What do I want?  

my_brkn_heart 55F
283 posts
1/28/2006 9:07 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

What do I want?

What do I want?

I want Tom Hanks in “You’ve got mail”
I want Harry Connick Jr. in “Hope Floats.”
I want a strong man,
one who can put his arms around me and make me sure that the world can’t harm me.
I want a romantic man, the kind who calls for no reason but to say he misses me.
I want the kind of guy who shows up in the middle of the night just to lie next to me, as if he knew I was awakened by bad dreams and he was there to save me.
I want the guy who knows what I am thinking, what I am about to say before I say it. The one who looks into my eyes and we laugh together because he knows, he just knows, we are thinking the very same thing.
I want the guy who puts the dogs in the crates, in the back of the car so we can go somewhere…anywhere and let the dogs run.
I want the guy who lights a fire in the fireplace, opens a bottle of wine and sits with me, just to talk and cuddle.
I want the guy who runs a bubble bath for the two of us and washes my hair for me.
I want the guy who gets me drunk and lets me sleep it off in his bathtub.
I want the guy who loves my legs.
I want the guy who wants me wherever the mood strikes him.
I want the guy who sends me jokes via email.
I want the guy who, when he looks at me I melt.
I want the guy who makes me dinner, all my favorite things.
I want the guy who sees me admiring something only to surprise me with it later.
I want the guy who can’t walk past me without having to touch me.
I want the guy who leaves notes on the mirror or on my car window.
I want the guy who smells clean all the time, the guy who wants me to rub him and run my fingers through his hair.
I want the guy who grabs the camera and takes me somewhere to shoot pictures.
I want the guy who knows the color of roses I like.
I want the guy who sees the same things I do.
I want the guy who loves dogs, all dogs.
I want the sexy, passionate lover...the guy who loves parachute flares and big fireworks.
I want the guy who sings to me...I want the guy who makes my heart skip a beat when he whispers in my ear...I want the guy who holds the back of my head as he kisses me passionately...I want the guy who gets me...I want my guy back...

...this was you...

...I want you...

How could I have been so blind, so stupid, so careless to let you slip away from me...

I can’t live with myself...

...looking through old photos, old cards and mementos...feeling sentimental and wanting to be with you so badly I could die...

jd440i 58M

1/28/2006 2:21 pm

Baby, I understand exactly what you are going through. Especially the last three lines. I'm missing my sweet girl just the same. I don't know just what to do with myself. I'd love to talk to you. Jeff

jd440i 58M

1/28/2006 2:50 pm

I spend my days wishing her back. Consider suicide but, what if she comes back? That would be my luck. Timing they say, Is everything. And mine sucks. I noticed to late that she was slipping away. I thought she would be here forever. Now she's gone. Sorry Honey, to steal your blog but I just know exactly how you feel. Sucks bad. Jeff

SweetBabyDoll69 52F
5 posts
1/28/2006 8:32 pm

You know I agree and I wish men could understand its not laways about sex all the time ....It the holding and kissing and loving and the making contact with a man.......

my_brkn_heart 55F
71 posts
1/28/2006 10:04 pm

...I didn't mean to be so sappy, just been one of those days...

I have been working on packing some things away and got to reading old letters and cards...looking at the 18 years worth of old photos...mementos...girl stuff, I still have the first rose he ever gave me! I just got caught up in all of it and became sentimental...it kinda got to me. Of course, I sent him this posting; before I posted it...I received in return...
"No New Messages"
It figures, I expected nothing else...

spinmedown 49M
3626 posts
1/29/2006 2:23 pm

I am just starting my journey down the same path: momentos, memories and missing her.

It's a very hard thing to take:
sitting there, thinking these things and waiting for a reply.

From what you have told us; I don't think you were blind, careless or stupid.
He was.

Time to start healing. You've taken a number of steps already. Courage.

Most people are other people... FUCKING CHARACTER LIMIT!!! ~Oscar Wilde

my_brkn_heart 55F
71 posts
1/30/2006 11:45 am

Thanks sweetie...and good luck with your own journey.

soldierblue52 64M
26 posts
2/1/2006 6:54 pm

I could have written that if I were so eloquent. I miss all those same things and being able to do those things for someone. Time may heal but the longing is still there.

rm_Chip24472 51M

2/3/2006 1:24 pm

Good news brkn: The world is full of men that are willing to be all those things.
Bad news: They can't be your ex.

I know that lost and lonely feeling all too well. Nothing tastes good, nothing sounds good, nothing IS good. No matter where you go you feel their presence even if the place you're at is completely new. Someone or something will stir a memory and you'll think "Oh, he would like that" or some other innocous thought. It hurts. Oh God, does it hurt.
When that happens I found the best thing to do was to first take ownership of your feelings. Admit that it's there and begin processing it: What brought it on? What are you REALLY feeling? What can you do to change it? The second is to not allow that feeling to dominate your outlook any longer than it takes to process it. Staying in the moment will only hinder the healing. Your feelings right now are raw and rightfully so, and this likely won't be a five minute exercise. But you have to start if you expect to get through this.

rm_butter_up 54M

2/4/2006 5:57 am

Remember, cry, start anew. Remember, cry, start anew. Eventually, it will become remember, anguish, start anew. After 20+ years and a new woman, occasionally, remember is accompanied by anguish.

Someone who truly loves can't stop.

my_brkn_heart 55F
71 posts
2/4/2006 7:58 pm

I think I am starting to start...doesn't sound too reassuring huh?

I shouldn't drink, it doesn't help...but it does numb me, just a little...

my_brkn_heart 55F
71 posts
2/4/2006 7:59 pm

Hey butter up...

Thank you...for all the nice words...
...in your emails...

it helps

rm_aroundjville 34M

2/17/2006 3:24 pm

If everyday was washed away what would you remember?
Would you want life without reliving
Remembrance is grace that gives us a rose
Even it allows a prick from time to time
Cuddle the memories from times past
Feeling their heartache with every sigh when picturing photographs
Take the evil and let it warm you
Wash away the good or it will consume you
Live till the day when you embrace each past
Wither at the time when time holds its spot

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