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Today was a grand day. . .
Today was a grand day. . .
Today was indeed a grand day.
I live alone, way out in the country near a rural area of maybe 200,000 people. As an artist, I work at home too. Not much need to visit the big city. Once, twice, maybe three times a week, I’ll travel the ten plus miles to sip at the hustle and bustle of civilization. Don’t usually find it satisfying.
Around my house, I have a workout track measuring about a fifth of a mile. Part is located in the weeds and wildflowers of acreage and the rest meanders among stately old growth trees and finely manicured grounds. Mostly, I don’t see any of it.
Usually, I walk at a fast clip. One-third of the time I jog. The air at 4,500 feet keeps me from doing more. As I approach the first anniversary of this altitude, I’ll get up to one-half. Most of the time, eight to ten laps are enough for me. Over time, that too will increase. That active time for the body and quiet time for the mind is a daily gift.
Quite often, I get to use my well-worn track two to three times a day. The late afternoons are the best. By then, the sun is down yet the sky is well lit by the sun sinking slowly behind nearby mountains. The stars have yet to peek thru the evening glow. As darkness moves around me, the sky hangs onto its glow for longer than I’d expect. Eventually, the stars poke thru and shine at me.
That’s my favorite time. I relax in a comfortable chair that allows me to fully recline. The chill of the night air is crisp. My hands snuggle into warm pockets. I watch the constellations magically appear. Occasionally, a shooting star tantalizes me.
My heart glows with satisfaction. Among this magnificence, I feel awesome power flush over me. I am a part of all that grandeur. My being is somehow revitalized. Amid all this, some say I ought to feel lonely. I have a difficult time explaining why that’s not possible.
Let me seek another way of saying it. Being alone is quite different from feeling lonely. Aloneness is about finding comfort in one’s own being. Some say it’s about self-soothing. I don’t really know what that means.
Being lonely is about needing something you don’t have. Some find dogs. Others think cats are good companions. Of course, I’ve had pets during my life. When I felt I was relying on their companionship as a substitute for something I was missing, I didn’t replace them when they passed on.
I remember relying on women for that hard to explain feeling that magically fills us up from feeling our inner loneliness. Even today, I remember feeling extreme pain when they went away. One day, I was the one who left. Suddenly, I knew what was missing.
Suddenly, I saw that inner hole I was allowing others to fill up for me—an emptiness that we seldom discuss, and of course, never with women. That was how I was taught. Well, there’s another of life’s lies that we must overcome.
I’ll be traveling out of town for a week. Hopefully, I’ll post again before I take this trip. If you’re reading my story of life, I’d appreciate a thoughtful comment.