Why does God hate me?  

my_brkn_heart 55F
283 posts
3/27/2006 2:33 pm

Last Read:
4/24/2006 12:39 pm

Why does God hate me?

I swear, it seems like every time I start to get a little...teeny bit ahead,
feeling just a bit better about myself, my life, my future..."WHAM" the bottom falls out...again.

I started feeling a little sick about a week ago, feverish, chills...vomiting
I noticed some tenderness around my left breast...then all out pain.
The pain became very intense and then I noticed a lump, then two..small, but there nonetheless.

I consulted a doc in the box, you know the immediate care guys? By this time I was so sore I couldn't even touch them!

The doc referred me to the emergency room...for some immediate care and "tests"...this was supposed to happen on Friday 3/24...


Before I even had a chance to check myself in, after worrying and stressing over several days...about...what if...



No shit, they fired me, no job, no warning, no nothing!
I had no idea it was coming.
I pretty much live paycheck to paycheck...you know, a little on the side but not like I am prepared...after all, I was just starting over...now I am starting over...over

...I blew off the hospital, opted for a hotel room and a few Valiums along with the old faithful Kettle one and OJ...

...yeah, yeah...I know...

Pretty much drank the weekend away, never even saw the light of day until Sunday morning...the light hurt my eyes by then...

Time to stop feeling sorry for myself...
Picked myself up...not like anyone else would do it for me...brushed myself off...

…went to the hospital...they numbed me and knocked me out...removed my piercings...(bummer)
the doctors took a needle biopsy of the tissue from the lumps...what are the chances that is going to be good news!?

What's the old saying..."If it wasn't for bad luck..." blah, blah, blah...

…filing for unemployment as I look for a new job...

I suppose now would be a good time to decide what I really wanna be when I grow up...besides independently wealthy...

I just really wish God would let up on the smite button...just for a little while...where I am concerned...

...just a little weary, a lot scared...trying to stay hopeful...and really, really alone...

I could really use a hug...

Catdoc2000 56M

3/27/2006 11:34 pm

Damn dear! Well we can hope that it's just a belated reaction to the piercing. As for the job, I've been looking to change for a year now. The market IS getting better, but the pay is still down.... Try to stay as positve as possible.....

imaparrothead01 58M

3/29/2006 4:08 pm

Hi there my_brkn_hrt....the same thing happened to me about 2months ago...I was on a medical leave for depression & out of the blue got fired...why...because my boss could fire someone at any time without a reason...didn't matter that I was a good employee....it just happened....it hurt like hell....48yrs old & never been fired....I became more depressed & eventually things got better....it took me about 5wks to find a job & its a great job....I understand when you said "I wish God would let up on the smite button"...I just had to believe that He had a better job in store for me....and a better life....I hope & pray the same thing will happen to you....

spinmedown 49M
3626 posts
3/29/2006 5:37 pm

And crossing all my fingers for a change of luck!

Most people are other people... FUCKING CHARACTER LIMIT!!! ~Oscar Wilde

CopseAuralRunty 45M
700 posts
3/30/2006 9:49 am

I am so sorry to hear your news...huggs

Women Women everywhere and not a pussy to eat......

bardicman 50M

3/30/2006 6:07 pm


I am not dead yet

my_brkn_heart 55F
71 posts
4/1/2006 6:16 am

Thank you so much everyone!

Seems as though this may have been the best thing that could have happened!
I have quite a bit of experience now in my field. And a good record. I began emailing resumes online and filling out applications online...guess what? I was inundated with replies...looks like it will be up to ME to decide which offer to accept!! And the money will be a lot better than the place I was fired from!!! I should have done this earlier!!! YEA for me! Finally a bit of a break
Also...applied for unemployment...got the paperwork back from there. It looks like I will be getting only about $60 less per week than if I were working! Damn, I may just take a little time to enjoy "not" working!

Got the results from the biopsy...everything is ok there as well. The tissue was benign, probably just due to the infection. I suppose it was a dumb idea anyway. But I did like it, the way it felt and looked...but I won't do it again!

So...back to the job search Monday.

My spirits are up.

...a funny thing...my ex called the other day. He was telling me about his last few days from hell. Water heater broke...cold shower, work badge for parking garage didn't work...had to park on street, far away from office, while walking to office...poured down rain on him, later that day...car was towed! LMAO
Maybe God just dozed off with his elbow on the ol' smite button, he woke up in time to get the real victim of his wrath!!!!!!

Take care guys!

Hugs & Kisses

eroticfunforall 50M

4/3/2006 9:06 am

Glad that you have seen the good side of change and things are turning your way.

A great big HUG for you.


4/4/2006 10:00 am

This all sounds great for you. You have to remember... Don't let the high's get you too high, or the low's get you too low. You sound like you could use a friend to help you remember this. We all could use a friend. Talk to me.

rm_newcomers111 55M/57F
1 post
4/5/2006 9:14 am

Hi there, it sounds like you have had more then you share of bad luck but please don't give up on your self. We are here for you to try to cheer you up in ANY way we can.


indygoodbar76 40M

4/10/2006 12:56 pm

WOW, sounds like things are getting back to norm for you! Keeps you head up girl and stay strong! Always enjoy life, dance like no-one is looking and smile like you never thought you could!

backrubto69 60M

4/13/2006 8:27 pm

Tough times never last, tough people do. I believe that you can do it.

CopseAuralRunty 45M
700 posts
4/14/2006 7:47 am

I would love to talk more, give me a shout on Y!hoo if you want.

Women Women everywhere and not a pussy to eat......

loverman46825 51M
2 posts
4/15/2006 8:45 am

You are an incredible poet. Your sadness reaches into my soul. Taking a line off of "Pride & Prejudice".."you have bewitched me both body and soul"


rockstar3426 40M
1 post
4/22/2006 3:10 pm

some times we think things can't possibly get any worse and then they do.funny how that happens, isn't it? Just remember that every day above ground is a good day. There's something out there for you you just have to be patient. I myself am not much different than you.(my nipples have been pierced for years). My wife left me about a month ago for a black man, and it really hurt my pride but what can you do? You go online!!! I really envy the fact that you are able to share these things in your life with total strangers. I myself would rather keep my trials and tribulations to myself because they are embarassing and hurtful. But things will turn around for you just wait and see. They did for me. And I'm sure they will for you too.

rm_cpd574r 55M
1 post
4/23/2006 6:13 pm

Hope everything all works out for you. I have often found that what was a BAD thing at the time actually ended up being a very good thing. Sometimes the good lord just needs to give us a boot in the ass to push in the right direction.

plantmaster6969 53M
1 post
8/14/2007 8:18 pm

Words can't help your fear or pain,but this mans hugs you deffinately gain.So may you find you a job that will make your dreams come true,and always remember that there are people who care about you.If you ever need a friend your welcome to look me up.

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