The Moment  

newdawnfades2 42M
0 posts
4/20/2005 10:08 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

The Moment

Something just happened to me that really started my morning off on a good note. I was commuting into work, and I usually stop at Starbucks on my way in to get an espresso. There's this girl that works there that just has a great personality. I know that they train Starbucks employees to be chipper all the time, but she seems just a genuinely happy person. She has this incredible smile too.

Now I got kind of a weird relationship with the places I frequent. Usually I do alot of writing in coffee shops, so I like to be a little bit inconspicuous at the places I go. There's a certain mood I like to retain whenever I write, almost like a feeling of being disconnected from everything. It sort of keeps me from becoming too friendly with people that work at the establishment. I almost want to pretend like I am a stranger, going in for a cup of espresso on a rainy day.

You see, if you get too friendly with the staff you have to maintain this 'relationship' whenever you come in. With my job I work with people all day. People take alot out of me. They require my time and attention all day everyday. So being able to go to a place and kind of hide in the shadows is a very appealing thing to me. I love people, I couldn't work in a job where I don't deal with people. Because of this I need to take breaks from people, where there is no social obligation on my part.

Okay, getting back to this girl. I am sure this is quite the same with many people, but I usually can tell instantly when I have chemistry with someone. It's not even anything verbal. It's sort of when you run into someone and you have this physical way of behaving that sort of comes out of the both of you. So I have had my eye on this girl. I guess it's fair to say that, in the limited time I see her a couple days out of the week, that I 'like' her. But it doesn't take a lengthy process to figure out when I like someone.

Usually we exchange pleasantries. Sometimes she'll ask me how's my morning, the usual stuff. I usually discourage small talk though, but not because I am cold. It's simply the distance I try to keep. I have been told that I act kind of 'aloof', sort of hot and cold, and I can't say I disagree. So today I walk in and I see her, and she looks great, with her long hair in braids. She has her great smile working, and it kind of melts my defenses. I don't quite remember what we said to each other. I think she asked me how was I doing, and she commented about how she's losing her voice. But the conversation didn't matter. I looked into her eyes, she looked at me and kind of looked away, almost as if there was something there that she didn't want me to see. We had this moment, I don't know how to describe it in words. For some reason, maybe she was nervous, but she asked me how I was doing again. After I made my order I moved to the side to wait for my espresso. I couldn't even look up at her again, I was kind of scared to be honest to look into those eyes again.

So I got my espresso, got in my car to pull upstreet to find some parking. It's one of those moments when you feel like you missed an opportunity. You know, those movies when the guy misses his chance to tell the girl how he really feels, but he turns himself around at the last moment and catches up to the girl and spills his guts. I felt like this was something similar to that.

But this wasn't a movie, I didn't turn my car around, and I went into work like I usually do. What could I have said to her? I don't know what I should have said, but it was a beautiful moment. For some reason I don't think i'll have the courage to go in there for a while now, but when I do, I hope she'll be there behind the counter, smiling at me.

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