My personal War with Fat  

nightstalker172 36M
1646 posts
11/6/2005 7:40 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

My personal War with Fat

Since my last post ended up being do long I decided to do two posts.

My story of being the fat kid. When I was younger I was chubby. I wasnt that obese I was just chubby. I really didnt start to gain serious weight until after 8th grade. I weighed about 230 at the start of 8th grade by the start of ninth grade I weighed 290. Factors for my weight gain. Well why do alot of fat people eat. Depression, pleasure, no self-control. All of those perhaps. Well I was trained as a child to finish everything on my plate. I was punished if I didnt. My dad said food wasnt cheap and shouldnt be wasted. So yes I was forced fed as a child. Im not placeing blaim on my father but he trained me to have habits like that. Dont get me wrong my father was never an abusive person except when it came to this he was very strict. Now couple that with extreme depression and you will get a gain of 60 pounds or more in a year.
Why was I depressed. Well my very first love who I had been with for alittle over a year (search my blog and you will find that story) and I was down. Very down like I had lost my arm or leg or some part of me that couldnt be fixed. By 9th grade I started football never played football but the thought of ramming people into the ground appealed to me. It was good threapy . by the end of my freshman year. I weighed 315.

Now 10th grade came around I had to stop playing football. Needless to say if I went into detail as to why I would need to make quite a few posts so I will say that my exstended family needed me and I had no time. I was working for my exstened family doing alot of physical work so that kept me busy. I decided to take up weight lifting around this time. So I joined the weight training class at my highschool. I had never lifted weights in my life. but Im also freakishly strong. I get those genetics from both side of the family my very first try I was able to bench 210. Now at 15 years old thats pretty damn good since Ive never trained before. Within 6 months I was benching my body weight of 315. Now lets fast forward to my senior year.. I had put on a few extra pounds of muscle. I weighed in at 325. My bench press was 365. My gains slowed down greatly after while instead of jumping 50 pounds every 3 months I was jumping 5-10 pounds which is normal. I injured my shoulder by falling off a ladder while handing my dad some 2x6 boards to make a roof (old style house) over a add on that we were makeing. I was pushing to get 380 before I left highschool but unfortunately that dream was never realized because of this injury. No lifting for 2 weeks. after the two weeks were up I was supposed to take to slow. Well guess what I didnt. I went right where I left off. I put 325 on the bench and started working out. POP! there went my shoulder. I was able to keep the weight from slamming on me but my spotter could not get it off me and I couldnt push it off me. So I held it while he went to get some more people. 3 guys it took to lift that weight off. Then I went to the nurses office. That was the last time I would ever get to lift weights for a long time.

Now also at the time I was still dealing with those family matter that I talked about earlier. They consumed alot of my time. I got behind in my school work. I needed 7 credits to graduate and that was IF I passed all my classes that year. So I went to summer school which gave me 3. Then I went to highschool completion at the community college. (that way I could get colleg credite AND highschool credit tee hee. And I wouldnt have to take another full semester and that shit hole highschool.) So anyway my plan seemed sound right until my highschool fucked me and wouldnt count the credits and said I had to get my diploma from the colleg. Now mind you my plan was to get it in three months not 3 years. I couldnt attend the classes at the college because again my family needed me so I didnt get it sorted out until 2001. In which the college said that I would need to take a WHOLE shit load of other classes in order to qualify for a diploma from them. which would cost me an extra $1000 dollars I DIDNT I got depressed because it seemed that no matter how hard I tried I just couldnt get anything to go well for me. I didnt want to do anything and I ened up going from 325 pounds to 380 within a year. So late 2002 comes around. I realized how smitten I was with a certain young lady whom has been the subject of many posts on this blog. She had become pregnant and her b/f ditched her. I had always had a thing for her. Well she was about 6 months pregnant when she was hospitalized with chicken pocks...yes chicken pocks...while paregnant at 21 years old. She also caught nymonia and had a very high fever. So she was a mess and at the time I couldnt visit her because I was sick too and I had to stay away from her while she was recovering. They thought that she might lose the baby or have to give birth to it because of her fever. But they didnt want to do that because of the chicken pocks. The baby being born that early would have a hard enough time surviving let alone catching chicken pocks from mom.

I decided to get my shit together I was getting no where feeling sorry for myself and gaining an insane amount of weight closeing in on 400 pounds. I decided to exercise. I really liked this girl and I wanted to be better for her. I also went and said fuck it to the school and got my G.E.D. $50 is all it cost me compared to $1000.
She gave birth to a health baby boy in feb 03 by march 03 I had gone down from 380 to 340 in a 6 month period. (You have to lose weight slowly otherwise you can put too much stress on your heart). I also had decided to let this girl know how I felt. She pretty much rejected me as you all know. I felt sad yes but it didnt stop me I decided to remain friends with her anyway and continue to lose weight perhaps she would like me more if I did. But with her constantly rubbing it in my face that she would rather date someone else anyone else other me it kind of hurt. Eventauly I saw her with someone else and thats pretty much when I quit for awhile. about 6 months. Gain all the weight I worked hard to lose back I was back to 380. Its amazing the effect one person can have on another isnt it. I was still walking every now and then but I didnt watch my diet at all I ate pretty much anything.

Finaly march 05 I decided I had enough. I was digusted with how WEAK i had become. I was angery. At myself for letting this happen. BY now me and this girl didnt talk much or see eachother much anymore. Havent seen her since last october 04. a couple months later she moved out of state but that. that was just more fuel on the fire. That just pissed me off even more It has made me train harder. Sometimes too hard. I have been exsperimenting with different workout routines to see which one I like. As far as My weight its gone down alittle but I havent really be consentrating on that Ive been consentrateing on how I shoudl be loseing it before I focus my full attention to it. I think of all the miss treatment I had in my life because of my weight and its pisses me off. Because its my fault. Its my fault that I wasnt strong enough to do something about it. I dont take crap from anyone or and I dont put up with it but it still bothered me I just didnt let it show. Now my anger pushes me to be better. And thats what Im doing. I want to be healthier, sexier, stronger and I will do what it takes to get there and stomp on whoever gets in my way. (figuretively speaking of course) My current weight is 354 just in case you were wondering its gone up and down because Ive been changeing around my diet and such seeing what foods I like that I can eat and what not so you have to exsperiment to find what works for you. As for my goal weight hmmm Im not sure really. According to my BMI I should weigh about 185-195. To be honest I weighed that when I was like 12 and I wasnt that fat back then. chubby but not fat. So If I had to make a guess I would say 230 should be my goal weight simply because I do have alot of muscle mass on me..even though it doesnt show threw that well but what can you do. So thats 124 pounds that need to get gone whew damn thats alot. But I never said I WASNT fat so there

bella_ 47F
4030 posts
11/6/2005 9:09 am

Dude...try Atkins...I live by it with a few minor alterations...and exercise...I promise you that you will become addicted to it. You can do it!!!

rm_saintlianna 45F
15466 posts
11/6/2005 9:13 am

I spent one miserable summer as a anonorexic/bulimic. I thought I was gonna die. I lost 50 pounds in a month and looked like a concentration camp survivor, its not worth it. I may not be perfect now but at least I can stand up without everything going all black. It sounds like you are doing it the right way, good luck and you are fine the way you are to me.

nightstalker172 36M
1258 posts
11/6/2005 10:34 am

Bella - although cutting carbs is a good idea...cutting them to the exstent that atkins wants you too is to me pretty unhealthy but men and women also have different dietary needs you ladies dont require as much food as us men because naturally our metabolisms are higher because we have more muscle mass (at least when looking at the majority I know there are exceptions). My goals are slightly different. I want to build muscle not just lose weight. Atkins diets does not give me enough carbs to do that. This is why I swear off that diet plan. but if its what you like to do and it matches your life style then great. Not that you need to diet from the looks of you but maintence is a never ending battle.

Saintlianna - While Im glad that you are ok with the way Iam...Im not and I wont be until Ive reached my goals. But I going at it smart and safely. I thank you for your support

bardicman 50M

11/6/2005 3:36 pm

Hell Night, If you get enough people to quit smoking then you will be one of the thinner ones in the world. I am gaining on you fast and I cannot seem to stop.

I am not dead yet

nightstalker172 36M
1258 posts
11/7/2005 8:10 am

well bardicman I think you have a long way to go before you catch up with me...and I wouldnt advise it either ...some people smoking does keep yo thin....didnt work for my family though

MissAnnThrope 56F
11488 posts
11/7/2005 3:52 pm

OK, what is your muscle mass? Based on your former profile pic, I never would have guessed you were over 300. Muscle weighs more than fat.

Dieting is hard. One of the tricks that worked when I was your age was drinking a glass of water before each meal. Not coffee, not soda, not milk. Water. It helps you eat less and also helps to cleanse the system.

Now, the BMI doesn't take into account bone structure or muscle mass. There are people who are all muscle who according to the BMI are obese. I can't believe people still go by that.

nightstalker172 36M
1258 posts
11/7/2005 4:45 pm

missanne - My BF% is about 35-40% that is my guess not exact as I dont have my own calipers. I wont be happy until Im down to 12-10%
So that makes my lean mass about 210-230 from 354
As far as water trust me its pretty much all I drink. I drink close to a gallon a day. I know the normal is 8-8oz servings but thats only if you arent active and Im active so..yea. I also drink tea. Its this diet tea it has no sugar or well anything really no calories no carbs nothing but some sodium for the flavoring but I drink it for the anti-toxicdants.
Yea that BMI rateing is bogus. They cant have a uniform chart that have to measure it by the individual person.
I know Ive lost muscle mass since my powerlifting days due to my injuries but Im working my way back up pretty quick.

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