Who am I really?  

nickithompson69 46M
1 posts
4/26/2006 11:39 am

Last Read:
5/12/2006 7:32 pm

Who am I really?

Good question really, how can one know what he wants out of life when he doesn't know himself? I am constantly amazed at the number of people who always judge me by my hard exterior. I do have a softer more romantic side like most. For once I would love to drop all my barriers and safe guards and just be myself. The biggest problem is I have supressed myself so much I don't know that other half and I have to admit it scares me. Every time in the past I have opened up even slightly to people they have used that knowledge against me. Those are the worst cuts because you can't deny what you already admitted. To combat them I wear a protective suit that made me unfeeling and distant. I am tired of that shell, it protected me but at what price? Somedays I wish I could be as open as others and be so care free but it just isn't my nature. I really have to get to know someone before I can creep out of my armor and most times its to late. For me being here is a huge step. I can admit I crave the excitement of sex but I want it all. Sex has always been great but the before and after was always something to be enjoyed as well. For much to long I have waited in probably the vain hope I may patch things up. Where I had remained celibate for nearly two years while she made her decision, she had at least one if not more affairs. I am flesh and blood and require certain basic needs. No longer will I sit back but I have decided to throw myself head long into this and possibly have some much needed fun I denied myself. Physical strength I have, but what I need now is mental strength. Its time to move on and see whats over the horizon. I am not the same person I was but I have learned.

papyrina 50F
21133 posts
5/12/2006 1:22 pm

special hugs coming your way

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i'm here to stay

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