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Why do I put up with this?
Why do I put up with this?
I am depressed because of my own lack of self respect and my lack of friends. Normally I would cry on the shoulder of a friend but because of the holiday weekend nobody is around. I have many acquaintances but few friends and I don't feel comfortable talking to them. Therefore, I retreat to the anonymity of the blog.
If you go back to the first couple of posts on this blog you will find that I was coming out of a failed relationship. It was the longest and worst one I ever had. She is a sometimes stripper alcoholic pothead. I don't mind the stripper part, thats what she was doing when we met. She is always talking about quitting for good but I know it is just talk. She will never go back to school or try to learn any thing else. I really don't think she could survive in any other world. I would not mind her smoking weed but she can't go without it. I am not kidding, she has to have it. But,it's the drinking I really can't stand. I admit, I drink. I like to drink but I always maintain an even keel. She, on the other had is one listing bitch. She gets loud, obnoxious and mean when she is drunk. I did not even ever introduce her to any of my family. She knew only my father and I tried to keep her away from him. Normally I would have been taking her to family get together but there is always beer and wine around or she would be ducking out to hit a joint so I never did. My family, of course, knew that she existed but kept the questions to a minimum. I finally got tired of the whole thing and tossed her out last August. My life was nice and quiet for about six months. Then she started calling again. Things were not going well with the new boyfriend. Oh, by the way, she was working on him before I gave her the boot. I guess she saw it coming. I was stupid and went back to hit it. (See post 1 and 2) Since that time she still has the boyfriend. He is a very successful and well know person around here and if I dropped the name all the locals would know it but if I am anything I am discreet. Anyway, we still get together about one a month for a sex session. He is now supporting her but apparently does not quite handle all her needs which is why she still calls me. So, I get a call Friday night and go to pick her up. Her boyfriend it out of town until monday. We go to my place and have the best sex, I mean wild ass monkey sex, we ever had. She tells me she loves me several times and like the dumb-ass I am I believe her. She stays the weekend or at least until this afternoon. Then the b/f calls her, he has come back a day early. She tells him that she is at my house, that she is house sitting while I am out of town and he can come pick her up. I hear this and ask if she wants me to leave. She tells me no, just don't go outside when he gets here. Fuck that, so I went to a bar to try and regain my self respect.
It did not work