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How To Be A Real Man
How To Be A Real Man
1. Don't call, ever.
2. Name your penis. Be sure it is something narcissistic and
unoriginal, like "Spike."
3. Play with yourself. Talk about it.
4. You are a man. Remember, no matter what, it isn't your fault.
6. Never ask for help. Even if you really need it, don't ask. People
will think you have no penis.
7. Women like it when you ignore them. It arouses them.
8. If, God forbid, you have to talk to a girl on the phone, use only
monosyllabic words and noises. Bodily noises are permissible.
10. Everyone finds a man more attractive if he can write his name
11. Say things like "Wha...?"
12. Deny everything. Everything.
13. Don't have a clue.
14. If you don't get sex whenever you want, your balls will shrivel.
Enforce this rule at all times.
15. Tell this to your girl before you have sex, "Don't worry. If you
don't have an orgasm, you won't get pregnant."
16. Life is one big competition. If someone is better than you at
anything, either pretend it's not true or kick some ass.
18. Do NOT make decisions about relationships. If you are backed
into a corner and must make a decision, stall. If you still must come
up with an answer, leave yourself a loophole for escape. For
example: Question: "Honey, will you take me out for a romantic
dinner?" Answer: "Yes, if you can guess how many sperm I
19. At any given opportunity, point out how things look like genitalia.
20. Play with your food only if you are in a public place with people
you don't know.
21. Play with your penis only if you are in a public place with people
you don't know.
22. You are NOT a virgin, ever. Males are born without virginity.
23. Females do not care what you do to them as long as they get to
24. Basic fundamental rule of dating: Quantity, not quality.
25. Basic fundamental rule of sex: Quantity IS quality.
27. Crying is not manly. Then again, if you are a man, what do you
have to cry about anyway?
28. Women are your napkins. Use them and then throw them away.
29. Remember, every virgin girl is saving herself for YOU.
30. If your women makes you go shopping with her, drive around until
a parking spot right near the door opens up. If this takes hours,
so be it. You will have the coveted "Door Spot" and other will
31. If you're on a date and there is a lull in the conversation, tell the
girl how many dorms you have been laid in.
32. When you tell a girl about your past, it's good to say, "God, I was
such a pimp back then."
33. Here's a good trick. Tell a girl that you're going to leave and when
you come back you want her naked and sprawled out on the bed.
Leave and go into her dad's room and tell him he should go check
on his daughter. Then drive like hell.
34. The best sex position is you, lying face up... and twenty girls
35. Practice your blank stare.
36. If you're ever forced to show emotion, just pick a random
emotion, like rage, lust and insanity, and display them at random,
inconvenient times. You won't be asked to do it again.
37. If you are asked to do something you REALLY don't want to do,
first try your manly best to get out of it. If that doesn't work, go
ahead and do what you were asked to do, but complain that you
don't know how to do it and continuously ask questions on how to
do each little part. If no one rushes in to do it for you yet, finish the
job in the most half-assed way you possibly can and then say
"See???? I told you I couldn't do it." Eventually people will stop
asking you to do things.
38. Do not listen to "pussy music" like Color Me Badd or the oldies.
39. Scratch your balls. See if you can embarrass people.
6/13/2006 2:03 am
Oh my nighthawk...this should get you a few...umm...interesting responses ....*giggles*|
6/20/2006 7:55 pm
ty shy i was hoping to wake a few up get some reaction|
7/10/2006 10:33 am
wow thats all i can say|