Moon and Back Again  

myepisode 54M
22 posts
4/20/2006 12:33 pm

Last Read:
4/20/2006 9:24 pm

Moon and Back Again

Once upon a time the universe was filled with symmetry. It will always be so. I then asked myself whether a perfect woman could exist in this very manner, as we are all a reflection of the heavens around us, so after considering that the entire universe and all its evolving matter has a perfect opposite - anti-matter, and that all phenomenons that occur have an opposite - this seems to provide a very strong case that,in fact, we all have a perfect match.

I could go on for hours about mine. She emerged as the love and savior of my life and will always be my true evidence that we all have another half out there wishing us to be whole. Just when I had given up on sharing myself again she came into my life and changed everything. She changed me - changed me without having ever tried to do that.

To me she is perfect, not because she is perfection, but because she perfectly complements my personality in every way. When I am sad she make me happy, when she is sad I make her happy, when I am insecure or stressed she helps me become stronger and visa versa … the list is endless. So how did it all begin, amazingly enough, it wasn’t chat at fist sight … more of a hypnotic aura that lured me in but without control or an edge of selfish expectations. It was strange and yet amazing, it was a new and overwhelming feeling of instant intimacy, pulling down all the shades of past relationships gone wrong ... it was clearly mutual because neither of us arrived with expectations or even a hint of seeking love. It was a feeling that has changed the way I make decisions for the rest of my life. We were no longer alone, but linked as an inseparable team that could never lose as long as we remained open and shared our world together…it was the beginning yet felt so revived ... like we had done this before and were going to do again.

If you had to quantify it or measure the intensity .. it was the moon and back again.

Everything I do includes a whisper from her across the back of my neck, whether its working, creating, walking, sleeping … she is always there. Thoughts of a world without her could not exist because the possibility seems impossible … if I could allow my imagination to consider for just a second that I could suvive the consequences of alone - in that alone was once my distant playground and constant reminder of sanctuary for the soul - it would mean that I had lost her, along with the better parts of myself because it would deflate me into a lesser version of the person I could be. In a way, she had probably saved me from my self being and subconscious tactics that insulated me in years of tireless solitude and self-deception, thinking that having a life of singular purpose could be termed a form of creative solitude, as if it could described as something so deep and spiritual to give my fears an energized hiding place, feeding the barriers and electrofying and path to the inside.

As I write this I seem more in touch with the moon, across the other side of the darkness from her, missing her, waiting patiently to be reunited, but feeling lost and alone, knowing that she will always be there in memory at least, waiting for a return that never materializes because I know what I had and what I will regret when my last beat echoes away. Even as I mention this it seems so much softer now and beats away to a second's pitch and a universe growing colder.

Then I allow myself to consider what kind of person would become an angel and if I could nominate just one - it would be her, whose heart is kind and pure and surpassed even her physical beauty in a distance that could be termed "moon and back again" - always considerate and forever sharing, raw and passionate, young at heart, wrapped by an intelligence that she minimizes if only to let her heart take first place. My passion and love for her is so deep that I would sacrifice my soul to save hers, rather than roam the earth as one of strength and never knowing his other half or failing to recognize that we are not things to sharpen or beings that can live too long with regret ... I felt the power of selflessness and expanse of love that only two can develop over time.

She was my moon and back again.


imLadyBambi 58M/50F

4/20/2006 1:08 pm

That was a very Romantic blog.

Most men can not express their emotions that well.You are exceptional.

Any woman whom snags you has a very sincere man.Shes so lucky, and I hope she realizes that.

Lady Bambi


myepisode 54M

4/20/2006 1:16 pm

need some advice ... pls help

I tell her I love her and it seems she thinks I don't want her.
She wants the truth, I give it to her - then she says she can forgive if I was honest.
She says I never loved her -- all i do is think of her.

I am not a loser, I could have almost any woman I want ... what the fuck am I doing wrong except failing to give up trying?

Help!


myepisode 54M

4/20/2006 1:30 pm

Wow, she found the blog ... happy she did, but also filled with regret.
I take the blame, and I surrender.

Love you, baby.
Always will.


myepisode 54M

4/20/2006 1:43 pm

Anonymous reply - sent to regular e-mail.

Unfortunately, when you get involved with a married woman, what you deserve never reveals itself. You have to realize that you have no hold on a married woman. Her family will always come first. My best advice would be to nurse your heartache as best you can, then get out and find someone who is actually able to make you happy. Do not believe a married woman is going to do anything, except leave you disappointed and heartbroken. True, there are some women that do not fit that generalization, but as a safety measure for your heart, you would be best to follow that advice like it's the golden rule.

Keep hope alive, sexy! Her loss is beyond imagination and you know I know it!
E.


myepisode 54M

4/20/2006 2:08 pm

    Quoting myepisode:
    Anonymous reply - sent to regular e-mail.

    Unfortunately, when you get involved with a married woman, what you deserve never reveals itself. You have to realize that you have no hold on a married woman. Her family will always come first. My best advice would be to nurse your heartache as best you can, then get out and find someone who is actually able to make you happy. Do not believe a married woman is going to do anything, except leave you disappointed and heartbroken. True, there are some women that do not fit that generalization, but as a safety measure for your heart, you would be best to follow that advice like it's the golden rule.

    Keep hope alive, sexy! Her loss is beyond imagination and you know I know it!
    E.

A little more background so you dont think the worst. Thanks for the emails rather than posting here.

1> never asked for this to happen
2> it's real between us
3> the right people know about it
4> i lost her anyhow, outcomes are what we deserve in life I suppose


myepisode 54M

4/20/2006 7:46 pm

    Quoting myepisode:
    Wow, she found the blog ... happy she did, but also filled with regret.
    I take the blame, and I surrender.

    Love you, baby.
    Always will.
Yes, she called me finally - many times - not because she loves me, but because she needs to cover her ass, and while I will never mention her by name because she deserves privacy, she secretly harbors such rage over a terrible marriage that she is worried that I revealed she was married!

That is like tasting shrimp when you know you are allergic to all seafood.

But I can't do a thing but love her - even though she is filled with rage and made so many bad decisions and settled on most everything! The heart accepts what the heart needs to accept to endure.


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