on relationships . . . .  

mmwants 45F
163 posts
7/7/2005 1:49 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

on relationships . . . .

JULY 7, 2005
Dating Reality
SO I took that small 10 year Hiatus from dating and for what?
Well, 12 years ago I had a small trauma and 11 years ago I became a mother - so I was a mess.
I needed to complete my education - stabilize my life and really become the person I knew I was.
I graduated, tried out various jobs and found my calling in Social Work - Xtreme social work, like it is a sport or something.
I bug everyone with tales of my job because I love it - and now I know that I can make it so much more so it looks like it is off to school for me again.
I took the time to save my damned self instead of being "That Girl" who gets saved. Being saved teaches you that you are unable to succeed on your own power - it teaches you NOT to look for outside answers and expect an entitlement to the riches and services of the world. I am stuck up and a pain in the ass, but I am not THAT GIRL - and I needed to prove it to myself.
I am smarter now, I know stuff, I feel things more clearly and I am much calmer inside.
What I have to give is equality - I can contribute - financially, emotionally, spiritually and sexually to a relationship. 11 years ago I could have done none of those things. There are days when I find myself struggling and crying and days when I get my heart stomped on. Nevertheless, dating again has been a learning experience for me also.
I learned that secrets are protection - and that while I am willing to be equal, I am not willing to bare all and lay out all my vulnerabilities and trust someone - especially when that is not returned. If I share my life with someone, I expect them to share their world as well. If I hide my friends and family from them; I understand they may do the same. If I listen to troubles and worries I expect an open ear to my own. If I have to save myself, I expect him to be as whole, healthy, and ready to commit as I am

Accept no discounts; give no substitutes.
Accept no substitutes; give no discounts.

After a dating hiatus, I realize that this is my world made real and nothing less or separately equal will suffice. It is better to be alone and really trust the person I am with (me) than to be with someone who gives me more questions than answers and demands more than he thinks he should provide.
Any future relationship really has to reflect who I am. I am not a whore or a fuck buddy or a stooge or a trophy or a goddess. I am a breathing, bleeding, lusting, thinking individual who is a hell of a lot smarter than the men who tend to pursue me. I may not have the body I aspire to, but I have the soul I was born with and am happy to carry with me.
To respect my soul, my quirkiness, my random encyclopedic knowledge and pseudo-talents is the price I demand for entrance into my world - and if you can not respect my ingredients - you will never ever love me.

GulfDealer 60M
2 posts
7/9/2005 7:55 am

i like that you are a complete person, from sensual to intelligent. i admit that i like the entire package, so-to-speak, and most of what you describe is what i like. sex may be the most fun two people can share, but it is only a part of who a person is. for any type of relationship to ever work for two people, there has to be love, passion, lust, adventure, and friendship all rolled into one.
you are definitely a lovely lady in your apperance, a beautiful lady from your spirit, and an interesting person from your eclecticness

redmustang91 57M  
8658 posts
7/11/2005 11:37 pm

I am sure you have many fine qualities but you cannot demand too much from us poor guys, because to quote athat coal Miner's daughter and great country singer, after all he's just a man! so make some allowances for us poor dumb sob's.

needtogetmesome 72M

7/20/2005 6:49 pm

I like you kid, you got class. Bogy said it better, but it still works.You said, "Accept no discounts; give no substitutes.
Accept no substitutes; give no discounts. " Good sentiments, but add to them.
Accept no discounts; give no substitutes; but be prepared to give freely. And remember, sometimes it's not about "us", and a substitute may be what the other one needs. Do we then cut them off at the knees like most of the selfish human race does, or more selflessly, help them with their needs? Sometimes that fills our basket a lot fuller than we expected.
Accept no substitutes; give no discounts. But be prepared to accept that which is freely gven, in the sense it was given. It may be a substitute for what you sought, but the person giving it may not know that, and just have your welfare at heart.
An old fart philosopher from Maine. (living in exile in Kalifornia)

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