Anger managment 101  

micahbiguns 50M
1308 posts
5/21/2006 10:36 am

Last Read:
5/23/2006 9:56 pm

Anger managment 101

Welcome to Professor Biguns' Anger Management class. Today we will study a classic case for effective anger management. You will find that if you follow the example in this case you will be able to live a happier less stressful life, so please try to apply the principles of Anger Management in the following story.

"When I have the occasional bad day and need to take it out on someone, I don't take it out on my loved ones anymore...

I got the idea one day when I was sitting at my desk and remembered a phone call I had forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered, saying, "Hello." I politely said, "This is Chris. May I please speak with Robin Carter?"

Suddenly, the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude. I tracked down Robin's correct number and called her. I had transposed the last two digits of her phone number. After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again. When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled, "You're an asshole!" and hung up.

I wrote his number down with the word 'asshole' next to it, and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, "You're an asshole!" It always cheered me up. When Caller ID came to our area, I thought my therapeutic 'asshole' calling would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this is John Smith from the Telephone Company. I'm just calling to see if you're interested in the Caller ID program?" He yelled, "NO!" and slammed the phone down. I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an asshole!"

One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot. Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I had been waiting for the spot. The idiot ignored me. I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his car window, so I wrote down his number.

A couple of days later, right after calling the first asshole, (I had his number on speed dial), I thought I had better call the BMW asshole, too. I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?" Yes, it is." "Can you tell me where I can see it?" "Yes, I live at 1802 West 34th Street. It's a yellow house, and the car's parked right out in front." "What's your name?" I asked. "My name is Don Hansen," he said. "When's a good time to catch you, Don?" "I'm home every evening after five." "Listen, Don, can I tell you something?" "Yes?" "Don, you're an asshole." Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too.

Now, when I had a problem, I had two assholes to call. But after several months of calling them, it wasn't as enjoyable as it used to be. So, I came up with an idea. I called Asshole #1. "Hello." "You're an asshole!" (But I didn't hang up.) "Are you still there?" he asked. "Yeah," I said. "Stop calling me," he screamed. "Make me," I said.
"Who are you?" he asked. My name is Don Hansen." "Yeah? Where do you live?" "Asshole, I live at 1802 West 34th Street, a yellow house, with my black Beamer parked in front." He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying your prayers." I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole."

Then I called Asshole #2. "Hello?" he said. "Hello, asshole," I said. He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are!" "You'll what?" I said. "I'll kick your ass," he exclaimed. I answered, "Well, asshole, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now."

Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 1802 West 34th Street, and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover. Then I called Channel 2 News about the gang war going down on West 34th Street. I quickly got into my car and headed over to 34th street. There I saw two assholes beating the crap out of each other in front of six squad cars, a police helicopter, and a news crew.

NOW, I feel better. This anger management shit really works!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

See how safe and effective these principles are?
This is from an email and is purely tongue in cheek

angelofmercy5 58F
17881 posts
5/21/2006 12:19 pm

Micah...I just love this one. And until your disclaimer at the very end....I really thought you were doing this! I can actually picture this being pretty satisfying! lol Great post!

rm_cru1972 44M
4407 posts
5/21/2006 12:37 pm

That was me! I'm glad you liked the idea as much as you did.

yeah likeI could really come up with that

micahbiguns 50M

5/21/2006 2:47 pm

angelofmercy5 No unfortunately I cannot claim to be that smart but I am teaching a class on it lol

cru1972 Yeah that was you ! wow you are famous Now that you have been the subject of Prof Biguns lectures. I would believe you could if ya wanted to

TTigerAtty 62M

5/22/2006 4:18 am

You're an "asshole" for recalling my penile implant! I've seen this story once before, but it's good to read it again! Have they found your GTO yet?

micahbiguns 50M

5/22/2006 6:08 am

TTigerAtty Asshole hmmmm lmao No news on my baby!

m1903a3 59M

5/22/2006 3:08 pm


micahbiguns 50M

5/22/2006 5:36 pm

m1903a3 I agree

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