You Be Perfect First!  

mrsevil00 54F
32 posts
11/23/2005 1:42 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

You Be Perfect First!

I've been reading personal ads for a few years. They
truly fascinate me. Online dating seems to be the new
way people meet and mate, and I think that if one is
aware of its pitfalls and doesn't have one's
expectations set too high or too low, one can really
get something meaningful out of it.

In particular, I've been reading the ones that
straight men post, and I think I've just now figured
out the perfect woman for the average guy looking for
a date/fuck/whatever-as-long-as-it's-not-'girlfriend'
online:

DIET & BODY TYPE

She has to be the type that counts calories and
watches her weigh obsessively, lest she pork up and/or
let herself go, at least while she's with him

But she has to be down for late-night junk-food runs,
snacking and staying in on weekends for lazy sex and
movie marathons on the couch
So she has to be a careless eater who can somehow
avoid packing on the pounds

She also has to be thin, athletic and outdoorsy
But she can't be too thin, or too muscular, as men
still want curves, not pointy hips and knees or
rock-hard biceps
But natural curves, as most don't like the feel of
implants
So she has to be a thin, athletic woman with a liberal
diet and zero body fat with no bony bits and big,
natural tits

GROOMING

She has to be a girly-girl; flawless makeup, perfect
hair, high heels, designer clothes, french-tip nails,
hairless down there, bleached asshole... the whole
nine yards

But she can't be high maintenance; she has to be able
to run in clear stripper-heels and do a touchdown
without ruining her makeup
But too much makeup is a deal-killer

So she has to look flawless at all times (dressed and
naked) while not being high-maintenance, but she can't
be the type who wears a lot of makeup and has fussy
hair extensions and a radioactive spray-on tan

EDUCATION

She has to be really smart, and have a good grasp of
politics and current events
But not so smart that she's outspoken or opinionated
And especially not so smart that she dares to disagree
with him
So she has to be a well-educated, independent woman
who knows that her rightful place is not in a men's
conversation
Bonus points for a PhD candidate in astro-physics who
doesn't dare open her mouth lest she make him feel
stupid

INDEPENDENCE

She has to be the sort of woman who can solve problems
on her own; change her own oil, unplug her own kitchen
sink, that sort of thing

She also has to be able to get by with neither his
assistance nor his presence, as he needs to spend his
weekends with the boys doing Man Stuff
But she can't be so independent that she'd dare to
spend her time with the girls doing girly 'chick (not
Woman) stuff', especially if it involves spending
money, whether or not it's his

And even if she can wield a torque wrench with her
bare (perfectly manicured) hands, she has to be scared
to death of bugs and rodents, and need him to walk her
to her car at night to fend off and muggers

So she has to be self-sufficient, but not so
self-sufficient that she realizes she doesn't really
need him

SEXUAL BRAVADO

She has to be sexually free; the adventurous type who
will indulge his passion for road head, anal sex and
threesomes with other women (not men)

But not so free that she'd have tried any of those
nasty, slutty things before, especially not with any
other men
But she has to have enough experience to know how to
do those things for him well, lest he dump her for her
inadequacy
So she has to be a sexually liberated virgin who has
learned perfect bedroom technique, preferably via
osmosis

MENTAL STATE

She has to be messed-up enough to cry and beg for
crazy, freaky sex with him, preferably after a fight,
and especially when he treats her like crap

But not so crazy that she flips out, is unbalanced,
manic-depressive, passive aggressive, co-dependent,
psychotic and/or needs to be heavily medicated
Master these subtleties and you, too, could be good
enough for the kind of man who posts personal ads
without his own clear, recent, close-up picture! You
know, the kind of guy who hasn't gotten laid since the
Reagan administration, thinks personal hygiene is
merely a suggestion, and jerks off to internet porn so
frequently and with such fervor that one bicep is
noticeably bigger than the other.


bear77344 60M
103 posts
11/23/2005 4:08 am

OK but when you read women's personals for men only perfect men who are hot, tall, financially well off preferably 10-15 years younger are desirable candidates


rm_waytoolazy 51M
4 posts
11/25/2005 3:45 pm

Im thinking most of those guys dont get what they want anytime unless they pay for it. its the difference between realistic and actual. no im not gonna sling out the tired old joke about realstic and actual.

The women who look for a well off guy who can take care of them are the ones that show what they are all about up front. hell I wish I was that well off to be able to afford a few weekend trists with chicks like that.

but alas I would soon get bored with the stupid conversations about things that I could barely care less about.


GoddessOfTheDawn 105F
11240 posts
12/11/2005 8:08 am

~ smilez ~ gud post ...

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