The list.  

nietchze 43M
195 posts
10/27/2005 3:27 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

The list.

So today I'm reading this article about the Top 10 inventions of the last 100 years. In addition to the sheer stupidity of their answers seeing as how these dipshits rated the printing press ahead of ..oh say..penicillin and the polio vaccine which have only saved a few billion lives. And I'm sure they surveyed the cream of the crop for this ridiculous FHM/Maxim rip off, it got me thinking about what would be the top 10 worst inventions of the last 100 years.

My brother and I discussed this and decided we must have some guidelines to go by. I mean let's face it, people have come up with some pretty stupid shit over the last 100 years, narrowing down to 10 without some kind of prequalifications could be a thesis for a doctorate. So we decided on these simple rules.

A- In the last one hundred years
B- Must be an ACTUAL invention, not a modification of a previous.Because let's face it, polka really sucks horse cock, but it's not really an invention. Just a bad tangent of European folk music.It's no wonder they hate us.
C- Must still exist

So, with that in's the list

10.Reality TV. This is a oxymoron if I have ever heard one. Anything that comes across the TV cannot be classified as "real", not even the fuggin news. By quantifying 20 idiots stuck on an island for a month, or 8 dysfunctional sociopaths in an apartment for a year or whatever, by classifying abnormal situations and abnormal people as "real"...we have successfully fucked up an entire generation. I swear if one more guy at work asks me to start an alliance against the southern tribe of cubicles I'm going to flip the fuck out.

9. Casual Friday's Letting people dress in clothes that aren't uncomfortable and expensive one day a week doesn't placate us. It merely reminds us how shitty it is to not be wearing then the other 4 days. If one day is fine, why not all of them? I'm tired of listening to some guy bitching about their fuggin Birkenstocks getting wet and mushy.

8. High School Guidance Counselors This reeks of some form of nepotism. Seriously who the fuck needs these guys. I'm 17 years old and some guy asks me what I want to be? I want to be a porn star what else?!?! I swear these guys need to go. I didn't' have a fucking learning disorder, I HAD A FUCKING HARD-ON!!! You try listening to some guy babbling about integers and the Spanish American war with boner that you've had since 3rd period. I don't your fucking Ridilin, I need that chick in the tight leather mini-skirt two seats over to blow me.

7. Cybersex My brother and I were torn on this one. He thinks it's good in as much as it keeps the fat-bodied bottom feeders in front of there computers, rather than going out and meeting other pork beasts and having smaller, stupider fat bodied babies. I think it's become a crutch for more than just the people at the shallow end of the gene pool.

6. The Paris Hilton Phenomenon. Notice this is about the inexplicable cult following she has developed, despite being stupid and not all that attractive, and not actually her. We decided a person isn't actually an invention. How this person is still alive is beyond me. Quite frankly I'm surprised she hasn't asphyxiated from being so fucking stupid she forgets to breath. Besides being dumb as a box of rocks, she's built like a 12 year old boy. So unless your Micheal Jackson I don't see what the big deal is. Hell as we all know, she isn't even a good fuckin lay. Who the fuck answers their cellphone with a dick still in them anyway?

"OOOooohh yeea...OOooOOOoo..right there...yea yea yea.. UUUuuOooo..I"M Goonna...I'm Guna..I'm Gonnaa CUuu... er wait can you hold on a minute? I have to take this"

Get over yourself already....

5. Anything movie with the words "Jerry Bruckheimer" somewhere in it.
I think this is self-explanatory, but for those of you unfamiliar with his work, and I hesitate to call it that, flaming piles of dog shit is a closer analogy. go rent Face/off, Coyote Ugly, and The Rock. If you were to take any of these movies and replace Jerry's name with say, Tim Burton, well you would have an instant classic. But instead they suck more dick than the entire crowd at a Village People's concert could in a year.

4. Spam mail.
If you have somehow made it to this blog and don't know how much this sucks, go back to your main page and read the 203472903790347 messages you have from chicks wanting you to watch their cam. Seriously, someone reading this creates this annoying crap. You are mine enemy. I swear on my mother's unfilled casket I will find you. You suck.

3. Karaoke
I refuse to even speak of this. I feel soiled simply saying it. I must go shower.

2. Tasty flavored liquors.
I should actually credit one of my personal heroes, Dennis Leary, for this. We've all had that bubble-gum schnapps experience. Young and inexperienced, we drink a whole bottle in 30 minutes thinking:

"Ehh...tastes like blueberries, how bad can it be?"

30 minutes later you're acting like Charles Manson on coke. I used to drink mixed drinks because you don't have to piss every 5 minutes like I do with beer, and women like to kiss guys who taste like raspberry banana. However this is outweighed by the fact that they don't like to kiss a guy covered in stomach bile and acting like a psychopath with a hard-on.

1. The Vibrator
Alright look it's our list so I don't want to hear any bitching. Look guys, we used to have it pretty good. Ever since these things hit the market we've been losing ground. Now all we do is stand around cock-blocking each other for the fat chick, watching the hot chicks make out with each other and going home to their BOB's (battery operated boyfriends) Seriously, I don't know about you guys by my junk doesn't oscillate at 1200 rpm's..probably never will. And not that I really blame the girls. I mean chicks are hot, guys well..not so much. BOB's don't fart in their sleep and belch at thanksgiving dinner with her parents. And more importantly than that, they don't take up a 3rd of the closet and half the bed, they fit pretty neatly in a drawer. Seriously guys, we have to do something about this. Either invent an implant to make our penises vibrate, or unlock the secret human genome that makes our shit spin or something. If we let these things go unchecked pretty soon we will all be nothing more than cattle to lift heavy objects and carry sperm. In fifty years all our male children will be working as slaves in sweatshop plants making battery's, coach purses and those faggoty pink rhinestone collars for toy dogs. Do you want your grandchildren to live their lives with barcode tattoos on their arms and shock collars around their necks?

pseudohippie 49F

10/27/2005 2:51 pm

at some of these things...they're my favorites!

justmevfc 41F
5 posts
10/27/2005 3:23 pm

although i personally must disagree with #1 ], you have a good point! great list....

JustSayHi2006 56F

10/27/2005 6:04 pm

"pretty soon we will all be nothing more than cattle to lift heavy objects"

you forgot reach the high stuff

MissAnnThrope 56F
11488 posts
10/28/2005 1:11 am

Um, son, who did they ask that thought the printing press was less than 100 years old? Gutenberg invented the printing press in the 1450s.

Well, as they got that wrong, I'll give you schapps. That's a liqueur more than 100 years old. Several hundred at least. Not a modern invention at all.

Now, as far as the future of men, we're always going to need someone to donate sperm, take out the garbage and kill the spiders. But barcode tattoos? Don't be silly. Shock collars? Only the male children. The girl children will have the controls.

rm_FreeLove999 46F
16127 posts
11/13/2005 12:20 am

LOL! i actually find that paris hilton thing interesting ... LOL! an airhead who does absolutely nothing except spend money on shit has a massive following, fills all our magazines, even in South Africa!!! Seriously speaks to the mindless dreams and desires of other human beings!

[blog freelove999]

rm_FreeLove999 46F
16127 posts
11/13/2005 12:21 am

er, do you have a problem with fat chicks?? we're human too, you know

[blog freelove999]

Become a member to create a blog