172 36M
1646 posts
4/19/2006 2:07 pm

Last Read:
4/23/2006 3:38 am

Stick to it do it

I have been fighting a loseing war with myself the past few monthes. When I first started my campaign to rid myself of the ever so many extra pounds on me. I was pumped. You couldnt stop me. I had quit lifting weights for about 3 months during the holidays mostly up until January. I dont know why I stopped. I just looked at the weight and just didnt feel that it was doing me any good. I loved the pain, the soreness after a hard work out it felt good. During the 3 months I ended up gaining some weight back. I slipped off the wagon big time that I admit whole heartly that its my own fault. Now in Febuary I tried to start lifting again. But I again just didnt feel that excitment or energy boost that I once had. I lacked the heart to do it. I have still been trying to maintain my diet...If I eat fast food I try to get Subway (I know its not the best but its WAY better than a burger at mickeydees) I dont drink soda as much anymore...I admit when I went to the little store and saw they had BIG RED on the shelf again so I had to get me one its really hard to find at least around here...even though I had gone for some green tea (I like that lipton diet green tea with alittle bit of citrus in it everyone Ive told about it doesnt like it for some reason)

I know this shits bad for me but I eat/drink it anyway. Sometimes I just dont care. Its not that I couldnt stop myself if I truly desired to. I just lack the desire to. Being disiplined is 99% mental. My mental state has just not been up to snuff so to speak. I find myself very sad most of the time. (Yes SOME of it has to do with that WOMAN but shes not the cause of all of it)....I know what you're thinking...perhaps Im suffering from despression...There is no way in HELL Im ever getting a prescription for that crap...

I was reading this artical on obesesity in the US. There are people rallying to BAN junk food. That obesesity is a disease that is draining society by not being productive or some being disabled because they have gotten to that point. It makes me think in a way. How they have faught to ban cigarettes for years. When you look at it bad food kills more people BY FAR. They make it taste good and people get addicted to it like any other narcotic. I was reading about Trans fats and how they are basicaly man made chemicals simply to preserve the food for a longer shelf life....but what if there is something in it that makes it addicting. I mean phyiscally addicting to cause people to want to buy more and more or should I say NEED more. That would exsplain why there are so many FAT people (me included) in this country. Or in this world because lets face...everyone else says that americans are fat but honestly so are alot of people around the world so STFU.

Anyway back to me. I have tried to maintain my diet but with lacking to exercise...Not because I cant handle it but because I just lack the spark so to speak...Last week I decided to do my walking again...and yesterday I started weight training again...but I have to start over because I havent done it in awhile...but I admit I didnt give it 100%.....There is that quote from a movie Anger is more useful than despair as said in Terminator 3. but I dont even have the will to get angery. I have felt like a zombie so to speak..just carriing out tasks and then sitting down and eating every once and awhile. Hell I havent even been on here as much either...I cruise the blogs maybe take a peek at the advice lines but typically I dont spend enough time to make any comments or at least not that many...Hell even got into a debate with another member which was fine but I wasnt all there either...and I think it showed...

I have no idea why Im even writing this huge ass post...I guess Im bored and simply write what Im thinking...

Ironically as I type Serenity By Godsmack Just started playing. I could use some serenity about now.

damnit pics still dont post

gypsy1629 41F

4/19/2006 3:21 pm

Sure sounds like depression....but you do NOT need to take meds for it there are other ways of coping...I have done so almost totally med free for 5 years now (anxiety meds I do need, my biggest thing was getting my feelings out and in order for this I did need to see a counselor....I found a great psychotherapist....I also had to build up my self-esteem and self-confidence...this was no easy task and I have to work at it all the time...but hang in there...maybe the nicer the weather gets the better you will feel.


flagg134 36M
1582 posts
4/19/2006 3:27 pm

Well its good that your cognizant of the situation. Your intentions are there you just need the motivation to pull it off. I have the opposite problem I need to start working out with the intent of bulking up. I get like that myself when I start to exercise I get lazy for a little while and lose weight.

Try to get yourself a soundtrack to workout to your taste in music is good for that kind of thing. It will at least give you a rythym to lift to and keep your mind off of other stuff. If you really want to get back into shape you will just gotta keep yourself motivated afterword to stay that way.

You are right about the way foods are made I don't know if it is actually addicting. It sure does taste good and once you slip as with anything it generally leads to more and more. I wouldn't call it a need though it is just more convenient to live that way. People tend to take the easy way with everything so if the food is there they will eat it. Where healthy foods are not so readily available so people just don't think about it.


kissnlik 40F

4/19/2006 3:35 pm

I know exactly how you feel. I start a diet and I'm good for a few weeks, then one day I walk into the kitchen, hungry and exhausted and I'm done dieting. I also crave the fast food and get cranky when I can't have it. Maybe your right about some of those preservatives being addictive. It would explain a whole lot of the obesity in this country. Then again, a whole lot of us eat out of boredom and just plain habit. I don't really care about what I put into my mouth as long as it takes the hunger pang away. Hell, I'm not even hungry half of the!

NickRules999 39M
9462 posts
4/19/2006 4:21 pm

I too suffer from depression. For years, I've been on Prozac. I'm not sure if it helped. I haven't taken it for a while, but depression doesn't get me like it used to. It comes back now and then.

As far as that girl, well, you gave me some honest critism on one post, so I think I'll return the favour. I think you should try to forget about her and move on. The more you pine over her, the more you hurt, the more power she has over you. I know it's hard, but you can't live your life in her shadow. Take back your power. If it means alienating her, you might have to go that route. Coz the more you gripe about what she does, it makes you more her victim. Take back your power.

I went through something similar. It relates in a way. You might have already read this, but I think I'll throw out the links so other who see this know what I'm talking about: The Sherrie situation and The Sherrie situation-Looking back. This girl no longer has any power over me. I did hurt for her for a while, but I reminded myself of her own dishonesty, and the fact she'd been boning another guy. I realized that she and I would never be. And I am free of her.

Come into my realm! You aren't afraid...are you?

nightstalker172 36M
1258 posts
4/19/2006 7:04 pm

gypsy - Well I admit as a character flaw Im prone to brooding...and as far as going to a pyscotherpist or counseler I would never do that...simply because Im just not one to talk...but what works for some doesnt work for all...I find it nice to write about it though...whether it be on an open forum or privately.

Flagg - Have you ever seen a heroin addcit try to quit cold turkey. Their body has become so accustomed to heroin that its actaully a need in order to function normally. When they try to go cold turkey there is actaully a risk of death in some cases. This is what I ment by NEED...and in a way if you think about it if you dont eat you its partly true in a way but the main problem like you said is makeing the good choices. Most health advocates say that when you go to the supermarket simply shop on the outer part of the store. Stay away the the aisle because its nothing but junk food loaded with preservatives that are bad for you. The problem is who has time to prepare a healthy meal everyday. At any rate Sometimes I wish I was small with a high metabolism like yourself...its healthier in the long run at least in my opinion...

Kissnik - Me Im always hungry when I eat...the problem is as I become more active my appetite grows with it...but eating out of boredome Ive never really dont that...well not that much...I can recall a few times but mostly Im hungry too much of the time...

Nick - Well I do try to avoid her...If I do see her...The last time I saw her I was a bit cold...but sometimes she confuses me. I do simply want to wright her off and just another manipulative bitch but something in me says that wouldnt be right....and I dont know why....when it comes to women not liking me and giveing me the we can be friends speach I do tend to just walk away....but with her I cant seem to shake her out of my mind...She a like a damn tick imbeded in my mind and I cant burn her out. You are completely right about giveing her power and letting myself be her victim...When it comes to her I feel in limbo...cant say for sure that I hate her...cant say for sure that I like her...only that she bothers me....sigh....anyways...thanks for the advice.

nightstalker172 36M
1258 posts
4/20/2006 11:43 pm

Ohbaby - Well thank you for the vote of confidence....I know being bitter and sad doesnt help me....and trust me I share your loathing for cigarettes...I dont mind if people smoke but I will neve smoke never tried it and never wanted to...but good for you for quiting its not an easy habit to shake...Ive been tryign to get my mother to quit for YEARS and sometimes she comes close but then she gives in to temptation...But you're right I am sick and tired of my rut...I guess I feel lost and dont know which way to go so to speak....not just with the whole loseing weight thing but with alot of other things that loom over my shoulder...

Hippink 35F
4499 posts
4/22/2006 9:10 pm

I go through the exact same thing you do. I find elation and general happiness in my life make me eat better and have the will & energy to get more exercise. The rest of the time, I feel BLAH. It's easier to just curl up on the sofa with a bag of chips. I'm too tired after work to do anything. The only exercise I do get is what I absolutely have to do, like running for the bus before it takes off, and everything I do at work.

When I do get into an exercising routine, I feel amazing! It seems to take a blow to my self esteem or something like that to make me lose my steam. I stop exercising & start buying chocolate again. Unfortunately, it happens too easily. And the bursts of vigor come all too infrequently.

I thought about the antidepressants and appetite supressors... and quickly dismissed them as not being an option. I don't want to become dependent on something for any reason. I want to get myself out of my own rut, get my own will power to get my fat ass up off the sofa. I am getting a bit better, a tiny bit at a time. I find myself playing with my son a bit more. Working a little harder. Just baby steps.

I think that's a major factor... you have to take baby steps, improve a little at a time. If you expect too much of yourself at one time, work too hard to get into shape, you're setting yourself up for failure that will make it harder to want to try again. Reaching a semi-unconscious goal of just doing a little more, eating a little better will bring up the energy levels.

I've found it's working for me. Good luck to you!
Hippie XXX

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