Santa is a she  

mistymommie 39F
353 posts
12/7/2005 9:27 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Santa is a she

I think Santa Claus is a woman....

I hate to be the one to defy sacred myth, but I believe he's a she. Think about it. Christmas is a big, organized, warm, fuzzy, nurturing social deal, and I have a tough time believing a guy could possibly pull it all off!

For starters, the vast majority of men don't even think about selecting gifts until Christmas Eve. It's as if they are all frozen in some kind of Ebenezerian Time Warp until 3 p.m. on Dec. 24th, when they - with amazing calm - call other errant men and plan for a last-minute shopping spree.

Once at the mall, they always seem surprised to find only Ronco products, socket wrench sets, and mood rings left on the shelves. (You might think this would send them into a fit of panic and guilt, but my husband tells me it's an enormous relief because it lessens the 11th hour decision-making burden.) On this count alone, I'm convinced Santa is a woman. Surely, if he were a man, everyone in the universe would wake up Christmas morning o find a rotating musical Chia Pet under the tree, still in the bag.

Another problem for a he-Santa would be getting there. First of all, there would be no reindeer because they would all be dead, gutted and strapped on to the rear bumper of the sleigh amid wide-eyed, desperate claims that buck season had been extended. Blitzen's rack would already be on the way to the taxidermist.

Even if the male Santa DID have reindeer, he'd still have transportation problems because he would inevitably get lost up there in the snow and clouds and then refuse to stop and ask for directions. Add to this the fact that there would be unavoidable delays in the chimney, where the Bob Vila-like Santa would stop to inspect and repoint bricks in the flue. He would also need to check for carbon monoxide fumes in every gas fireplace, and get under every Christmas tree that is crooked to straighten it to a perfectly upright 90-degree angle.

Other reasons why Santa can't possibly be a man:

- Men can't pack a bag.

- Men would rather be dead than caught wearing red velvet.

- Men would feel their masculinity is threatened...having to be seen with all those elves.

- Men don't answer their mail.

- Men would refuse to allow their physique to be described even in jest as anything remotely resembling "bowlful of jelly."

- Men aren't interested in stockings unless somebody's wearing them.

- Having to do the Ho Ho Ho thing would seriously inhibit their ability to pick up women.

- Finally, being responsible for Christmas would require a commitment.

I can buy the fact that other mythical holiday characters are men.........

Father Time shows up once a year unshaven and looking ominous.

Definite guy.

Cupid flies around carrying weapons.

Uncle Sam is a politician who likes to point fingers.

Any one of these individuals could pass the testosterone screening test. But not St. Nick. Not a chance. As long as we have each other, good will, peace on earth, faith and Nat King Cole's version of "The Christmas Song," it probably makes little difference what gender Santa is. I just wish she'd quit dressing like a guy!!!

bootielover3 55M

12/7/2005 11:06 am

Very cute, only one observation on this site mainly women don't answer the mail in my experience.

I really do like the post, just in a bad mood and I am addicted to the
web also.

Have a nice day and happy holidays

redmustang91 57M  
8604 posts
12/7/2005 11:18 am

I agree based on the ability to shop and buy presents for everyone, must be a woman.

mistymommie 39F

12/7/2005 11:35 am

Well, i'm sorry you are in a bad mood and I hope that this made it a little better. Some of us do answer our mail, but the sender is not who or what we are loking for. I always send a return message whatever the case though. Goodluck hunting.


danceswithtrees 57M
2343 posts
12/7/2005 2:26 pm

funny,funny stuff..loved it.

mistymommie 39F

12/7/2005 4:15 pm

Redmustang-yep we are the best multi taskers in the biz!!

mistymommie 39F

12/7/2005 4:16 pm

Danceswithtrees- glad you stopped in and glad you liked it.


AlbertPrince 57M

12/9/2005 11:05 am

And no doubt god is a woman too?

mistymommie 39F

12/9/2005 4:23 pm

Nah, we're not THAT good!!


rm_Ptalk1155 34M
3450 posts
12/9/2005 8:11 pm

Hmmmmm *rubs chin in thought*

mistymommie 39F

12/12/2005 12:11 pm

Something to think about huh?!!


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