Frayed Ends of Sanity  

nightstalker172 36M
1646 posts
10/27/2005 7:10 am

Last Read:
8/31/2006 4:41 am

Frayed Ends of Sanity


I am seriously loseing it here. To all who have read my blog and listened to my ramblings I thank you...and to all who have read them know about that stupid girl I keep talking about both in my blog AND in the advice lines every now and then. I again am asking you for advice....To those who wish to know read my past posts and you will see.

On to my questions -

1. Its been 1 year since Ive seen her or talked to her. Should I contact her? I Have been thinking about this for the past few months now and everytime I do I cant help but feel that its HER who should make an effort not me.

Or should I leave it alone?

2. If I did contact her should it be to

A - Tell her off for useing me and make it clear to her how much I despise her for what she did

B - Should I try to be nice and friendly?

Let me give you a short run down of how things happend...just the gist...

Met her in highschool. She introduced herself to me I had no idea who she was or realy even cared. When I met her I thought she was cute and wanted to ask her out but didnt because of my anger towards my ex at the time for ditching me the way she did. She moved out of state to go to a university which one she would not say but she wasnt nice about breaking up with me.

Anyway later I discovered that she was the sister of my nephew's best friend and my nephew is like a little brother to me. but anyway this is how my family and her family got to know eachother so well. After I was done with highschool I really didnt expect to see her again....She was a freshmen and I was a senior when we met. but then she would come over and visit with her mom just about every week or so give or take...Well over the years her and I became friends...I was always attracted to her but never went for her because at the time I guess I just wasnt ready. ok now fast foward a bit she gets pregnant...her bf leaves her the time she is 20 and im mind you I was there for her as a friend and I felt terrible for her. I finaly confessed how I really felt about her. At first she avoided me but then finaly came back and rejected me gave me the friends speech. When she did hang around with me all she did was talk about dateing other guys or wanting to etc and then shortly after that I see her with another guy. First thought in my mind was to kick the shit out of him..but I decided not to because she was there...the one thing I never wanted her to see was my "angry" side....she had a abusive drunk for a father and its just not something that I wanted to show infront of I walked away. She comes to visit and just seeing her made me so furious I had to leave the I went and lifted weights and I hit the weights hard...hurt my shoulder doing the military press...had to do 3 weeks of physical therapy. I came back after I hurt myself and she tried to speak to me but I was SO pissed off even my shoulder wasnt bothering me so much (not until the next day anyway)...well we dont speak or see eachother again after that until about a year later....I was gettin a haircut at my moms shop and she stopped by to visit my mom and she did this alot anyway but she wasnt expecting me. That look of dread on her face. course I was giveing a not so nice look either. I remainded polite to her though...and not even 5 minutes she goes into her routine about talking about other guys...I kept quite....I remained nice..after she left and I got home...I was fucking pissed again...hit the weights pretty injuries though...She claims to be my friend...yet shortly after I saw her last she moved out of state...didnt bother to say anything to me even...and even though we didnt speak much anymore I thought I atleast deserved a goodbye.

So shes gone and when I run into her mom when she visiting my mom all they talked about was she got a new job and how she met a guy and blah blah blah...THEN she decided to move back for some reason...dont ask me why I didnt bother to ask I didnt care...I was so pissed about her not even being a considerate friend and saying good bye....hell she even called my mom on her birthday to wish her happy birthday but not on mine...and shes supposed to be my friend?..The way I see it she was nice to me to USE me to feel better about herself and never actaully cared about me as a friend...thats how I feel anyway...she moved back and didnt bother to say hello to me....if shes still single or not I dont know I dont care. My beef isnt that she didnt want to go out with me its the fact that she didnt treat me that well as a friend and when I think back all she really did was play me for a fool and I didnt see it BECAUSE I really liked her. I feel like the only way to get this block out of my way is to confront her....but at the same time I just dont feel that I should waste my time with it.

sigh well thats the gist of it...sorry I got alittle heated when typing this and forgot to stop

So what should I do?...Im losing my mind here cant you tell

MissAnnThrope 56F
11488 posts
10/27/2005 9:16 am

Don't contact her. I'm wondering how she played you for a fool, or if that's how you feel, because you're so mad for her? Admit it, you're still into her.

But she considers you the perfect platonic male friend. There is nothing you can do about that. I would say she started to avoid you because she picked up your feelings. Such as, the look of dread when she saw you getting your hair cut. Then launching into talking about other guys. That was her roundabout way of saying, "don't get any ideas." I would venture to guess, that's why she didn't call you on your birthday either.

Just do your best to forget she exists. If you have to be around her, be civil, but not too friendly. Only if the opportunity arises should you talk to her about how you feel about things. Believe me, she doesn't even realize that she hurt you.

digdug41 49M

10/27/2005 12:58 pm

you know you should have kept it moving after the i just wanna be friends speech, fuck that on to the next chick dont sweat this
girl cuz you see she got you all open and for what. but you gotta also look at why you feel the way you do, its not her fault you fell for her especially after the friends speech as far as contacting her...for what? obviously she aint got nothing to say to you so what could you possibly have to say to her whattya gonna cry and ask why she did what she did dont set yourself up and I'm not trying to be mean or anything of the sort just dont be driven by your emotions cuz the punany can heal a heart or wound a soul and I've been on both ends dont set yourself up for that just leave it be

roaming the cyber streets of blogland

spinmedown 49M
3626 posts
10/27/2005 3:16 pm

I hate to abandon the past also. Nothing I hate worst than a missed opportunity. I tried to find something positive about your past interactions with her, something that might be worth bringing into the present, and I couldn't see anything like that in the story you just told. I think I've read all of your posts about her, and I dont remember anything good there either.

If the past still makes you feel that way in the present, how could it be possible to put those feelings behind you? Would you always mistrust her or resent the way she used you like a Band-aid and discarded you after she felt better.

I'd let her go for good. It doesn't sound like there is much to go back to. We've all been down this road before, and the only solution is to find a new path. JMHO

A girlfriend should drive you crazy, but a good kinda crazy.

Most people are other people... FUCKING CHARACTER LIMIT!!! ~Oscar Wilde

silverfoxrun 40M

10/27/2005 4:51 pm

move on dude. this chick's a bitch. inconsiderate. just chuck it up as an experience to learn from and what to stay away from, no matter how pretty the package. put it in a bucket and fuck it. thats what i say.

curious082385 31F
4925 posts
10/28/2005 3:36 am

First of all....hugs to you, babe.
Now for the advice...I say that you need to let her go. You told her of your feelings and she couldn't handle them. As much as that may hurt, you can't hold on to this negativity. It's not her fault that she dosen't feel the same, although she did handle the situation badly.
The way that you handled it, however, is cause to be proud of yourself. It takes courage to tell a friend that you want more then just a friendship. And even after her immature behavior, you were still aware of her fears from her father and kept control of your anger (not an easy task, i know).
You deserve better then her...someone who will leap with joy into your arms when you tell her your feelings. Take this as a learning experience, move on and find someone who will make you happy, not angry and hurt.

nightstalker172 36M
1258 posts
10/28/2005 12:38 pm

missann - Ok how can I exsplain this to you so that you understand. Ok friends for 5 years give or take a few months. For the most part things between her and I were pretty good. I make it known that I like her...she avoids me for awhile and then confronts me giveing me the friends speech. We dont talk for a little while. and then we meet again. Things seem ok still friends. I am hurt that she didnt like me but I valued her friendship anyway AT THE TIME. she then starts making a habit (OUT OF NO WHERE MIND YOU) of talking about dateing other guys and doing so only (ONLY) when Im around. For the most part this hurts me alittle more. I feel like shes kicking me when Im down and thats not what a "friend" would do RIGHT!!!so then I see her with someone else. I did NOT get mad or let on that anything was wrong BUT It hurt me alot more and when I did see her again I was pretty upset but I didnt say anything because it wasnt my place but I was rude to her alittle because I was upset. I do about a years worth of contemplating about how things were between her and I. most of the time she was around me all she did was complain about her b/fs or her family. I was her "friend" so I listened all those years and was a friend to her. Last time I saw her she does the same routine with the talking about other guys. Now mind you I have hardly said a word to her. I never really even went near her I understood that she didnt like me and yes I was hurt but she had no right to kick me when I was down. Again I said nothing. eventaully she moved out of state. She didnt even bother to tell me or say goodbye to me. Honestly a "FRIEND" I think would care enough to atleast say goodbye especailly when she knew I was fond of her. I wouldnt have wanted to see her go but I wouldnt have tried to stop her either. In my mind that was the end of our so called "friendship" I look back on the past and feel used because she was never a friend back. I was her emotional pillar or therapist for all her problems and when it didnt do her any good to USE me anymore I was pretty much left and forgotten. I dont know about you but I dont treat my friends that way. I thought she might come visit me when I heard she was comeing back. NOPE she didnt do that either and shes been back oh since july sometime. So please...explain to me where I havent been tolerant, or even someone I dont feel ever deserved anything from me. Please exsplain to me why I shouldnt be even MORE furious than I am now. My feelings towards her are rather chaotic...If I had to pick a side...I would say I despise her and want revenge vs being mad because she doesnt like me...Now the platonic male friendship BS well Im not going to comment here on that...I think I will dedicate a WHOLE new post to that in the future sometime.

digdug - I understand where you are coming from...I guess I feel like she took something from me...and I want it back...I dont beg...but I also want her to know what I think of her...after the way shes treated me. I guess thats why Ive thought about contacting vent so to speak...and tear her down a few notches...

Spin - chooseing a new path would be nice...I have been trying but to no avail...most of the women I meet I just end up not liking after alittle bit of talking...

silver - Im not into buckets sorry I needed to make some humor damnit...Sometimes I do wish I was cold enough to just use another woman to fuck and leave to get other someone hurting me but Im not like that...its just not me....

curious - I dont know you at all but I have to say I think your post spoke best to me...thank you.

So far people think I should just leave it be...and maybe I will...but I dont think I can handle being nice to her anymore...I really dont...I think I'll end up telling her where to stick it her leaveing without a goodbye was the last straw for me...thanks all for reading.

MissAnnThrope 56F
11488 posts
10/29/2005 2:47 am

The fact you do drift towards hate and wanting revenge does tell me you're still into her. The platonic friends thing isn't bullshit. Guys go out of their way to be friends to women who they're into, even if they admit feelings, they do the big brother thing, sit around listening to them talk about other guys, telling these girls that they deserve better, all the while hoping the chick will notice them. All she sees is someone she can dump on and by being around her, these guys who are in the friends zone end up torturing themselves. Sound familiar?

Forget she exists. Only tell her off if she calls and you answer the phone. Treat her like a non-entity, lest she decide to repeat the pattern.

nightstalker172 36M
1258 posts
10/29/2005 7:18 am

missann - ..I..Um...I hmm...I just...GRRRRR ...I made a post about the Platonic friends thing its still waiting to be approved so I wont comment on that...I also exsplain the whole friends thing...I did what I felt was right and honorable by being kind to her...I never showed any sexual interest for GOD ONLY KNOWS WHAT REASON..because I cant think of any...I just...didnt...which is unlike me...I flirt with almost everyone ...but she was the one that I really bonded with...that I could relate to better than most people or at least it seemed that way...I was tired of being stuck with bitches for g/fs..I thought maybe being friends first would be better..that way I wouldnt be so attached and I could see how they are as a person...(to anyone reading that DONT DO THAT EVER ITS NOT A GOOD IDEA)I mean seem like a sound plan right...but NO its not...As far as me being "into her" brings back the old saying of there being a thin line between love and hate...the way things are right now...I think that if tomorrow she came up to me and ask me out...I would probable tell her to go ..twice for good measure...or you could say that yes Id love to be "into her" as in Id love to put my boot into her as she goes out the door....yea thats pretty much it. forgetting she exsists would be nice if I didnt have reminders all the time....I mean...shit theres this bench I used to walk by that has her first name printed on it....I used to spit at it whenever I walked by. Eventaully I changed my route so I wouldnt have to look at it....GRRRRR I think Ima go for a walk..yea..

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