Are you a voyeur, a scammer, or a real person looking?  

n2yourfantasy 47M
6 posts
10/2/2005 10:25 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Are you a voyeur, a scammer, or a real person looking?


About 3 weeks ago, a conversation about attracting the opposite sex became a personal challenge from a close friend.

The Background:

The basic premise was that people have become shallow enough to only give those with material wealth, great looks, or a powerful job the chance to land the benefits of a hot companion. The premise is obviously based upon the things we see on TV everyday with the wealthy athletes, rock stars, and movie moguls getting the “good life” and sharing it with the beautiful people (namely women in my challenge). All the rest of us have it hard when trying to find the right girl.

The Alternative Perspective:

I totally disagree with this premise and to prove my point, took that challenge 3 weeks ago. First and foremost, this was a challenge from a lifelong friend who thinks I have it all–job (owning my own company), cars, house, travels, looks, etc.(you get the point). Although flattered by the compliment (which was not coming from a jealously standpoint), I stated the following:

EVERYONE HAS A TYPE THAT THEY LIKE AND THAT LIKES THEM. IT IS MORE A CONNECTION ON THOSE TYPES THAT MAKES PEOPLE CLICK. THIS IS EXACTLY WHY THE AdultFriendFinder SITE HAS A PERSONALITY MATCHING, ASTROLOGICAL MATCHING, PHYSICAL MATCHING, ETC. SYSTEM TO ALLOW YOU TO FIND THE TYPE MATCH FOR YOU. I ALSO BELIEVE THAT A PERSON’S PERSONALITY, CHARISMA, CHARM, WIT, AND INTELLECT PLAY A HIGHER ROLE IN THE SELECTION PROCESS THAN JUST THE MATERIAL OR PHYSICAL ATTRIBUTES. NOW YOU COULD ARGUE THAT THE MATERIAL GOODS COME AS A RESULT OF SOME OF THOSE ATTRIBUTES (WHICH IS TRUE), BUT THAT IS IRRELEVANT WHEN MEETING SOMEONE ONLINE. ONLINE, YOU MUST EITHER (A) LOOK DAMN GOOD IN YOUR PHOTO OR ( WRITE AN INTRIGUING HEADLINE, PROFILE, AND OTHER INFORMATION TO APPEAL TO YOUR TARGET AUDIENCE.

The Challenge:

With only a basic body picture (no face, endowment, or materialistic shots allowed) and an 8 week timeframe, I was to write a profile that would attract an equal level of talent (woman) that seems to be attracted to me in person. Being the optimist, I gladly accepted the challenge and began my adventure a few weeks ago.

The Strategy:

I first started this journey by looking at the popular people on this site (reading their profiles) and looking at blog postings and articles that received the most attention. My conclusion was that there are three distinct people that are on this site: (1) people that are not really revealing themselves (voyeurs living out an alternative personality than they are in their everyday life or people afraid to really find out what other may think or not think about themselves); (2) people that are completely into this and are unafraid to throw themselves into the mix and let life happen; and (3) not even worth mentioning, but those that are trying to get people to an alternate pay site.

It was very apparent, that the real people had invested time into their profiles, contributed to articles, and wrote thoughtful, playful, or provocative blogs that others could enjoy.

The Tactics:

I first started by writing a profile that was very sexual and downright dirty. This would bring out those women that were in the “pay for me” category and I could eliminate that type immediately.

To eliminate the next group, I would ask the “voyeur” types to describe what they were looking for or provide some type of information on themselves. This was perfect because erroneous responses would come back from those that were purely hiding and people that are not themselves are afraid when an email shows up asking something of them.

This left the final challenge to get the real people to step forward. This was not as easy as it sounds at face value because the real women on this site get an enormous level of emails, etc. and you really need to appeal to them in order to get a response. But, I must say after a few attempts, it was apparent. The real people on this site can read through all of the BS and determine a person’s motives rather quickly. First off, if you are emailing a person and don’t read their profile, then you don’t stand a chance. Second, if you don’t read into their profile and determine who they really are and what they are looking for (to the extent that they will allow), then you may get an initial response, but it will quickly fade and disappear.

The Summary:

In order to attract to real people, first be yourself–just as if you were meeting them in person (e.g. at a social function). Would you walk up to a gorgeous lady and unzip and say check this out? Would you walk up and whisper some dirty words into the ear of a hot lady you don’t even know? The answer is obvious for most of us–NO. So, don’t do that on here. Rather, the basic social skills that we all have still apply. First you must establish a connection (physical or intellectual) and then you need to determine the appropriate course to attract them. After all, what happened to the simple art of seduction, attraction, and thrill of the chase?

Perhaps the most thrilling of the entire lifecycle of establishing a relationship with someone (even if it is purely sexual) is the initial moments of attraction and playfulness that we exude when we are at the top of our game. The best moments are rarely when we take the other person for granted (knowing we already have them) and expect great things to happen. This is probably the fundamental reason why so many of the people on this site fall into the category of “voyeur.” Many are probably married or in a long term relationship that are unfulfilling. The reason why those relationship s are unfulfilling is that you have to re-establish those first moments when you were on top of your game and you wanted to do anything and everything possible to “land the deal” with that someone special. No, this is not a new age revelation, but is the fundamental position of my strategy–be aware of all of your surroundings and the signals presented (for this site that would be the written information and the hidden meaning behind the pictures people reveal). If you use that information in the context of meeting someone in person, this site and meeting those people is easy!

The Conclusion:

I could not have had more fun interacting with people on this site. While a few people are rude ( prejudicial, scammers, etc.), the majority of real people will respond, talk, and allow you to present yourself if you are real in return. I have made many cyber friends in a few weeks and have since shown the profiles to my friend who made the challenge. His response was astonishment and his remark was simple: “If people on this site REALLY knew your situation (personality, reputation, looks, intelligence, and material wealth), they would probably not approach you thinking your are unattainable!” I found the comment to be quite interesting when the challenge after all started as the fact that people only liked me for that very reason–material and physical.

The bottom line conclusion was that real people are easy to find when you are yourself and realize that all women wanted to be treated as special. That’s what makes the chase so much fun. As far as the sex side of the site, women also want it all–passion, romance, and yes, sometimes the raw energy of treating a night and them as a porn star.

Treat them like they should be treated and appeal to all areas–mind, body and soul–and you’ll have more fun here then you can handle. What a great experience this has been. I thank all of you who have responded.

Enjoy life and all my best!

Lotus247 43F

10/3/2005 6:37 am

I just read your blog and found it very intersting.

Your findings(not sure if I am using the correct term)made me feel sort of sad and happy simultaneously.

Sad in the fact of the amount of time people waste playing games, being afraid to be themselves, and scamming others. And also the amount of time spent wasting others time and energy with their games, cons and subsequent frailties.

Happy in the fact that someone else besdies me gets it. I was begining to feel like I was the only one, well maybe not the only one, but more vebal about these findings than others.

Those of us who are confident in themseleves, what they like, dislike and the courage to say and do so no matter what, I find especially attractive.

I have always been a firm believer that the "click", determines attraction. It isn't always all about the physical, material and occupational. I mean granted you cannot determine the intricasies of ones personality from across the room, but once you approach whether online or in a social setting you can tell within minutes, sometimes seconds (and I think we have all been there) whether or not you click, how well you click and more often than not the type of relationship you wish to have with this person, the next step if you will.

Thank you so much for your enlightening blog. I hope other garner from it what it seems you and I have known for quite some time.


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