|Blogs > mysticldesires > Into the Mystic|
Faced with conflict I recoil, until it has built to great proportions, fear and humility keep my mouth shut, but then.... I say all that is on my mind, all the hurts, and then I hurt, do I feel any better? No affirmatively, Like a leopard who waits until the night, and the only way of knowing she is there is when she attacks.
I pull together my army for the attack. Pushing limits. Trembling from the force of my own anger. Looking deep inside, at where it comes from. A door not so easily opened by just anyone. A no white flag attitude.
Then, overwhelmed with the emotions of it all like a mouse I return to my little place where I hide, four walls surrounding me. Remnants of me all around, my smells, my favorite things that comfort me and give me a piece of feeling grounded. It could be days before I tip toe out again, treading lightly.
Now reminiscing on the way he used to watch me, hold, me, comfort me, bringing me to my knees. When I hurt he made me smile. Describing to me every detail of how I slept the night before as you watched me lay in slumber never able to take in enough of me. Knowing more about me than I know myself. Everything seeming to fit just the way it should be. Then one day the lonely nights that were over are back. Adoration from your kisses gone. My worled is collapsing around me again. Visions of getting old together gone. The love that couldn't be any better, gone! Fate reared its ugly head again the surreal of it all overwhelming. Too much to bear alone yet it is the only option and again I recoil back to the four walls that eventually engulfs me.