|Blogs > michellefromhell > MichellesOwnHell|
My choochoobunnikins and I were talking a few minutes ago. He is so naughty. He thinks as evilly as I do, but refrains from acting on his impulses -- unlike myself!
He's been playin around with applying pain to me lately. Little spanks and pinches here and there. So cute when they take a toppy physicality with me -- always makes me giggle. And my ass tingle. It's throbbing gently while I type. Maybe I'll walk over to the bed and pounce him....
Wow. I just had a brain spin...My mind drifted to a note I got from a piss player looking for love...DBD was real into that. He claimed it was not so hard to find girls up in DFW small towns who got off on it...just hit me that he could have been lying about that to manipulate me...
the more I think about him the more mind games I notice he played with skill and ease. he was a clever man who naturally knew where my weaknesses were. He made me feel like I was competing with women I'd never met because he kept going on about all his exs. It also made me feel like I needed to stay on my toes to compete with younger women that he commented on in appreciation. Now I am thinking that was bullshit. It made me super insecure about my looks, my clothing and my life. I don't do that kind of crap.
Choo showed me this porn star he had been seeing while I was off with DBD. She was a total hottie! Amazing tit job. She even persued him. But he did not like her, so he did not have sex with her [or so he says and he doesn't lie]. The person being someone he really likes is actually very important to him sexually. I like men who live this way. Anyhow -- for a brief second I got a little jealous and sort of confused.
I was feeling way out of my league looking at this young, blonde, tan, tit jobbed and flat tummied hottie. I felt old and ugly -- which is totally LAME! Hell, I thought about it for ten seconds and told him, "For one brief moment I was feeling bad then I realized you could have had that and turned it down."
His response,"She was an ugly person inside," implying that I am not. [He does a great deal of implying for me to ask what he actually means. Some sort of communication thing we have because we are both smart asses and I get my feelings hurt when I take things the wrong way.]
So I think a little more and spout out, "Actually now that I think about it, it's kinda cool that a chick that hot thinks my sweetie is as hot as I do!" And I really meant it. He should have had plenty of pleasure while I was off being stupid. I wish he had. It would have only been fair.
I really am trying to be fair and still do as I please. He knows I saw JT while in Dallas. He is here while I respond to emails all day, knowing some are from people I want to date and others are clients. He hears what most men get back from me on these sites. He also knows I am normally a very picky bitch.
Plus he is totally clear on the fact that I can easily get distracted if inspired. I don't think he thought I would jump into a situation like I did with DBD, but honestly it was predictable if you ask me. I was in a crazy state and being in a sexually amazingly insane bi-polar co-dependent spin was the only way I was going to cope. I recognize that now and don't expect to falter like that ever again.
From now on they must get to know me to really understand my concept of poly. They don't have to be cockholds or anything, but they have to know I can love many men at once. [and will in the exact same night or even bed, if it is agreed on!] I want the men I love to be able to love other women too. I am still not sure if I need to know them or not yet, but each case is its own. I do know NO MORE WIVES that I have to befriend. Fuck that.
I need more control. Always have! Lv M