Close to decision  

nakedforurplsr 64M
9 posts
10/1/2005 1:14 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Close to decision

I have been off work for 2 weeks now because I have been so depressed about loosing everything that is dear to me. I've ruined my marriage, I've lost the one woman in my life that has stuck with me 30yrs through thick and thin and is still willing to stay with me if I can get this sex addiction out of my head. You see thats what she thinks my depression is, sex addiction! She has no idea that i've had an affair and fell in love with someone else. She has expressed that fact, that I deny, and she is pretty sure she knows who it was with. It keeps getting harder and harder to avoid the constant inqusision that i'm barraged with everyday about why its so hard to stop looking at this site. Plus the fact that I have an email address that she knows about that I access this site from. She doesn't know the password or my handle thank God.
I have got to make a decision. Do I stay with a woman whom I don't love, or do I throw 30yrs of marriage and everything its brought, happy and sad, away. This is all because I fell in love with another woman and can't get over her so I keep protecting her, and me, from my wife ever finding out about us. If my Xlover was standing by my side, I would leave in a heartbeat. But that is not the case, she was able to move on and block me out and is in a good relationship now with another man. Everyday, I am further from her mind. But she is constantly on my mind. Why couldn't it have just been sex? NO, I had to fall in love. How does that song go, Love Stinks.
Now i'm faced with starting over by myself again with everyone who knows me, family, friends, work, knowing that i'm a sex addict instead of the real truth that i'm in love with someone else. With, I might add, no possibillitys that I can see of ever getting together with my Xlover anyway. So you are reading something from an all out loser in the world of love. And believe it or not, this is the preference that sticks in my mind. Loose everything and I mean everything i've worked and lived for for 30+ years and go to zero.
I think its the bettor choice because she is going to find out about my affair sooner or later because she knows there was something between my Xlover and me, she just can't prove it. Its so hard to stay at home knowing that she could find more incrimmanating evidence everyday. The hurt and the lies continue. They need to stop.

areugame4 46M

10/1/2005 4:28 pm

I can loan you my Cork if needed.... I just popped open my bottle and have no need for the cork! I would leave you my number if you cared to call... but I think you already have it... I am perskepttive that way!

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