myepisode 54M
22 posts
4/20/2006 2:52 pm

Last Read:
4/20/2006 3:13 pm


Standing firm on this stony ground
The wind blows hard
Pulls these clothes around
I harbour all the same worries as most
The temptations to leave or to give up the ghost
I wrestle with an outlook on life
That shifts between darkness and shadowy light
I struggle with words for fear that they'll hear
But Orpheus sleeps on his back still dead to the world
Sunlight falls, my wings open wide
There's a beauty here I cannot deny
And bottles that tumble and crash on the stairs
Are just so many people I knew never cared
Down below on the wreck of the ship
Are a stronghold of pleasures I couldn't regret
But the baggage is swallowed up by the tide
As Orpheus keeps to his promise and stays by my side
Tell me, I've still a lot to learn
Understand, these fires never stop
Believe me, when this joke is tired of laughing
I will hear the promise of my Orpheus sing
Sleepers sleep as we row the boat
Just you, the weather, and I gave up hope
But all of the hurdles that fell in our laps
Were fuel for the fire and straw for our backs
Still the voices have stories to tell
Of the power struggles in heaven and hell
But we feel secure against such mighty dreams
As Orpheus sings of the promise tomorrow may bring
Tell me, I've still a lot to learn
Understand, these fires never stop
Please believe, when this joke is tired of laughing
I will hear the promise of my Orpheus sing

myepisode 54M

4/20/2006 3:13 pm

Saying perhaps is probably a substitute for the word sorry ... perhaps. Since I first met you a few weeks back - with neither an expectation nor a desire for anything but wit and discussion - so much has been changing for me in most everything that I do - a subtle flickering at first, now more like a pounding drip in the distance.

Still the immediacy of how we connected still amazes me, because I haven't met too many women with your unique combination of virtues and possibilities; in fact, the more I think about it, I would have to say you're one of a kind, if you could indulge the cliche
for a moment. In explaining all of this to you, please understand that I have been working things in my mind and came to this decision almost like a flash, knowing that it is the right thing to do, at least for now, while so much in my life is unsettled and open. The
future ... who knows? It may be foolish of me to dig into these details - perhaps - but I have always found you to be tempting, interesting and refreshing and my sense was that I should provide some clarity at this point of closure, without appearing insane or self-indulgent or terminally unique.

I left you a message earlier this afternoon on your voice mail, so by the time you get this you're probably wondering if I flipped a lid over non-sleep. But I arrived at some heavy conclusions early this evening after weighing all the things laid out before me. Last night's call just changed the map for me - in many many ways - because I know where it is leading and what it will do to my life, starting this weekend when I start playing for bigger fish in the pond. When I said "it's on!" to you, I wasn't speaking about your camera - it meant that the world just changed for me.

So what is this trying to say? I guess it's me walking into the distance and trying to simplify my life while all this turmoil is going on. I really don't know what is driving this - maybe it's intuition or an echo from old tapes playing in my head or just the absence of real answers or the need for solitude. But make no mistake about it, there are some mixed emotions thrown in here, too .. big time .. but the desire for simplicity is taking over.

Wowza, I guess I've said enough - we all have secret boxes of memories that we keep and unexpected treasures that we revisit in our minds, just because it brings a needed smile to our faces and the feeling it delivers. For me, you fulfill both ends of that spectrum and it's hard to step aside, even for a little while.


I wish you nothing but the best and I hope you find your destination in life ... you're a
remarkable woman and I wish you much happiness in the future.

Thank you so much for all the fun and laughs and the chance at getting to know you. It was a real privilege and highly engaging to meet someone with real depth and complexity without being dramatic or self absorbed. Maybe someday .. we'll meet again in for a small getaway in that special place.

It now burns bright in my mind.

May 24, 2005

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