The Difference between lifestylers and others....a humble viewpoint  

nightguy1961 55M
3324 posts
10/2/2005 9:27 pm

Last Read:
5/31/2006 11:01 pm

The Difference between lifestylers and others....a humble viewpoint


I read several blogs on this site. One blogger who has a great blog is frogger1995. I commented to one of her posts I Knew Los Angeles Wouldn saying 'I hoped the guy didn't call himself a real Dom'.

She was kind to respond to me, both in email and on her blog page, but I still think we are not on the same wavelength. So here is my humble attempt to clarify.

Speaking as a Dominant male, I have to get to know everything about a submissive before anything can get going in a scene. I have to know what she likes, what she's interested in trying, and what areas are STRICTLY OFF LIMITS. I have to be compassionate, respectful, imaginative, and sensitive to my partners needs. I have to be compassionate to my submissive...to the point of be almost overprotective. I have to respect her limitations and restrictions. I have to be imaginative to keep my partner coming back for more. And I have to be sensitive to my submissive's emotional and physical changes during play.

There are some subs who get all excited with the thought of knife play...ie, having their clothes cut from their bodies. But I know one submissive female who is absolutely terrified of knives. There is no way whatsoever I would even bring a knife into play with her. That is her hard limit and I must respect that.

Now, in the play that frogger1995 spoke of, I was concerned about her experience with anal play. I have seen and heard of too many disasters in this area alone.

If a guy talks his lady into anal sex, and she starts to fell discomfort or pain, usually the guy will say one of the following:

"Oh, just relax....."
Everybody else does it...why can't you?"
"If I stop now, you'll never try it again"

Or my favorite:
"Well I went down on you...why can't you do this for me?!?!"

The worst thing is the guy says nothing but pushes in harder, like Patton through France. Results: physical pain/damage, hurt feelings, a shaky relationship, and more than likely a lady who is not willing to try anything new.

Now, if a Dominant male...a TRUE Dominant male...were attempting anal sex and the lady says stop, guess what happens?

HE FREAKIN' STOPS!!!!!!! Period, no questions, no excuses.

He will hold his submissive close, reassuring her, making sure she is okay. Results: no harm, trust and respect is reinforced, a relationship is strengthened, and the submissive is willing to try again later because she now trusts the Dom.

I realize that the above is very simplistic. I could have gone into greater detail about safe words, negotiations, and more, but I didn't want to write a book. Just wanted to try and state my side clearly for those interested.

With respect to A/all.....NG, signing out 'til next time.

frogger1995 39F

10/3/2005 5:08 am

OK, I think I understand a little better...but I guess I view it differently. I explain to every guy I am with my HARD LINE limitations (I wrote a post on it called Limits and Deal Breakers). There are things I ABSOLUTELY do not want to happen and things I am simply not into, but willing to do if he is. Part of the fun is giving into something you might not want to.

That said, I have always had a safety word with those whom I play submissive to. Thus ANYTHING goes (outside of my previous stated objections) until I say the word. I like it better this way because I usually find out things that I am into that I thought I would never be into (like anal). No offense, but your version sounds a little vanilla...but maybe I am missing something.


bella_ 47F
4030 posts
10/5/2005 5:33 pm

Great post...a different perspective..I think we needed this.


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