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Submission to me
Submission to me
I was having a discussion this morning with my Manmeat about submission. Notice his title does not imply he is a slave or a sub -- because he is not. Anyhow, we were talking about the differences in levels of the underside of a d/s relationship and how it is defined. I was planning on getting into a blog about it to try to get folks to understand...
Then I come on to read my mail and get this LONG ass letter which is totally some dude's drawn out fantasy. [porn] I then realized that when men do write me S and M fantasies they are always about what I would do TO them. [sexually] This, to me, would be a great place to start a new discussion on this vanilla site about what BDSM is more about....
First off, I require SERVITUDE from those who serve me. I look for people who can go with the flow of things and manage without much direction in my intimate world. I am fairly 'low maintence' in most regards, so they should not expect me to be very demanding. THIS FOR ME IS NOT ABOUT WHAT I CAN DO TO YOU BUT WHAT YOU CAN DO FOR ME!!!
Example: Let's say I invite you to escort me to a kinky party. You are nervous about what to wear and do. Here is what I would typically say [if it were a pansexual *if you do not understand this term look it up!* event]:
1. DRESSING FOR A PARTY:
A. Black attire is always appropriate for either gender at a BDSM event. For home [casual] parties this generally equates to a black shirt and jeans for most men, with larger events needing more 'high fetish' types of attire.
B. My dates are NOT encouraged to walk about in g-strings, cuffs and collars! Most bdsm parties are great venues for folks to walk around like that, but most people just really don't do it. [especially not males, unless we are attending a 'clubfem' event -- which I RARELY do]
C. The majority of the time spent naked involves when you are participating in a scene. YOU SHOULD ALSO ONLY EXPECT ME TO BE NAKED ONLY IF MY CLOTHING IS RESTRICTIVE WHILE I AM KICKIN SOMEONE'S ASS! I do NOT walk around naked at events, as I feel no one should be privy to that without payment!
2. Driving is not required, but preferred. I was the first in my group of friends growing up who had a car. I am the mother of two kids too young to drive and have to drive them everywhere frequently. When someone is serving me, I prefer they do the driving unless they suck at it.
3. SERVITUDE BEHAVIORS AT EVENT:
A. Your job is to make sure MY needs are met!
1. If I look at my glass and pause while talking to someone, expect that it signals I need a fresh drink. My ex-wife was the very best about this. She knew that if she asked me before hand to confirm it would make me even happier. I HATE PEOPLE WHO BRING ME A DRINK WITHOUT ASKING WHAT I MAY WANT.
2. I do not like to light my own cigarette. A great server for me would always have a lighter in their pocket, even if they are a non-smoker. I WOULD ONLY ASK SOMEONE TO BE MY ASHTRAY IF THEY WERE INTO IT!
3. Generally smoking is outside during parties. Most hosts provide lawn chairs for the seating. They tend to hurt my legs/back. To minimalize my discomfort I require my to sit in the chair before me with me on their lap. I enjoy this type of affection.
4. When I do a scene with someone, I prefer to pull and organize my toys myself. It is part of getting into the mindset. I do like my subs to pack my shit up when I am done, plus carry my toybag to and from the car.
B. In exchange for these 'little acts of kindness':
1. I will dote on my date. I cuddle in their lap and fondle them while doing it [with their clothing on].
2. I introduce them to everyone. I was the biggest party hostess for several years. I know most of the folks who have been in the community for over a year.
3. If someone does an act they are curious about [and it is someone i trust] i will allow them to play with you. I will enforce your limits and provide you with the aftercare in these instances.
4. I prefer to play publicly with folks that I am NOT intimate with privately, unless there is a Serpentarium family member who really needs it. They always get first priority!
These are just a few basic points. To me BDSM is not so much about sex -- but more about extended foreplay and teasing. Sex itself is a whole nuther nut to crack for me. Maybe that is what I will write about next,
1/12/2006 5:08 am
Wow, that was just foreplay? *whips out books on BDSM*|