history lesson  

nietchze 43M
195 posts
8/18/2005 10:05 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

history lesson

When I was in my late teens early twenties I was, by any standard, a bad person. I lied, stole, did drugs, sold them, hurt people, blah blah blah.

Right before I went to the brig ( this happened during military service btw) I had what most junkies call a moment of clarity. For a few minutes I was able to actually completely and totally look at myself and my life objectively. And suffice to say I didn't like what I saw. I remember that feeling today and strive to never repeat those mistakes, and in some way atone for them.

For the last ten years I have tried, BELIEVE me I have tried, to be a good person. A righteous person. I just want people to be happy, to laugh. Instead I'm the proverbial bull in a china shop. This isn't about blame anymore. When I was younger the things I did were just wrong, morally and legally. Now despite my sincerest attempts to the contrary I still hurt people. Again this isn't about blame, it's no one's fault. I mean you can't blame the bull for breaking the priceless dinnerware. He's just a bull, he's big, stupid and clumsy. No matter how carefully he tries, he's gonna break stuff. Not the bull's fault. Certainly isn't the china's fault.

Who let the fucking bull in here anyway's?

Philosophy_N_Sex 49M/47F

8/18/2005 10:47 am

well now that you know yo uare the bull, what do you do to not break china?
not goto the china shop

goto a china shop big enoguh for bulls

lean to be a smaller bull

good post!

justsayhi2005 51F

8/18/2005 1:55 pm

wha happened??

rm_Kenyan012 47
3 posts
8/20/2005 2:02 am

You're being way to hard on yourself my brother. You make people laugh. You make the room a better and more enjoyable place in when you're there. Just the truth....

pseudohippie 49F

8/20/2005 10:38 am

You've analyzed this to the point where logic has become illogical. You aren't seeing the forest beyond the trees.

Each of these people has posted essentially the same response. But the forest of these posts/trees is this: what you describe is inevitable...it's a situation true of all of us...part of the human condition...

Bottom line: you can't live without taking risks, and you can't be alive without living.

rm_autumngirl61 55F
741 posts
8/24/2005 10:02 pm

nietchze, you did? Well, you can't change the past, but you already do better now. You are doing just fine in the chatroom, btw. People have to realize themselves as they grow older. That's all.

daisydukes242 38F

9/19/2005 8:47 pm

I never saw the bull. If he came out, sometimes the china is just sitting in the wrong place when the bull comes dashing through. You are correct...this is not the bull's fault or the china's fault. Sometimes tight spaces cause broken china...even if it weren't a bull in the china shop. And just a good, righteous person that wants people to be happy. However, the bull should understand that the china can more times than not be glued back together.

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