Peeling back the layers  

micahbiguns 50M
1308 posts
4/11/2006 7:54 pm

Last Read:
4/20/2006 12:44 pm

Peeling back the layers

I am keeping my promise

Date line Anchorage Alaska

On this the 11th day of April in the year of our lord 1989 I Mxxx Bxxxxxx Do solemnly swear to one Mxxx Bxxxxxx Jr. Not to drink another drop of alcohol.

Yep that’s how it went 17 years ago today. And boy howdy let me tell you, this has been one mean mother of a promise to keep especially lately. You see all of my adult life my solution to my problems was to turn to the bottle. And to this day I maintain that promise I am sober. Woo Hoo!!

You see I grew up with a hard drinking German (and proud of it) father. My mother bless her departed soul was a beautiful Irish lass. I get my coloring and stuff from her I take after her in my outlook on life thank God. Anyway back to my father like I said he was proud of being German. So much in fact that he never let me forget that I was not German. I was told many times that a whelp of an Irish runt could never be the seed of his loin. In fact my name, which till recently I detested, (Mick) was done as a racial slur on me and my mother. I can remember many nights my father drunk as a skunk roaring at the top of his lungs about me being an Irish Bastard. What I never understood is why he married my mother and why she continued to stay with him? Maybe for the same reasons I stayed married to the wrong person as long as I did? He was never physically abusive but he was both verbally and mentally abusive. It was one thing I swore I would never become.

Having shared all this, it in no way excuses choices I have made or things I have done. And I make no claims that I had a bad childhood or that I am somehow not responsible for my life because of this.

When I turned 17 I had had enough of his shit and decided that being the athlete I was (welter weight boxer played both baseball and football) I would teach him how to treat a lady. Now picture this I was 5’ 8” 155 lbs soaking wet and my father was 6’3” 265 lbs oilfield roughneck you can imagine how that went. Nuff said.

After my attempt to show the old man some manners I went to college on a football scholarship. It was there that I learned how much fun you could have drinking. I blew out my knee the 2nd practice scrimmage and lost my scholarship I then had no other option but to quit school and go to work

I moved to Alaska (quite a change for a Georgia boy) I found work as a roughneck for the next 6 years. There is probably not a greater bunch of guys than the oilfield crews also they have the highest rate of alcoholism of any group. So needless to say I fit right in there. Have you known many Irish men who could not drink lol. I had been there about a year when I met the daughter of a friend who soon became Mrs. Biguns. And the rest is how you say? History

What made me quit drinking? Well I came home from a week long shift on the North Slope (we worked one week on one week off) my oldest son Junior came running in to see me and in his excitement he knocked my nearly full bottle of Bushmills(my favorite whiskey) to the floor where it shattered. Well I got extremely pissed and started shouting at the top of my lungs. I ranted and raved I cursed and screamed while I went to get another bottle.(I usually drank 3 to 4 bottles a week while I was home. I had to make up for the week off being dry ya know! A man can get mighty parched when without spirits for a week. ) It was then I saw the look of …. Horror, defeat, sadness, fear no make that stark terror on my little boys face. It stopped me cold in my tracks, I had turned into what I hated the most my own father! I put the bottle down dropped to my knees and took him in my arms and begged him to forgive me. It was at that moment that I made my most solemn pledge. My son almost 3 at the time pledged with me to never drink bad stuff! And as far as I know to this day he has never had a drink.

I managed to get thru all this with the help of a very special older couple. You may have seen that he looked me up on this website after losing contact with me for over 12 months. They are some of the most caring people on this planet. After hearing (God knows how) about my marriage and the problems with my kids and Carol they wanted to make sure that I had not returned to my old heathen ways. lol

You know it has been a hard row to hoe but I am sill in there kicking it day by day. I did something that most support group counselors consider foolish. I poured out all but one bottle. I still have that unopened bottle of Bushmills It is a reminder for me of how to be strong.

With the stuff that has happened in my life in the last 12 months I have dearly wanted to break the seal to that bottle. In fact my ex asked me “why don’t you just crawl back into that bottle and die you loser?”. And lord knows I have been sorely tempted. She is still a heavy drinker and expects me to be one also. She says I am not as much fun when I am sober.

But I have found that when I look at that bottle I can clearly recall that look on my son’s face and my promise. So it gives me strength..

Why did I share this……? I am not entirely sure. I just felt led to tell my story and as today is the 17th anniversary of me being sober I felt that it was time.

BTW the mood thing is a joke he he

dasher121 36M

4/12/2006 4:44 am

Sorry to hear about the issues with your ex dude. But a def CONGRATULATIONS to you for not only keeping your promise but doing so for 17 years!!! Thats great and you def show a lot of personal strength and care for your son to do so. My hat's off to you, keep it up! Stay strong!


micahbiguns 50M

4/12/2006 8:56 am

dasher121 Thanks I am about ready to close the book on that part of my life. Although she still sometimes pisses me off I am trying to toattly forget her

TTigerAtty 62M

4/12/2006 6:11 pm

Micah, your story is very uplifting! I think you can be an inspiration to many others and perhaps you have been and just don't know it. I respect the promise you made and kept to your son on 4/11/1989. I know that it takes a lot of strength to do what you have done. And God only knows how hard the past several months have been. I hope the diagnosis is holding for Carol and that your two sons are working through their issues. All the best!

micahbiguns 50M

4/13/2006 10:12 am

Thanks Junior will probably not pitch again but they are continuing his full ride scolorishp on academics thank God don't know where he got his smarts from be he sure got a lot of them. As far as the little shit goes who knows?? Only time will tell.... sigh

lioness860 Sorry to hear that it sure can mess your life up!!

m1903a3 59M

4/14/2006 4:23 pm

This is amazing! Every new (for me ) blogger's post I check out, I find common ground. My last drink was on march 26 1986. Grandmother was Irish. Met my wife at an N.A. meeting. Her dad was like yours, but did manage to get sober, and see Kitty sober before he passed on. Inspiring post!

micahbiguns 50M

4/15/2006 3:51 pm

Thanks I felt the need to share hope that someone else will read and seek help if they need it

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