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Fuck me and then let's get on with your life. Fuck me instead of fucking her.
Fuck me instead of fucking me.
Fuck me because I have nothing to wear except my fuck me pumps.
Fuck me, whip me, make me default on my student loan.
Fuck me while I loan you a dollar.
Fuck me with a stack of dollars.
Fuck me with the collection plate.
Fuck me like a fallen angel.
Fuck me 'til Niagara Falls.
Fuck me 'til you erupt.
Fuck me in a fountain, and then with a fountain pen.
Fuck me with a pencil, and then with a penciling.
Fuck me with an eyeliner pencil.
Fuck me because I'm all dolled up.
Fuck me while I stick pins in your voodoo doll.
Fuck me while I cook up trouble.
Fuck me while Julia Child goes into the kitchen, gets drunk, and dismembers animal carcasses.
Fuck me with a broken toaster oven.
Fuck me like the galloping gourmet.
Fuck me with the collected poems of Dick Gallup and Oscar Wilde.
Fuck me with the phone book.
Fuck me via telephone. Via modem. Via UPS. Via the United States Postal Service.
Fuck me on the kitchen table. Then fuck me on the periodic table.
Fuck me on the counter-revolution.
Fuck me with a revolver in a revolving door.
Fuck me while I ponder whether blind Milton & blind Homer step in shit more than I do. While I remember all the words to MacArthur Park. While you tell me whether for $10,000 you would drink urine, fuck Barry Manilow, eat a regurgitated hot dog, or fuck me while I sing Feelings.
Fuck me hard while playing air harmonica.
Fuck me sweetly while you sing into my eyes.
Fuck me then wash the car. Then fuck me again, over the car.
Fuck me while we carpool.
Fuck me in the overflowing bathtub while the plugged-in curling iron dangles threateningly from the shower curtain rod.
Fuck me while a stenographer sits in the corner of the room and writes down everything we say. Fuck me in a courtroom so I can lose my innocence.
Fuck me on a tennis court while people on either side of us chase after your balls.
Fuck me in the middle of Times Square while the big ball drops so I can start off the New Year being banged.
Fuck me on a bed of nails.
Fuck me while I do my nails.
Fuck me until I spit nails.
Fuck me 'til I split.
Fuck me in a pile of beef stroganoff instead of stroking' off.
Fuck me while I'm on the phone with the Jerky Boys.
Fuck me on a pile of freshly chewed-and-slobbered-on rawhide dog chews while you sing Rawhide and I crack a whip.
Fuck me until I get whiplash. Fuck me while I whip you into shape.
Fuck me in a tub of whipped cream.
Fuck me in a bed of lettuce in the grocery store while the head cashier anoints us with extra-virgin olive oil.
Fuck me while we visualize whirled peas.
Fuck me with a corn stalk, and then go stalk yourself.
Fuck me while you spoon-feed a bowl of e-coli to me.
Fuck me while I write my life story on a postage stamp. Fuck me while I recite the alphabet backwards.
Fuck me because genius is a state of mind.
Fuck me because I might like it.
Fuck me because you might like it.
Fuck me and let's read poetry.
Fuck me because we can't read this at Surf Reality again.
Fuck me then write a fucking poem & shove it up your ass.
Fuck me while Taylor Mead pisses on us.
Fuck me with your brown nose. Then go kiss ass. Fuck me while I fuck Hal Sirowitz with the Norton Anthology.
Fuck me because Emily Dickinson wrote Moby Dick & the Great Dictator.
Fuck me with a Dictaphone.
Fuck me, then put your beeper on vibrate, shove it up your ass, and call yourself up.
Fuck me while angels pray for us.
Fuck me because my hormones are raging.
Fuck me because I'm really, really angry.
Fuck me because I've been really bored since I got tied to the bed.
Fuck me while I go through menopause, and then during intermission.
Fuck me because we can't afford to go to the movies.
Fuck me while I do my impression of Linda Blair.
Fuck me while I projectile vomit on all your ex-lovers.
Fuck me while you gargle my urine.
Fuck me, but don't eat me, because I haven't been properly canned.
Fuck me, Banana Man, with your can of beans. Fuck me, Mary Bananalow, with your Dole Bananas, one at a time, like a Republican.
Fuck me in the voting booth.
Fuck me at the committee meeting.
Fuck me, and then get your wife out of this bad neighborhood.
Fuck me; don't shoot me in the ass.
Fuck me because it's so damn hot in here.
Fuck me while we sing Hot, Hot, Hot.
Fuck me, then let's all sing nursery rhymes. Fuck me hard up the ass while singing, "I love you, a bushel & a peck."
Fuck me with a bushel of peckers.
Fuck me because I can't sleep.
Fuck me because I’m drunk.
Fuck me because I'm emotionally deficient and financially challenged.
Fuck me, then challenge me to a duel.
Fuck me, everyone, because I'm bisexual.
Fuck me because both Democrats and Republicans don't want gays to marry because they value the institution of marriage.
Fuck me during a spectacular attack.
Fuck me with a bunker buster.
Fuck me until I'm shocked & awed. Fuck me with a mushroom cloud. Then fuck me with a mushroom. Fuck me until I trip.
Fuck me while we do the hustle.
Fuck me while you pretend to be Elton John & I pretend to be Kiki Dee.
Fuck me while you sing the Carpenters' greatest hits. Then, let's sing Looks like We Made It.
Fuck me in a few minutes, 'cause I'm busy fucking someone else right now.
Fuck me now because tomorrow you'll probably just be impudent again.
Fuck me while I'm sleeping and wake me up when you're finished.
Fuck me, then go get yourself a penis pump so I know you're there the next time.
Fuck me today because tomorrow I'm getting catheterized. Fuck me, pull out, and try to write your name on the sheets.
Fuck me in the middle of a pro-life protest.
Fuck me in the maternity ward.
Fuck me because I'm a ward of the state.
Fuck me in every state of the union.
Fuck me because I just got a Brazilian wax.
Fuck me while we play Find the Piercing.
Fuck me on the edge of a live volcano while I die trying not to erupt into laughter.
Fuck me & then let's go to Mexico for water, to Canada for pancakes, and to Hoboken for coffee. Fuck me in a car with bucket seats on a dead-end street.
Fuck me in the phone booth while I talk to my mother.
Fuck me from behind while I'm puking into the toilet.
Fuck me while I crap into a bucket which is being tapped on by a cast member of Stomp.
Fuck me with a toilet plunger. Then fuck me while everyone stares at me as if I'd just shoved a broom handle up a baby.
Fuck me 'til I spit up over your shoulder.
Fuck me while I'm shaving my legs.
Fuck me while I shave your legs.
Fuck me because John Hall forgot to take his hat off the last time he soaked his head.
Fuck me while you sing a silly song and play a triangle.
Fuck me because John's bleeding & grabbing at himself in The New Yorker.
Fuck me since we're mellow & we flow, like menstrual blood.
Fuck me 'til your eyes bleed.
Fuck me so I won't go blind. But fuck me blindfolded.
Fuck me because I'm blinded by my ideology.
Fuck me because I'm not a Republican.
Fuck her harder, because she is.
Fuck me among the exquisite flavors of wine, food, and greed.
Fuck me because I know all of Victoria's secrets.
Fuck me because I'm not related to you.
Fuck me because Kathy Rigby keeps her face in a jar by the door & Elinor Nauen just did a fucking cartwheel.
Fuck me 'til I find those body parts.
Fuck me because parting is such sweet sorrow. Fuck me until Dawn returns to Tony Orlando.
Fuck me until Dawn rises over Tony Orlando.
Fuck me like there's no yesterday.
Fuck me while we search for tomorrow.
Fuck me while I fuck Einstein explaining the nature of time.
Fuck me while we split atoms until my personality splits.
Fuck me now. Fuck me later.
Fuck ME, you fucking masturbate!
Fuck me 'cause this will to on and on if I don't stop and do something else!
So come on, FUCK ME!
2/16/2009 3:52 pm
I was going to comment, but oh, what the fuck.|